At first, it seemed like Lucas would make an appearance to talk Tony around. But a storm struck meaning he couldn’t make it.  Funny how nobody has mentioned him in years until yesterday.  He was a pretty boring character too.

Both characters had promising starts but in recent times, both Rachel and Tony have become rather boring.  I don’t remember they last time they weren’t arguing over boxing, John Palmer or something else boring and domestic.  Now that they’re gone to America, the girls of the bay will have to look elsewhere for self defence lessons, maybe Alf will give classes on how to “knock a bloke’s block off”.

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Poor Romeo was scared to tell Indy he is a virgin.  I personally can’t believe he never took it to the next level with Annie – NOT.

Dexter stood in for his da on a date with Marilyn.  She wasn’t too impressed but then he was being a weirdo stalker.

Penn told Nicole a load of horse manure about his childhood and now they are friends again.  We didn’t get to hear what his big secret was; no doubt it will be revealed in a shocking manner shortly.

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If you lived in Summer Bay, who would you ask for romantic advice? That’s right, Alf and Miles. Two bachelors who live together. Anyway Alf reassured Romeo that it’s ok to be romantic with your best friend. He even admitted Ailsa was his. Awwww. Even if she was a bit of a drip.

Rachel is trying to scare Tony into going to Boston; she left her flight confirmation lying about the house. Sly one Doc.

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• Ruby got hammered and threw herself at Liam before puking in his toilet. Despite that, he rejected her advances.
• Bianca scrapped with Palmer and got herself and April kicked out. Never one to turn away a stray, Irene took them in on a whim.
• Leah is a bit mopey because Elijah is gone. Maybe she needs to take up another martial art, that worked the last time she got depressed.
• Angelo is working himself into the ground. In fairness to him, the new restaurant looks great. I’d love to call in for a plate of tapas or two.
• Tony hit the roof because Rachel decided to go to America without his approval. He does have a point there.

Did I miss anything?

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Ruby kissed Xavier because she is a total wagon.  After some sage advice from Tony and some dumb advice from Palmer, Xavier confessed to April, who thought it was grand.

However, Leah appears to be trying to get rid of Elijah.  She’s hinted a few times that he might like to go back to missionary work.  Does she want to marry him or not, like?

Charlie and Angelo are in the throes of a non-crisis.  He has to open his restaurant soon, to a deadline.  He should just do barbeque food for the first few days.  They’re mad for snags ’round there.

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“Bon voyage you little mongrel” said Alf as he threw Mr. Oddley into Summer Bay’s deep waters.  But the doll submerged through the magic of the washing machine, where Alf found him spinning.

Dr. Sid and Tony are best buds now because Sid stuck up for girl’s boxing in front of Rachel.  Sid better watch out, she’s an annoying enemy to make.

Penn is robbing stuff from the caravan park and roundabouts and framing Colleen. What does he have against her?

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Only it wasn’t.  In reality the fight consisted of two middle aged men prancing around the ring, trash talking but not actually fighting.  Poor Coleen got bored being the referee, waiting for the fight to start and walked away.  The two prospective pugilists pulled the plug and the whole collapsed into farce.  Hopefully that’s the end of this storyline now and we can all move on with our lives.  Rachel will be thrilled that there were no bashings.

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The next most popular social group was complete families.  They are very rare.  Rachel, Tony and Harry seem to be the only one at the moment.  Most households are made up of foster kids, various ex-derros and randomers coming in off the street.

In third position was vampires.  A few months ago I would have scoffed at this but I suppose imaginary friends a la Rabbit isn’t that far off.  I also suspect the V-man might have had something to do with the popularity of this choice.

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Xavier told Ruby about the cash he’s sitting on.  How did he keep it for this long?  He’s lucky Mink didn’t run off with it, or Romeo didn’t tell Annie.  Anyway, now that Ruby knows, it’s only a matter of time before Charlie aka the cops find out.  He should just buy a flash car and be done with it.

Tony, in a stupid move, has started to teach Xavier boxing.  Gina has already expressed extreme disgust for the sport.  Duh, Tony.  Don’t cross the headmistress.  Everyone knows that.

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Annie and Romeo got the lead roles in Romeo and Juliet, but, “hilariously”, she’s playing the boy and he the girl.  This’ll be gas.

Tony wants to start a boxing club at the school.  Gina says no.  I think Elijah should teach them all ninja.

