Home and Away is returning into Chuckie Down Under.  Mr. Oddley rose from the grave that Alf dug for him in the caravan park.  Miles thinks someone is “having a lend of” him.  That is one of my favourite phrases ever.

“Bon voyage you little mongrel” said Alf as he threw Mr. Oddley into Summer Bay’s deep waters.  But the doll submerged through the magic of the washing machine, where Alf found him spinning.

Dr. Sid and Tony are best buds now because Sid stuck up for girl’s boxing in front of Rachel.  Sid better watch out, she’s an annoying enemy to make.

Penn is robbing stuff from the caravan park and roundabouts and framing Colleen. What does he have against her?

Mohamed Ali, Chris Eubank and Barry McGuigan are all getting a flight down under as they heard about the impending grudge match between Tony and John Palmer.  It’s a no holds barred  bitter bashathon.  Somebody’s going down, way down.  This is going to be brutal…

Only it wasn’t.  In reality the fight consisted of two middle aged men prancing around the ring, trash talking but not actually fighting.  Poor Coleen got bored being the referee, waiting for the fight to start and walked away.  The two prospective pugilists pulled the plug and the whole collapsed into farce.  Hopefully that’s the end of this storyline now and we can all move on with our lives.  Rachel will be thrilled that there were no bashings.

Well, we ran a poll and it would seem that “the gays” would be the most welcome addition to Summer Bay.  There have been a few gay characters in the past, but they never stick around too long.

The next most popular social group was complete families.  They are very rare.  Rachel, Tony and Harry seem to be the only one at the moment.  Most households are made up of foster kids, various ex-derros and randomers coming in off the street.

In third position was vampires.  A few months ago I would have scoffed at this but I suppose imaginary friends a la Rabbit isn’t that far off.  I also suspect the V-man might have had something to do with the popularity of this choice.

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Oh, Colleen is on rare oul’ form these days; in that episode she was giving out yards about the “graffiti bandits” aka Mad Miles terrorising the caravan park, and ensuring she is living in a “psychedelic nightmare”.  I think they’ve assigned Robert Robertson’s scriptwriter to her.

Xavier told Ruby about the cash he’s sitting on.  How did he keep it for this long?  He’s lucky Mink didn’t run off with it, or Romeo didn’t tell Annie.  Anyway, now that Ruby knows, it’s only a matter of time before Charlie aka the cops find out.  He should just buy a flash car and be done with it.

Tony, in a stupid move, has started to teach Xavier boxing.  Gina has already expressed extreme disgust for the sport.  Duh, Tony.  Don’t cross the headmistress.  Everyone knows that.

So, Gina got herself a new boyfriend in the shape of John Palmer.  No sooner did he drop her home than they were at it.  Poor Xavier saw the aftermath.  That fella’s going to have a breakdown.

Annie and Romeo got the lead roles in Romeo and Juliet, but, “hilariously”, she’s playing the boy and he the girl.  This’ll be gas.

Tony wants to start a boxing club at the school.  Gina says no.  I think Elijah should teach them all ninja.

Building on the bonza idea that Drew’s Shrew had about a cross-over Home and Away/Heroes show, commenter Sorry for being a crazy dingo has given us a deadly list of Home and Away character super-powers:

1. ALF – grows gills when he jumps in the water and swims underwater, like a fish which is kind of ironic.
2. COLLEEN – able to speak any language at will and talk to animals, that means she can gossip with anyone or anything.
3. MILES – the ability to eat food without ever getting full. (Sounds like a crappy superpower, but in later seasons he will discover he has a psychic conscience named Rabbit).
4. NICOLE – the ability to attract any person at will with her beauty.
5. JAI – the ability to be invincible.
6. IRENE – the ability to attract troubled children into her lair.
7. ANGELO – the ability to cause amnesia to others (everyone, including Martha, seems to have forgiven him for killing Jack and covering up the murder).
8. CHARLIE – the ability to change sexuality at will.
9. RUBY – the ability to screech so loud, it causes one’s ears to bleed.
10. GINA – the ability to convince people that she’s actually Tony’s sister and not his grandmother.
11. XAVIER – the same ability as Ruby.
12. MARTHA – the ability to never grieve and be constantly sexually promiscuous.
13. LIAM – the ability to be completely forgotten about only few months after being an Australian megastar.
14. ADEN – the same ability as Martha.
15. LEAH – the ability to be as sexy as Penelope Cruz but no-one in town appearing to notice.mink
16. RACHEL – the ability to heal, in all areas of medicine.
17. TONY – the ability of super strength.
18. ROMEO – the ability to to…eh…surf…REALLY REALLY WELL. (That one sucked).
19. MINK – the ability to stare at someone and kill them. What a bad ass!
20. VJ – the ability to shoot water bombs from his hands.
21. MORAG – the ability to be the best lawyer ever.
22. RABBIT – the ability to rise from the dead, be psychic and make herself invisible to all but Miles.

What do you reckon?  Do you have any others to add?

Fitz pointed out that Rachel and Tony are rumoured to be leaving SB too!  This is a disaster.  Not only is Rachel a multi-disciplinary doctor and all-round magician, but she’s one of the only normal-sized ladies in town.  She can be as annoying as a gnat at times, granted, but she adds variety to the Summer Bay lady-shape-landscape.  And as for Tony, well, he’s just sound.   But I suppose they are a happily-ish married couple and we all know how long they generally last in Home and Away.

So the winter freeze is over and Home and Away returned to our screens with much ado about something.  A number of things grabbed my attention and beg further inquiry.

1) Was the cameraman pissed or trying to do an MTV audition?  It was all over the place today.  Mad close ups and wobbly shots for no reason.

2) Miles is back to his Derro look that he perfected a few years back.  It was pretty harsh to see him get a bashing when he was fooled by the towel over the head trick.  He’ll be embarrassed when he realises he was battered by a bunch of chislers.

3) It seems the recession has finally hit Australia.  SB super bods is struggling and Tony has put it down to people not renewing with the economic crisis.  What’s next?  2 for 1 muffin offer in the diner?

4) Charlie was even more annoying than usual today.  Ruby should tell her to rack off.

Martha is pining after BangBang/BumBum and Hugo is really pushing the “he needs to be with his own people” angle.  What’s he at?  Maybe HIS INDONESIAN WIFE who just showed up at his and Martha’s house can explain.

Gina is very annoyed with JPIII ever since he fired Romeo.   That’ll cool his heels alright, but it’s nothing a surf and a drink won’t fix.

Geoff and Ruby have had their first tiff; he’s being over-protective and she is a big girl who can look after herself.  Luckily Uncle Tony was on hand to dole out the only level-headed advice in all of Summer Bay to Geoff.  Plus Rachel had a chat to Ruby.  The Holden-Armstrongs should open a counselling centre.  Dan who?

That episode revolved around babies.  Rachel’s wrecked because of hers, and Kirsty’s just annoyed that she’s pregnant in the first place.  The S word was mentioned twice.  Rachel wasn’t feeling very sexy (poor Tony’s having a hard time) and Kirsty told Leah she was tired because of all the supposed sex she was having behind Miles’ back.  That told her.

There might be a new love interest for Leah in the form of Rachel’s widower dad mate, who she met at her mother’s group.  The group seemed to be some kind of competitive showcase for child-rearing abilities.  Fun.

Jai thought that the best way to woo Annie was to set up a website for her.  Unfortunately, before he presented her with it, he spotted her wearing the face off Dexter.  I wonder what he posted on www.anniesummerbay.com when he went home?