Home and Away is returning into Chuckie Down Under.  Mr. Oddley rose from the grave that Alf dug for him in the caravan park.  Miles thinks someone is “having a lend of” him.  That is one of my favourite phrases ever.

“Bon voyage you little mongrel” said Alf as he threw Mr. Oddley into Summer Bay’s deep waters.  But the doll submerged through the magic of the washing machine, where Alf found him spinning.

Dr. Sid and Tony are best buds now because Sid stuck up for girl’s boxing in front of Rachel.  Sid better watch out, she’s an annoying enemy to make.

Penn is robbing stuff from the caravan park and roundabouts and framing Colleen. What does he have against her?

Mohamed Ali, Chris Eubank and Barry McGuigan are all getting a flight down under as they heard about the impending grudge match between Tony and John Palmer.  It’s a no holds barred  bitter bashathon.  Somebody’s going down, way down.  This is going to be brutal…

Only it wasn’t.  In reality the fight consisted of two middle aged men prancing around the ring, trash talking but not actually fighting.  Poor Coleen got bored being the referee, waiting for the fight to start and walked away.  The two prospective pugilists pulled the plug and the whole collapsed into farce.  Hopefully that’s the end of this storyline now and we can all move on with our lives.  Rachel will be thrilled that there were no bashings.

Well, we ran a poll and it would seem that “the gays” would be the most welcome addition to Summer Bay.  There have been a few gay characters in the past, but they never stick around too long.

The next most popular social group was complete families.  They are very rare.  Rachel, Tony and Harry seem to be the only one at the moment.  Most households are made up of foster kids, various ex-derros and randomers coming in off the street.

In third position was vampires.  A few months ago I would have scoffed at this but I suppose imaginary friends a la Rabbit isn’t that far off.  I also suspect the V-man might have had something to do with the popularity of this choice.

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AT LAST Marilyn and Alf confronted Miles about his mad behaviour.  He admitted to seeing Rabbit but denied she was a figment of his imagination.  He reckons she’s real and is some class of ghost.  He’s turned into a proper basket case now though.  So the intrepid twosome called in some backup in the form of Rachel.  She wants to medicate Miles but he’s having none of that.

I love these crazy storylines.  At the beginning Miles was a solo madser, but then Marilyn dreamed of Rabbit and Byron, so maybe Rabbit is a ghost oooooh.

Alf, of course, is no stranger to hallucinations and visions.  He advised Miles that it might be a brain tumour.  Thanks Alf.  Just because you turned into an Aborigine and then into your own sister on account of a dicky noggin, doesn’t mean Miles has.  I hope Rabbit starts haunting other people too.  Maybe she could attend Summer Bay High.

Wowee, did you hear Ruby and her amateur-psychology speak in that episode?  She nearly sounded like she knew what she was talking about.  She told Annie that Romeo needed to get in touch with his feminine side.

However, her follow-through wasn’t as good.  The resulting plan consisted of Romeo wearing a dress to school.  He looked well in it, all the same.

I was glad to see some good old-fashioned Home and Away humour there when Elijah discovered a face-masked Leah waxing her legs.  Who leaves it till an hour before a date to wax their legs anyway?

Building on the bonza idea that Drew’s Shrew had about a cross-over Home and Away/Heroes show, commenter Sorry for being a crazy dingo has given us a deadly list of Home and Away character super-powers:

1. ALF – grows gills when he jumps in the water and swims underwater, like a fish which is kind of ironic.
2. COLLEEN – able to speak any language at will and talk to animals, that means she can gossip with anyone or anything.
3. MILES – the ability to eat food without ever getting full. (Sounds like a crappy superpower, but in later seasons he will discover he has a psychic conscience named Rabbit).
4. NICOLE – the ability to attract any person at will with her beauty.
5. JAI – the ability to be invincible.
6. IRENE – the ability to attract troubled children into her lair.
7. ANGELO – the ability to cause amnesia to others (everyone, including Martha, seems to have forgiven him for killing Jack and covering up the murder).
8. CHARLIE – the ability to change sexuality at will.
9. RUBY – the ability to screech so loud, it causes one’s ears to bleed.
10. GINA – the ability to convince people that she’s actually Tony’s sister and not his grandmother.
11. XAVIER – the same ability as Ruby.
12. MARTHA – the ability to never grieve and be constantly sexually promiscuous.
13. LIAM – the ability to be completely forgotten about only few months after being an Australian megastar.
14. ADEN – the same ability as Martha.
15. LEAH – the ability to be as sexy as Penelope Cruz but no-one in town appearing to notice.mink
16. RACHEL – the ability to heal, in all areas of medicine.
17. TONY – the ability of super strength.
18. ROMEO – the ability to to…eh…surf…REALLY REALLY WELL. (That one sucked).
19. MINK – the ability to stare at someone and kill them. What a bad ass!
20. VJ – the ability to shoot water bombs from his hands.
21. MORAG – the ability to be the best lawyer ever.
22. RABBIT – the ability to rise from the dead, be psychic and make herself invisible to all but Miles.

What do you reckon?  Do you have any others to add?

Fitz pointed out that Rachel and Tony are rumoured to be leaving SB too!  This is a disaster.  Not only is Rachel a multi-disciplinary doctor and all-round magician, but she’s one of the only normal-sized ladies in town.  She can be as annoying as a gnat at times, granted, but she adds variety to the Summer Bay lady-shape-landscape.  And as for Tony, well, he’s just sound.   But I suppose they are a happily-ish married couple and we all know how long they generally last in Home and Away.

Did you see the face on Charlie when Angelo was promoted above her?  So disgusted.  At least they discussed it and now it’s sorted (boss).

I never thought I’d say this, but Alf is being really annoying with his constant threats to leave the Bay.  Just go, so.  Himself and Angelo became great mates within the space of a day, downing tinnies in the Caravan Park of an evening.

Why did Geoff take advice from Martha, the walking disaster area?  “Get saltwater into the wound”, she said.  Geoff doesn’t get metaphors, so he ripped off his bandages and lepped into the sea.  I wonder what Doctor Armstrong will have to say about that.  Maybe it’s a radical new therapy they use in Summer Bay.

I don’t understand why Alf and Geoff are so traumatised.  Fair enough with Leah as her fella got bashed in front of her very eyes.  But all the two lads were doing was firefighting until the authorities arrived.  Unless they still can’t believe that everyone else sat on the floor and left them to deal with the disaster.  That’d leave a sour taste in my mouth, too.

Oh look, Rachel won out as the least craic in Summer Bay, with just over 100 of the 373 votes we received! Understandable really, as she fell to whiny, moany pieces once she had a baby.
Annie took second place, followed by Jai, Bartlett and Charlie. I’m surprised Kirsty wasn’t further up the poll (no pun intended).
Miles only got 2% of the vote, confirming what I’ve always suspected – YOU LOVE HIM!

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Martha is pining after BangBang/BumBum and Hugo is really pushing the “he needs to be with his own people” angle.  What’s he at?  Maybe HIS INDONESIAN WIFE who just showed up at his and Martha’s house can explain.

Gina is very annoyed with JPIII ever since he fired Romeo.   That’ll cool his heels alright, but it’s nothing a surf and a drink won’t fix.

Geoff and Ruby have had their first tiff; he’s being over-protective and she is a big girl who can look after herself.  Luckily Uncle Tony was on hand to dole out the only level-headed advice in all of Summer Bay to Geoff.  Plus Rachel had a chat to Ruby.  The Holden-Armstrongs should open a counselling centre.  Dan who?