So, Gina got herself a new boyfriend in the shape of John Palmer.  No sooner did he drop her home than they were at it.  Poor Xavier saw the aftermath.  That fella’s going to have a breakdown.

Annie and Romeo got the lead roles in Romeo and Juliet, but, “hilariously”, she’s playing the boy and he the girl.  This’ll be gas.

Tony wants to start a boxing club at the school.  Gina says no.  I think Elijah should teach them all ninja.

Building on the bonza idea that Drew’s Shrew had about a cross-over Home and Away/Heroes show, commenter Sorry for being a crazy dingo has given us a deadly list of Home and Away character super-powers:

1. ALF – grows gills when he jumps in the water and swims underwater, like a fish which is kind of ironic.
2. COLLEEN – able to speak any language at will and talk to animals, that means she can gossip with anyone or anything.
3. MILES – the ability to eat food without ever getting full. (Sounds like a crappy superpower, but in later seasons he will discover he has a psychic conscience named Rabbit).
4. NICOLE – the ability to attract any person at will with her beauty.
5. JAI – the ability to be invincible.
6. IRENE – the ability to attract troubled children into her lair.
7. ANGELO – the ability to cause amnesia to others (everyone, including Martha, seems to have forgiven him for killing Jack and covering up the murder).
8. CHARLIE – the ability to change sexuality at will.
9. RUBY – the ability to screech so loud, it causes one’s ears to bleed.
10. GINA – the ability to convince people that she’s actually Tony’s sister and not his grandmother.
11. XAVIER – the same ability as Ruby.
12. MARTHA – the ability to never grieve and be constantly sexually promiscuous.
13. LIAM – the ability to be completely forgotten about only few months after being an Australian megastar.
14. ADEN – the same ability as Martha.
15. LEAH – the ability to be as sexy as Penelope Cruz but no-one in town appearing to notice.mink
16. RACHEL – the ability to heal, in all areas of medicine.
17. TONY – the ability of super strength.
18. ROMEO – the ability to to…eh…surf…REALLY REALLY WELL. (That one sucked).
19. MINK – the ability to stare at someone and kill them. What a bad ass!
20. VJ – the ability to shoot water bombs from his hands.
21. MORAG – the ability to be the best lawyer ever.
22. RABBIT – the ability to rise from the dead, be psychic and make herself invisible to all but Miles.

What do you reckon?  Do you have any others to add?

Fitz pointed out that Rachel and Tony are rumoured to be leaving SB too!  This is a disaster.  Not only is Rachel a multi-disciplinary doctor and all-round magician, but she’s one of the only normal-sized ladies in town.  She can be as annoying as a gnat at times, granted, but she adds variety to the Summer Bay lady-shape-landscape.  And as for Tony, well, he’s just sound.   But I suppose they are a happily-ish married couple and we all know how long they generally last in Home and Away.

So the winter freeze is over and Home and Away returned to our screens with much ado about something.  A number of things grabbed my attention and beg further inquiry.

1) Was the cameraman pissed or trying to do an MTV audition?  It was all over the place today.  Mad close ups and wobbly shots for no reason.

2) Miles is back to his Derro look that he perfected a few years back.  It was pretty harsh to see him get a bashing when he was fooled by the towel over the head trick.  He’ll be embarrassed when he realises he was battered by a bunch of chislers.

3) It seems the recession has finally hit Australia.  SB super bods is struggling and Tony has put it down to people not renewing with the economic crisis.  What’s next?  2 for 1 muffin offer in the diner?

4) Charlie was even more annoying than usual today.  Ruby should tell her to rack off.

Martha is pining after BangBang/BumBum and Hugo is really pushing the “he needs to be with his own people” angle.  What’s he at?  Maybe HIS INDONESIAN WIFE who just showed up at his and Martha’s house can explain.

Gina is very annoyed with JPIII ever since he fired Romeo.   That’ll cool his heels alright, but it’s nothing a surf and a drink won’t fix.

Geoff and Ruby have had their first tiff; he’s being over-protective and she is a big girl who can look after herself.  Luckily Uncle Tony was on hand to dole out the only level-headed advice in all of Summer Bay to Geoff.  Plus Rachel had a chat to Ruby.  The Holden-Armstrongs should open a counselling centre.  Dan who?

That episode revolved around babies.  Rachel’s wrecked because of hers, and Kirsty’s just annoyed that she’s pregnant in the first place.  The S word was mentioned twice.  Rachel wasn’t feeling very sexy (poor Tony’s having a hard time) and Kirsty told Leah she was tired because of all the supposed sex she was having behind Miles’ back.  That told her.

There might be a new love interest for Leah in the form of Rachel’s widower dad mate, who she met at her mother’s group.  The group seemed to be some kind of competitive showcase for child-rearing abilities.  Fun.

Jai thought that the best way to woo Annie was to set up a website for her.  Unfortunately, before he presented her with it, he spotted her wearing the face off Dexter.  I wonder what he posted on www.anniesummerbay.com when he went home?

Rachel is a pain in the hoop. You’d think she’d be delighted to have the negligence case sorted, but no, she just looked annoyed that she had nothing to moan about. Then Tony brought Harry to the diner to introduce him to Auntie Colleen, and Rachel nearly lost her reason. She’d want to watch herself or topless Tony (did you see that?) will be packing Harry up for good.

Martha is certainly acting like a happy spa these days. Better that than weepy and confused I suppose.

Those were crafty tactics by Morag, using Ross’s Alzheimer’s to try to get to the bottom of the baby mystery. But Charlie had a trick up her sleeve as well, saying her baby had died when in fact she was sitting opposite with a gaping mouth that would catch all the flies in Oz.  I suppose it’s her cop training that allows her to think so quickly, but Jack would never have thought of that.

Poor Charlie all the same, it looks like her journey to the next level wasn’t as consensual as most.

Ooh now that was an episode.  Rachel was in labour after her extra-long pregnancy (in Summer Bay time).  Tony nearly didn’t make it, then he did, then the baby nearly didn’t make it, then he did.  To top it all off, the lady who just lost her baby in Rachel’s care is hanging around the hospital, poised to nick young Harry.  Me fingernails are bitten to stumps; it’s pure Hand that Rocked the Cradle.

I barely had time to exhale when Nicole found Belle taking handfuls of drugs.  That’s how you take cancer drugs, apparently, by the handful.  She thought Belle was up to her old prescription-drug-taking tricks, so Belle confessed that she was dying.  Looks like she won’t be able to have those babies everyone keeps going on about.  Give a girl a chance, she’s not even married yet!

Amanda’s coming back to town.  That’s three harlots in close proximity.  Martha and Charlie better keep their men close.

Irene has gone nuts, downing tinnies and battering kids.  She’s back to her old ways.  She should take her anger out down the gym, like Tony does.  He’s gearing up to give Officer Risotto a proper bashing.

Ok, so there was a lot of drama in that episode.  Aden and Belle and Rocker Man, Irene and the disappearance of Lou, and Roman’s drama is lurking in the background too.  But the biggest revelation of all was that Rachel is ONLY six months pregnant!  She’s huge!  And doesn’t seem to be affected by the Summer Bay time warp.

Maybe this is part of the mystery too?

P.S.  Does anyone else think Aden should step up as the new Noah?  That was some nifty advice he gave Tony…