Ups and downs

Thursday, April 4th, 2013

After all that to-and-fro, Bianca and Heath are now engaged. In a mad/nice move, Celia gave Heath her engagement ring, from her marriage that never was. Les sounds like a nice sort.

So, there’s another Home and Away wedding in the works. It’s been 13 months since Bianca’s last big day, and 14 months since she was going to marry the Prince.

When Celia told Alf about her generosity, he told her her work was done, and to pack her bags. Strange logic, but it seemed to work. Celia is off into the wide blue yonder again. Shame, they could do with a older lady for comic relief. Yoo-hoo, only me!

Sasha is becoming fast friends with Maddie and Spence, and Rosie doesn’t like it one bit. The poor child is gone daft with loneliness. So she tried to fake-drown herself in the sea, in order to get Sasha’s attention. I found myself shouting “would ye just float” at the telly. I’d say they were only a few feet into the ocean.

Poor Sasha too, she always attracts the nutters. Maybe she’ll have to “accidentally” kill Rosie too.*

Real-life Sasha and Rosie are on Twitter, see our H&A twitter list here.



* Only messing, Sasha, old chum.

Bianca’s engaged again

Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

Liam and Bianca are engaged. It must be at least two weeks since she had sex with another man, so fair enough. Good one by Liam taping the ring inside her motorbike helmet. I hope they invite His Royal Highness Vittorio.

Indi found out Romeo gave Mink their savings. She gave him a bollocking, and rightly so. I hope she still has her own bank account.

Romeo gave the weird spy fella info on the new development, which weird spy fella passed onto Harvey. Harvey announced this at a council rally, and everyone was strangely disgusted at what looked like a nice new development to me.

In terrible news, Miles is leaving. Sally got him a teaching job in Thailand, the wench. He can’t take being around Leah anymore. Boooo.

Lastly, I wish Colleen would call to my house with scones. She could nose around all she wanted.

Oh, actually, I forgot that Leah saw Little Brax when Big Brax and Charlie were having night-time boldness in the kitchen. Why don’t either of the lovebirds have their own house?

STD Tree

Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

Help us solve this mystery, where did the chlamydia originate? Have we left someone out?

Edit: it doesn’t matter, Ruby doesn’t have chlamydia, so the buck stops with Emily.

STD tree 6

Speedy Gonzales!

Monday, February 7th, 2011

Jaysus. All of a sudden it’s Bianca and Vittorio’s wedding day! Here’s what happened:

  • Bianca’s makeup was shocking, like Lily drew it on with a crayon. Also she was a weird colour.
  • Liam showed up looking extremely unkempt.
  • Bianca jilted Vittorio at the altar and went off with Liam on his motorbike. Not surprising.
  • Romeo, in an uncharacteristic move, punched Vittorio for no reason.
  • Alf gave Vittorio “sling yer hook” eyes.
  • Everyone started clapping! No sympathy for the Prince.
  • Gina and John saved the day by getting married instead. Eh, don’t you need paperwork down unda? And WHAT ABOUT BANDICOOT?
  • Ruby fell in love with Romeo when she spied him kissing Indi. She is a nutter.
  • There were some class shapes thrown at the wedding. Special mentions go to Veej and John.
  • Joanna made April go back to Europe with her.
  • Nicole confessed to Marilyn that she’s pregnant. Who’re ya having it for? Penn! Oooooh!
  • Robert of the House of Robertson rocked up to the wedding and arrested Alf.
  • Will stormed off very guiltily.
  • Sid looked confused.
  • Alf looked stoic.

Was that the most dramatic episode of all time?

Runaway bride?

Tuesday, February 1st, 2011

Bianca is distraught.  Her Ma gave her a dressing down after copping on to the fact that Bianca was having doubts. Bianca is very easily swayed and can be talked into a life changing decision in a few minutes.  She’s caught between her heart and April telling her to go for Liam while her head and her mother are saying to go for Vittorio.

All of the pressure is making Bianca crack.  It seems like she’s feeling the pressure.  Bringing events to their logical conclusion, I think she’s going to leave poor Vittorio at the altar. She’ll run down the aisle and hop onto the back of Liam’s bike and ride off into the sunset.  Heart rules head every time in Summer Bay.

Mamma Mia!

Tuesday, January 25th, 2011

Oh look at Bianca and April’s ma!  She’s improbably young.  Liam had quite the glint in his eye when he met her.  Nice ruse by April by the way, get Liam over for “guitar lessons” in the hopes that he and Bianca will fall for each other again.  Mammy Joanna is on Team Prince Vittorio though.

Marilyn is putting her affairs in order before she croaks it, what with her end date coming up.  She gave Romeo and Indy five big ones so that they can have their formal AKA debs in Angelo’s.  I smell a disaster; they’re gonna wreck the gaff.  Sid must be going mental humouring Marilyn – she does something mad in every episode.

An Affair to Forget

Wednesday, January 12th, 2011

Why in the name of Bruce and Sheila are John and Gina sneaking off to a hotel for secret rendez-vous? And tormenting poor Xavier in the process? In our house, there were cries of “Why is John’s bed just inside the door” and then “Why is he in a hotel?”. I still don’t really understand it.

In the spirit of honesty, Sid told Marilyn about Mitzi saying her “end date” still stands. Should’ve told her after it passed, Doc.

Liam and Bianca are showing off their respective partners in a bid to make each other jealous. Maybe Vittorio will have a fling with Buskerlady and that’ll sort everyone out. They could get the room beside John and Gina in the Sands.

Return of the Bay

Monday, January 3rd, 2011

Yahoo Home and Away is back.  I’m glad to see not much has changed. You still have to book your flight and leave the Bay the very same day, as demonstrated by Vittorio and Shandi.  However, Vittorio decided to hang back and take it to the next level with Bianca.  Just in time, Vittorio, because Rockstar Liam Murphy is ringing yer missus.

Ruby fancies her driving instructor, and the feelings are mutual.  So much so that it makes her act like a moron down the Diner.  She’s really good at parallel parking though.

Break x 2

Friday, December 3rd, 2010

Robert Robertson is slowly uncovering the Penn case. What’s Nicole hiding? She was very shifty when he asked her about the sequins. Anyway, how many different types of sequins can there be?

Alf and Miles denied all knowledge of Tulip O’Hare, but Alf showed his true colours later when he visited her grave. RR and accomplice got photographic evidence. How will he dig himself out of this hole?

Dexter is turning into a proper comedic character in the vein of Max and Robbie. He has his eye on the lady detective. What’s the age difference there, I wonder?

Bianca broke it off with Vittorio as his womanising ways got too much for her. Arrivederci, your majesty.

Aaaand now Home and Away is taking a break and won’t return until after Christmas. However will we manage?

I dream of Liam

Thursday, November 18th, 2010

No sooner has Bianca said “I do” than Ireland’s favourite son Liam Murphy has her waking up in a sweat. The bauld Liam has the roguish vagabond look compared with Vittorio’s aristocratic latin looks. But who will Bianca choose? The ever reliable April favours Murph and so does Bianca, even if she won’t admit it to herself.

News just in – Summer Bay fashions reach a new low! WTF was Indy wearing today? Orange hot pants over black leggings with a leather sleeveless top. Fashion police emergency.

bring back miles
Original image from This is Oz

all the dead

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