1. Fairy lights – for seduction
Continued below and suggestions welcome – this is a work in progress.
Things one needs in Summer Bay
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30 responses to “Things one needs in Summer Bay”
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2. A very rudimentary grasp of the principle of contraception
3. A constant supply of change for buying coffees/OJs
4. Teenage angst (even if you’re an adult)
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5. A constant supply of money for diner/Angelos outings even though you don’t have a job.
6. A dubious skill you can translate into a teaching job at Summer Bay High (e.g. teaching Italian in Australia)
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7. High levels of self-confidence due to excessive attractiveness of everyone else
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If you are an attractive lady in your early 30’s, the child that you gave birth to at the age of 15/16/17/18 will track you and your family down and make your life hell. Or your sister will be revealed as that child… See Charlie/ Rubes, Amanda/Belle & Roo/Martha and methinks maybe Bianca/April ….
If you are a man of a similar age, the child you never knew about or that your teen girlfriends parents raised as their own, will track you down and make your life hell . Drew/Peter, Nicole/Roman, JP’s fraud child/ JP, Grant or-whatever-his-name -was -that -Ross -killed/ Rubes……
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If you get pregnant, you will give birth to a full term baby despite only being pregnant for 3-5 months. You will most likely give birth on the side of the road cos your car breaks down while you’re on a detour route to the hospital. Sid or whoever is the doctor du jour will assist your partner/Colleen/Alf over the phone and the ambulance will arrive to find you and your gunk free baby sitting happily against the car.
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Your hitherto unknown teen son or daughter will be gobby & hate everyone including you but cry themselves to sleep at nite….
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A stint in the caravan park.
A huge family secret.(to be accidentally spilled in front of Colleen)
The inability to stay single for more than an episode.
A job in any of the following: School/diner/Angelos/cop station. (There is no recession in Summer Bay)
A Blood and Sand tattoo.
Regular trips to “The City” in a car you apparently own but which has never been seen before.
The ability to pull weird facial movements.
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You’ll need:
– an orange boiler suit
– no accomodation, forcing you to move in with Irene/Leah/Alf/caravan park
– loose morals
– even looser pants
– an inability to realise that Summer Bay is not an ideal place to live and that moving would mean that terrible things would no longer happen to you -
A terrible dress sense
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-Crap parenting skills.
-Several trips to the emergency dept of the hospital every year with no ill effects.
-A short memory.
-Ready access to the Witness Protection programme when you need it.
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You need to know how to bake Lamingtons if you perhaps get a job in the diner or maybe if you want to go on a date on Romeo’s rosemantic cruises.
Ingredients:
2 cups of all-purpose flour
2 tsp of baking powder
1/4 tsp of sea salt
2 large eggs
1/2 cup of room temperature butter
3/4 cup of white sugar
1 tsp of pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup of milk
2 cups of icing sugar
1/3 cup of cocoa powder
3 tbs of butter
1/2 cup of milk
Whipped cream for serving -
An addiction or 2 is always useful
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Fingerless gloves a la Sasha. They add to any outfit.
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-The ability to perform any type of medical help when summoned.
– a column in the Coastal News
-A hot bod
-An endless supply of long shapeless dresses
-A bowl of salad if you work in the diner.
-A career that can be changed into a teaching position should you need a change
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No conscience.
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A relative who turns up our of the blue but really just wants money….
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The knowledge that if you even suggest leaving the Bay and having a happier and better life elsewhere, you may as well call the undertaker.
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Very long eyelashes
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A natural disaster survival kit for the biannual natural disasters
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A drunk/ upset/ deranged relative who will turn up at your funeral and make a scene.
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An irrational fear/hatred of DEVELOPERS of any kind.
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An ex who will turn up as a teacher in SB High.
A school that can be built overnight to replace the old one. Imagine how long they’d be waiting in Ireland …..
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An incredible ability to forgive – your boy/girlfriend falls in love with your best mate? you boyfriend sleeps with your mother? the guy raped your sister? it doesn’t matter, in a couple of weeks you will have forgiven them and everyone will be mates again
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– an attitude problem when you first arrive with redemption and full integration into the town’s social fabric within two weeks
– willingness to move house every time you have a fight with someone and share houses with multi-generational housemates to whom you are not related -
A willingness to live in a “van” in order to make a point about how independent you are and how you don’t need anyone else, despite the fact that you can hardly boil a kettle…….
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Some cage fighting experience would be desirable but not necessary
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Not having a clue about contraception always helps.
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A medical card.
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A sibling who bears no resemblance to you whatsoever.
The ability to arrange a wedding with just one hour’s notice.
A divorce lawyer for when it all goes pear-shaped six weeks later.
A criminal defence lawyer for when you are named as a suspect in a murder investigation (this is inevitable if you stick around long enough).
An abnormal (and surely dangerous) inability to feel the cold, hence the urge to swim in the sea, surf and wear next to nothing throughout the Aussie winter.
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An aboriginal spirit guide who reminds you of your best mate to appear in a strange dream to set you right you in times of need.
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