Lisa turned up to Sid’s house, fully bashed. If I were Sid I would have set Sasha “Killer” Walker on Lisa’s husband. All Lisa got was a chat from Sasha; she’s very wise.

Sasha went a bit mad  with jealousy when she heard about Casey’s imaginary friend, Tamara. I’m not so sure she was imaginary. However, her jealousy was explained when she confessed to Natalie that she might be pregnant! That’s right, in the grand old tradition of Summer Bay teenage pregnancies, following in the footsteps of Roo, Sophie, Angel, Chloe, Tasha, Kirsty, Cassie and Nicole, Sasha is up the duff. Hurray for another River Baby.

Oi.

Firstly, Home and Away is back on RTE TWO. Yippee-ki-ay!

Secondly, what about this Dave Townsend character? Swanning into town (I presume), and instantly swiping the Dickhead crown. He’s harangued Casey and threatened Gina. I personally would love to see him get a River-Boys-style beating.

Hayley is still hanging around the Bay, and back on the junk. So Liam is going to help her go cold turkey. Not sure that’s the best idea. In our house, we think Hayley is headed for an early grave.

Dexter and Lottie are the cutest pair since Tasha and Robbie. Should we call them Dottie or
Lexter?

And no mention of the most burning issue in the Bay – WHAT ABOUT COLLEEN’S JUGS?

So, Miles told Leah ’twas him who helped Veej write to Elijah.  Leah went mental, then calmed down and called around to the caravan park with a confession.  She’s been writing to Elijah every day since he left.  Where in the name of God did she get the time to do that?  No wonder she’s so flustered.

All this talk of Elijah makes me think he might be coming back.  Normally when someone leaves the Bay, they’re never/rarely heard of again.  For example, Dani, Jade, Kirsty, Cassie, Rhys, Shelly, Tasha, Geoff, Robbie, and the list goes on.

In another unusual H&A move, no-one has found out about Hugo’s money.  Well, Charlie knows, but it’s not public knowledge.  What’s that about?  Anyway well done to the writers for not following their usual path!

Young Tasha is a bit famous in Hollywood now – was she in Transformers?  Anyway that hasn’t stopped her wearing mad clothes.

P.S. And continuing her mad streak…

Methodical? Never.

Mysterious? Sometimes.

Misunderstood? Often

Monogamous? Rarely.

Moron? Always.

Martha.  Summer bay is a poorer place without it’s resident wild card. You can say many things about her but life was never dull with her around. It’s hard to know where to start with her.

She arrived in town with a flash when Jack dared her to streak naked along the seafront.  Alf was unimpressed but he had to get used to these kind of shenanigans from his grand daughter.  She later went onto appear in a strip club as a pole dancer which was classic H&A viewing.  She wasn’t slow in showing her assets.

Yes, it was never dull with old Martha.  She was the subject of regular kidnappings, attempted murder, car crashes, cancer, miscarriages and any kind of disaster going really.  The bay will miss it’s resident queen of drama.

She knew when to fight for what was right, such as when she saved Tasha from Mama Rose and the cult.  She also knew when to forgive and forget with Jonah’s past and Hugo’s people smuggling.  Bit of a goldfish memory.

Martha had a talent for making snap decisions.  This is what made herself and Jack such a good match.  Life changing choices like “I’m going to buy a farm”, “I’m adopting Bum bum” or “I’m leaving the bay” would be made in space of a lunch hour.  It would often be followed by the rational of “I’ve thought about it” –  for a whole five minutes, went unsaid.

What of her lovers?  Let us count the names.  I’ll start with Jack. I wonder if we can name them all?

Look at the colour of Isabel Lucas here – Cassie would be so proud.

Uh-oh it looks like real-life Tash was in a crash .  It says she’s alright though!

Do you remember when Tasha used to be a mermaid? She was like Daryl Hanah in Splash . Young Max found her on the beech in the nip and she hopped into the water and swam off after transforming herself into a half-woman half-cod hybrid. Max wished that Alf still had his bait shop so that he could try to entice Tash with a tasty worm or a fly but alas the shop was closed.

Fortunately for Max(imilian), Tasha sprained her ankle and he was able to catch her on the rocks before she could shape shift. Just as max was about to batter her and apply the tartar sauce, Flynn turned up and brought her to the hospital. Max was pissed off as it meant that he went hungry. They asked her questions in many languages and she started to speak in a nonsense language called pig latin. Irene got through to her somehow and she went to live with her, like all strays do in Summer Bay.

Despite her sometimes crap hair and often terrible acting, Tasha got loads of dramatic storylines . She had a habit of going for naked runs in the bush at nighttime which reminds me of the "nudie Father Jack" scene in Father Ted. She also tried to smother Kane, if only she’d succeeded, and had a handgun which her parents left her. This was later used by "crook kid" Duncan Stewart , to blackmail Tasha, Kim Hyde and Robbie for money.

It was then revealed that Tasha was Angie Russell’s daughter. They reckoned that the resemblance is uncanny. I don’t see it myself.

Tasha started to go out with Summer Bay’s very own inventor, actor and renaissance man, Robbie Hunter . This all went well until Tasha got involved with Mama Rose and the believers. They like a cult down Summer Bay way and this was one of the best storylines in recent years. Tasha moved in with the cult despite the fact that Robbie, Martha, Irene and everyone else in the bay told her not to. It went pear shaped when Tasha became pregnant after Mama Rose drugged her and she was "attacked". Tasha and Robbie eventually left the bay to go and live in America with Josie, Tasha’s aunt. Robbie is now using his inventing skills to head up a NASA team planning a trip to Mars. Tasha has set up her very own cult stateside and now only answers to the name "Flower mamma".

Isabel Lucas, aka Tasha the nudey mermaid, will be appearing in Transformers 2, it has been reported.