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1. ALF:  grows gills when he jumps in the water and swims underwater, like a fish which is kind of ironic.
2. COLLEEN:  able to speak any language at will and talk to animals, that means she can gossip with anyone or anything.
3. MILES:  the ability to eat food without ever getting full. (Sounds like a crappy superpower, but in later seasons he will discover he has a psychic conscience named Rabbit).
4. NICOLE:  the ability to attract any person at will with her beauty.
5. JAI:  the ability to be invincible.
6. IRENE: the ability to attract troubled children into her lair.
7. ANGELO: the ability to cause amnesia to others (everyone, including Martha, seems to have forgiven him for killing Jack and covering up the murder).
8. CHARLIE: the ability to change sexuality at will.
9. RUBY: the ability to screech so loud, it causes one’s ears to bleed.
10. GINA: the ability to convince people that she’s actually Tony’s sister and not his grandmother.
11. XAVIER: the same ability as Ruby.
12. MARTHA: the ability to never grieve and be constantly sexually promiscuous.
13. LIAM: the ability to be completely forgotten about only few months after being an Australian megastar.
14. ADEN: the same ability as Martha.
15. LEAH: the ability to be as sexy as Penelope Cruz but no-one in town appearing to notice.
16. RACHEL: the ability to heal, in all areas of medicine.
17. TONY: the ability of super strength.
18. ROMEO: the ability to surf REALLY REALLY WELL. (That one sucked).
19. MINK: the ability to stare at someone and kill them. What a bad ass!
20. VJ: the ability to shoot water bombs from his hands.
21. MORAG: the ability to be the best lawyer ever.
22. RABBIT: the ability to rise from the dead, be psychic and make herself invisible to all but Miles.

What do you reckon? Do you have any others to add?

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1) Was the cameraman pissed or trying to do an MTV audition?  It was all over the place today.  Mad close ups and wobbly shots for no reason.

2) Miles is back to his Derro look that he perfected a few years back.  It was pretty harsh to see him get a bashing when he was fooled by the towel over the head trick.  He’ll be embarrassed when he realises he was battered by a bunch of chislers.

3) It seems the recession has finally hit Australia.  SB super bods is struggling and Tony has put it down to people not renewing with the economic crisis.  What’s next?  2 for 1 muffin offer in the diner?

4) Charlie was even more annoying than usual today.  Ruby should tell her to rack off.

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Gina is very annoyed with JPIII ever since he fired Romeo. That’ll cool his heels alright, but it’s nothing a surf and a drink won’t fix.

Geoff and Ruby have had their first tiff; he’s being over-protective and she is a big girl who can look after herself. Luckily Uncle Tony was on hand to dole out the only level-headed advice in all of Summer Bay to Geoff. Plus Rachel had a chat to Ruby. The Holden-Armstrongs should open a counselling centre. Dan who?

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There might be a new love interest for Leah in the form of Rachel’s widower dad mate, who she met at her mother’s group.  The group seemed to be some kind of competitive showcase for child-rearing abilities.  Fun.

Jai thought that the best way to woo Annie was to set up a website for her.  Unfortunately, before he presented her with it, he spotted her wearing the face off Dexter.  I wonder what he posted on www.anniesummerbay.com when he went home?

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Martha is certainly acting like a happy spa these days. Better that than weepy and confused I suppose.

Those were crafty tactics by Morag, using Ross’s Alzheimer’s to try to get to the bottom of the baby mystery. But Charlie had a trick up her sleeve as well, saying her baby had died when in fact she was sitting opposite with a gaping mouth that would catch all the flies in Oz. I suppose it’s her cop training that allows her to think so quickly, but Jack would never have thought of that.

Poor Charlie all the same, it looks like her journey to the next level wasn’t as consensual as most.

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I barely had time to exhale when Nicole found Belle taking handfuls of drugs.  That’s how you take cancer drugs, apparently, by the handful.  She thought Belle was up to her old prescription-drug-taking tricks, so Belle confessed that she was dying.  Looks like she won’t be able to have those babies everyone keeps going on about.  Give a girl a chance, she’s not even married yet!

Amanda’s coming back to town.  That’s three harlots in close proximity.  Martha and Charlie better keep their men close.

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Maybe this is part of the mystery too?

P.S.  Does anyone else think Aden should step up as the new Noah?  That was some nifty advice he gave Tony…

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