Young Robert Robertson certainly pulls no punches when it comes to making romantic advances. He suggested to Leah that they move to the city together, taking Veej and becoming an all-round happy family. She said no thanks, however, as she’s still hung up on Elijah the Massive. I hope this doesn’t mean RR will feck off into the wide blue yonder.

Xavier looked up “How to make a bomb” on the school computers. The school IT guys who no-one ever sees found out. They are very thorough in their work. Anyway Gina told Xavier the cops were on to him, so he went home and poured the bomb ingredients down the sink. This caused both him and April to pass out while noxious gases snaked their way around Irene’s gaff. Gawd save Ireland, I hope it doesn’t blow up.

Well, Alf is out and he’s ready for a scrap.  He’s raging against the changes made to the surf club in his absence by the original JP.  Personally, I don’t think they’re too outrageous.  Paying for parking after four hours is fair enough.  How could you spend four solid hours in the surf club anyway?

Despite his new-found vigour, Alf has also emerged as the most forgiving man in all Australia.  First he had a chinwag to Irene, who was ready to see him locked away for life.  Then he hightailed it down to the cop shop for a tete-a-tete with Will, even convincing him to speak to Lilly before he went down.

Will turned out to be a bit of a tragic figure.  He’s off to jail and for a long time, be the sound of it.  I’m living for the day when Gypsy shows up.

Lilly seemed happy enough with her da’s explanation of what happened.  So much so that she gave Veej his first kiss.  Cute!

Morag and Colleen deserve their own spin-off show.  Their repartee is delicious.

Jaysus.  All of a sudden it’s Bianca and Vittorio’s wedding day!  Here’s what happened:

• Bianca’s makeup was shocking, like Lily drew it on with a crayon. Also she was a weird colour.
• Liam showed up looking extremely unkempt.
• Bianca jilted Vittorio at the altar and went off with Liam on his motorbike. Not surprising.
• Romeo, in an uncharacteristic move, punched Vittorio for no reason.
• Alf gave Vittorio “sling yer hook” eyes.
• Everyone started clapping!  No sympathy for the Prince.
• Gina and John saved the day by getting married instead. Eh, don’t you need paperwork down unda?  And WHAT ABOUT BANDICOOT?
• Ruby fell in love with Romeo when she spied him kissing Indi. She is a nutter.
• There were some class shapes thrown at the wedding. Special mentions go to Veej and John.
• Joanna made April go back to Europe with her.
• Nicole confessed to Marilyn that she’s pregnant. Who’re ya having it for? Penn! Oooooh!
• Robert of the House of Robertson rocked up to the wedding and arrested Alf.
• Will stormed off very guiltily.
• Sid looked confused.
• Alf looked stoic.

Was that the most dramatic episode of all time?

They’re driving on your highways, they’re snatching your children up.

Poor Leah and Will freaked out because Lilly and VJ tried to run away to Africa. They needed a bit of help on the way as they couldn’t walk to the airport.  Luckily/unluckily, Gary the friendly paedo was on hand in his battered red car to give them a lift.  Unfortunately for him, Robert Robertson decided it was good police practice to ignore his ongoing murder case and switch attention to the missing children.  Cue a high speed chase, Robert’s on the case.

Meanwhile, the kids have legged it and Gary got a grilling. Robert managed to find them hiding down the back of a garage. All that was wrong with them was an empty stomach. All’s well that ends well and all that.

It’s amazing how they fill episodes of Home and Away sometimes.  That one was full of Leah flustering about whether she and Elijah would hit it off in Africa, and VJ worrying about her calling off the trip.  We had Leah talking to Miles, VJ talking to Miles, Miles talking to Leah about VJ’s worries, and Miles finally resassuring VJ that all would be well.  So the upshot is, they’re still going to Africa.  Phew.  It’d be great if they did some off-location episodes.

Mitzi kissed Dexter, supposedly to show him what it’s like being the subject of unwanted advances.  Yeah right Mitzi.  Sid is none too impressed, and rightly so.

April has discovered a super eco Swedish bus scheme and wants Palmer to set it up in Summer Bay.  Palmer looked interested in its money-making potential.  Colleen would probably be interested too if it kept the apocalypse-predicting lunatic from Mangrove River away.

