Poor Brax. Poor Darcy. Tegan has them thinking they’re related and they’re not. Brax has called off the DNA test, the fool. Casey is Brax’s chauffeur at the moment; chauffeur and DJ by the looks of it. He overheard Tegan admitting to Ma Braxton that Darcy isn’t Brax’s. Unsure why Lady B is going along with this.

I wasn’t sure about Irene’s new dark hair but it was looking well today. High five, Roberts!

Xavier got April to help cheer Kelly up. She was understandably upset because of her rapey brother. She met Bianca on the beach and the reaction wasn’t great, so Bianca’s off to see a shrink.

Dean had an eventful episode. Not only did he run over Bianca, but he fought with Liam, was dobbed in as a serial sex offender by his sister and got arrested by the cops. Xavier should have taken the opportunity to say “I told you so” to his family.  Not often he’s proved right.

Alf tricked Roo and Marilyn in to making dinner. Good trick Alf.  They made loads so he won’t have to do any cooking for a week.  Miles will be happy, expect more scenes where he’s stuffing his face.

Romeo set up his romantic cruise business with some fancy cutlery and lights but made the classic Summer Bay mistake of telling Coleen how well things were going.  Cue a disaster where the borrowed silver was robbed and the boat wrecked. He should have kept his mouth shut.

It seems like Bianca’s nightmare might be coming to an end. In a dream, she saw a bull, or at least a tattoo of a bull on the back of her attacker.  By strange co-incidence, she then saw the same tattoo in real life on the beach by the end of the episode. Time moves pretty fast by the bay.  It belonged to none other than Kelly’s brother. It was pretty obvious that it was him as there weren’t any other genuine suspects once Heath was ruled out.

Xavier’s gut instinct is proving a reliable character guide for once, he wasn’t impressed with the bloke from the start, despite John trying to stick up for him. Kelly will be devastated when she finds out but maybe she’ll head back and run the farm.

What’s going to happen to the river boys now?  The fearless leader Heath has been locked up for drug possession and will go down for a long time, unless YCPD mess up the arrest, which is a distinct possibility.  There’s a power vacuum in the surfie gang. Maybe it’s Casey’s turn to take over, following in his older brother’s footsteps.  I could see him walking around town topless, harassing Colleen in the diner and saying “Come on boys” when they get kicked out. He’s already pretty good at loitering in the surf club.  All he needs is a bit of drug dealing experience and he’s a perfect fit.  Maybe he’ll want to stick on the straight and narrow and finish his HSC. If so, maybe Old Ma Braxton will take over.  Keep it in the family.

Poor Roo, she was playing the part of the doctor’s wife way too soon. Between feeding his children and having dates cancelled, she decided the best thing to do was to leave the farm and assume the position of girlfriend again. Looks like her da gives good advice.

Xave told Gina and John about his tryst with Kelly. They were impressed at his maturity and gave them their blessing to take it to whatever level they like. Very progressive.

“That boy is heading for a fall” is what I thought looking at today’s episode. Little did I realise that it would arrive before the end of the show.

He’s in the midst of a period of strife. April & Dexter’s betrayal has hit him hard and he’s in a bad place mentally. Sure he didn’t even feel like earning an honest living delivering pizza, hooning off with Summer was a preferable way to occupy his time. Not happy with mitching off work, he stole a work vehicle and took a passenger. Their joyride didn’t last and they ended up in a heap at the side of the road. I don’t fancy Summer’s chances given that she’s such a minor character, they’re easily expendable. If Gina doesn’t kill Xavier when she finds out, Brax will.

What’s up with Indi? She threw a strop over Roo & Sid despite the fact herself and her bloke are living with Roo. Talk about biting the hand that feeds. There has to be more to it than that. Could it be that married bliss isn’t all she had hoped it would be? If they do break up, it will be setting a new record for short lived relationships. The summer bay time-warp strikes again.

I don’t know why I’m surprised H&A is going on holidays; it does every year. Glenroe used to do that as well. Does Fair City?

Hurray for funny Marilyn coming back. She had a dream that told her it’s time for her to pick up the hairdryer again and re-enter the world of hairdressing. Sure she must be an expert, if her own barnet is anything to go on. The dream was brought on by a session with Miles. I think she came out of that one the victor.

Everyone in the Bay has Roo talked into a relationship with Sid, before they’ve even so much as put up a fairy light. She may as well go for it now.

Dex and April decided to keep their relationship under wraps by kissing on the beach. Class. Of course Xavier spotted them. Cue rows.

The newly returned newlyweds got an unexpected greeting from Marilyn when they arrived at the farm, unexpected for Sid.  He didn’t know what way to look – I’ve already broken up with this woman and here she is pretending she still lives here and we’re still going out.  But now the secret is out in the open, Sid can get back to resuming his attempts to woo Roo.

Another newly single man is Xavier. April unceremoniously dumped him, not revealing her true feelings for Dex, or the fact they had a secret pash. Xav is left feeling foolish and forlorn. His plans of a schoolies trip with the gang are up in smoke. I’m not sure quite what a schoolies trip is but it sounds class. The fact that Gina is dead against it makes me think it would be fun.

April is feeling guilty about not coming clean with Xavier but doesn’t feel the time is right.  How foolish.  Does she not know that her secret will be public knowledge in a matter of minutes? Xav is going to go looking for answers and walk in on the illicit affair, mid pash. I fear that will be more than his limited brain cells can handle.

Who have been naughty boys then? Only Sid and his son Dex.

First Sid, aka Dr Dish, tried it on with Roo and got slapped down. She was having none of it. Sid and Marilyn are still together, and she didn’t fancy being the other woman. Sid decided to slink back to Oz with his tail between his legs. After a quick chat with Marty, Roo had a change of heart, ran out to stop Sid’s taxi and reveal the contents of her heart.  She was too slow to get there in time. No surprise as she was wearing one of her trademark voluminous dresses, which nearly tripped her on the way.

Dex showed that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  He went over to April’s and planted one on her but he too got rejected.  She has morals and a boyfriend which stopped her from engaging with Dex, for at least a few minutes. Once she thought about it, she reckoned it was partly her fault as she’d been giving out signals. Cue change of mind and a massive pash.

The walker men have a profound effect on the women of the bay. Spare a thought for the fallout from their romance. Both Marilyn and Xavier are just collateral damage on the romantic road of Walker way.

Charlie came to the rescue at the beach, calling an ambulance when Ruby couldn’t. Xavier went back to the hospital and is grand. As someone pointed out the last time he was in, young males in Summer Bay General are not allowed to wear tops. Anyway, Gina and John had to pass up a trip to Hawaii to keep an eye on the surfing champ.

Dex and Kate called it a day, and April copped on that Dex lurves her. Cue loadsa coy, meaningful glances.

Colleen is amazing. She reckons The Man Upstairs has it in for her, after the small electrocution, due to her gossiping ways. Elijah called over and she went mental. Brilliant. I especially like Morag as nursemaid.

So, a ragtag group of Summer-Bay-ites take off to dangerous Nelson’s Noose for a bit of surfing, etc. Unsurprisingly, there are revelations (Dexter told April he’s paying Kate in tutelage), and DISASTER! Xavier was pulled out of the surf in an unconscious state. Good timing though, Dex was about to declare his true feelings for April. Nice one, Xav.