So, Miles told Leah ’twas him who helped Veej write to Elijah.  Leah went mental, then calmed down and called around to the caravan park with a confession.  She’s been writing to Elijah every day since he left.  Where in the name of God did she get the time to do that?  No wonder she’s so flustered.

All this talk of Elijah makes me think he might be coming back.  Normally when someone leaves the Bay, they’re never/rarely heard of again.  For example, Dani, Jade, Kirsty, Cassie, Rhys, Shelly, Tasha, Geoff, Robbie, and the list goes on.

In another unusual H&A move, no-one has found out about Hugo’s money.  Well, Charlie knows, but it’s not public knowledge.  What’s that about?  Anyway well done to the writers for not following their usual path!

As per usual in Summer Bay, a life changing decision is made in the blink of an eye.  Elijah woke up and was looking forward to his wedding to Leah.  By that same evening he was on his way to a disaster zone in Africa.

Poor Leah.  Yet again a fella leaves her.  She really is unlucky in love.  Two dead husbands, one broken engagement and a son who doesn’t know if he’s human or veejtable.  No doubt she’ll bounce back and will have a new suitor in a week or two.

Hmm, not sure what to make of Alf and Marilyn going on a date.  Although, they would be a humorous couple.  Marilyn could get into scrapes and Alf could grumble about “that flamin’ woman”.

Marilyn does like an older man, too.  But it might be a bit weird seeing as Flathead and Alf are best buds.

What about Elijah’s ma?  She’s a proper wagon, and the da is totally henpecked.  Poor Leah.  Sure she’s skin and bone as it is.  Dunno how she managed to give birth to VJ at all.

Edit: I forgot to mention the Hugo storyline, maybe because it’s COMPLETELY BORING.  Anyway there’s a new cop in town, he killed the kidnapper with the weird accent, and now he’s after Hugo. Snoooooooooze.

Ah here.  H&A is way too sad these days.  First was the whole Miles/Rabbit scenario, and now today Leah and VJ visited Vinnie’s grave to say goodbye.  That’s enough sadness now, I thought.

Elijah didn’t think so, though.  He threw in a tragic story about his dad dying on a fishing trip.  I’m not able for this.

Aden’s stupid brother had a flashback and now thinks he killed their da.  It looks to me like the dad was drink-driving and had a crash.  If only they hadn’t buried him, they’d be ok with the cops.

Romeo set up a romantic date with Annie in the gym.  Possibly inspired by Ruby’s seduction of Geoff using fairy lights, he lit a load of candles.  The Campbells are suckers for small light sources.

Building on the bonza idea that Drew’s Shrew had about a cross-over Home and Away/Heroes show, commenter Sorry for being a crazy dingo has given us a deadly list of Home and Away character super-powers:

1. ALF:  grows gills when he jumps in the water and swims underwater, like a fish which is kind of ironic.
2. COLLEEN:  able to speak any language at will and talk to animals, that means she can gossip with anyone or anything.
3. MILES:  the ability to eat food without ever getting full. (Sounds like a crappy superpower, but in later seasons he will discover he has a psychic conscience named Rabbit).
4. NICOLE:  the ability to attract any person at will with her beauty.
5. JAI:  the ability to be invincible.
6. IRENE: the ability to attract troubled children into her lair.
7. ANGELO: the ability to cause amnesia to others (everyone, including Martha, seems to have forgiven him for killing Jack and covering up the murder).
8. CHARLIE: the ability to change sexuality at will.
9. RUBY: the ability to screech so loud, it causes one’s ears to bleed.
10. GINA: the ability to convince people that she’s actually Tony’s sister and not his grandmother.
11. XAVIER: the same ability as Ruby.
12. MARTHA: the ability to never grieve and be constantly sexually promiscuous.
13. LIAM: the ability to be completely forgotten about only few months after being an Australian megastar.
14. ADEN: the same ability as Martha.
15. LEAH: the ability to be as sexy as Penelope Cruz but no-one in town appearing to notice.
16. RACHEL: the ability to heal, in all areas of medicine.
17. TONY: the ability of super strength.
18. ROMEO: the ability to surf REALLY REALLY WELL. (That one sucked).
19. MINK: the ability to stare at someone and kill them. What a bad ass!
20. VJ: the ability to shoot water bombs from his hands.
21. MORAG: the ability to be the best lawyer ever.
22. RABBIT: the ability to rise from the dead, be psychic and make herself invisible to all but Miles.

What do you reckon? Do you have any others to add?