April has been shopping in Luscious lingerie and she also bought some rubber johnnies. Bianca is a bit freaked by the fact that her little sister might be taking things to the next level but Irene told her to take a chill pill. Bianca tried to convince April that her first time should be with someone she loves, while April just wants to get it over with anyone and Xavier will do. Bianca and Liam are heading to the city, but she managed to convince April to hold off on the deflowering for now.

Dex and Dallas are building a nice relationship, especially now that Dex found out herself and her son live in a car. Dex is a sucker for a girl in need, given that he has a heart of gold. He even organised a van for her in the caravan park, fair play. He’ll need her as an object for his affections once he finds out that April is about to take her love to town.

Miles and Elijah had another showdown. Miles is well pissed off with the Rev, but still shook his hand as they said their goodbyes. I’ll miss Miles, he’s been a good addition to the bay, Roo and Alf are going to take over the caravan park. Farewell Milco, Australia’s loss is Thailand’s gain.

Liam and Bianca are engaged. It must be at least two weeks since she had sex with another man, so fair enough. Good one by Liam taping the ring inside her motorbike helmet. I hope they invite His Royal Highness Vittorio.

Indi found out Romeo gave Mink their savings. She gave him a bollocking, and rightly so. I hope she still has her own bank account.

Romeo gave the weird spy fella info on the new development, which weird spy fella passed onto Harvey. Harvey announced this at a council rally, and everyone was strangely disgusted at what looked like a nice new development to me.

In terrible news, Miles is leaving. Sally got him a teaching job in Thailand, the wench. He can’t take being around Leah anymore. Boooo.

Lastly, I wish Colleen would call to my house with scones. She could nose around all she wanted.

Oh, actually, I forgot that Leah saw Little Brax when Big Brax and Charlie were having night-time boldness in the kitchen. Why don’t either of the lovebirds have their own house?

Who was the mystery weirdo watching Charlie and Brax having a pash? Wouldn’t it be deadly if it was Alf, and this was a hobby of his?

Anyway would Charlie and Brax ever eff off? She’s a cop and bad at her job. He’s a prior dealie (betcha that’s a word) with ties to his past. I get it, it’s a conflict. Zzzzzzzz

Miles found out about Elijah fancying Leah. He was heartbroken, poor thing. Leah doesn’t know, and has no interest in the Rev. Good woman Leah, he’s turned into a SAP. Miles is going to visit Sally in Thailand, hopefully he meets Cassie and Baby Henk too.

Romeo got yet another job, and immediately asked for an advance. My faith in his business acumen is dwindling by the day.

Sid and Roo are an item again. Turns out she loves paeLLa.

Leah and Miles are no more. Both of them are pretty sad about it. Elijah is ALREADY sniffing around Leah, so Marilyn warned him off.

Marilyn also advised Dexter to apologise to April. He did so while wearing the worst suit of all time. Not only that, but April told him to get bent. She’s still annoyed with him, so she’s devised a plan to seduce some randomer at the formal. She confided in Ruby, who, unsurprisingly, thought it was a great idea.

Bianca is trying to keep Liam away from Brax, as the Rock Star still doesn’t know the truth about the accident. She won’t have to worry for too much longer, as Charlie and Brax are conspiring to leave town. Brax can’t stay around and resist The Boys.

Hahaha did yis see Roo frolicking down the beach in her red tent/dress? What a pity it was Harvey waiting for her on the beach. Why doesn’t he go on a long, long charter and leave everyone in peace?

Mr. JP was struck off the council, and wants to spend his life savings on the development. Gina rightfully made a disapproving face. Harvey reckons he can win John’s old seat.

Charlie and Brax are living it up, going to the beach during the day, etc. How is Charlie paying rent if she’s not working?

Miles found out Leah is back in town. He confronted her about her lies. He should have confronted her about being a moany oul bag while he was at it. Future babies seems to be the crux of the issue, and neither of them are backing down.

Harvey is continuing to spread rumours about John Palmer and his corrupt ways. Roo got involved and asked him to stop, to no avail. Rumours tend to get believed in small towns like the bay so John’s in strife with the council now, they want him to resign. Harvey needs stopping asap.

Miles is heading for a fall. He seems to think himself and Leah are headed for a reconciliation but Leah has other ideas and lied to him on the phone. To top it all, Colleen told him that he was looking a bit fat. I’m surprised how thin he is considering he stuffs his face in most scenes.

Sash is in hospital with her infection. Stu had a showdown with Sid, who got a taste of his anger. The doc won’t let him anywhere near Sasha now. But he got the impression that Stu convinced her to get the tattoo, which isn’t true and she didn’t set her Dad straight, future conflict alert. Xavier seems happy enough to hang around the hospital, waiting for her condition to improve. Isn’t he a bit old for Sasha, she’s only 15.

I’m so excited, I’m gonna live blog this episode, here goes:

Argh, shut up about sport, RTE people!
I forgot about Harvey’s stupid face!
Also forgot about Sid’s declaration of love!
Harvey’s in the “barbecue area”.
Roo is keeping Harvey at bay cos of the doc.
Romeo slacking on his dinner preparations, very slow chopping.
Marilyn’s hair is lovely.
Roo and Marilyn having a girlie chat about boys.
Miles and Veej hanging out on beach.
Colleen driving sick Irene mad.
There’s going to be a surprise fundraiser for Irene.
Harvey putting pressure on Alf re: Blaxland.
“Just because I’m your son, doesn’t mean you can control everything I do”. Veej demands RESPECT.
Miles is very philosophical about the break-up. Veej thinks it’s Leah’s fault.

BREAK

Poor Irene is crying. Awwww. Cancer’s no joke.
Alf says Colleen’s mouth works overtime. He’s not wrong.
Irene is not on for leaving the house.
Alf’s under orders to wear pink for the fundraiser.
“Are you using me to get Dad’s boat”, sez Roo to Harvey.
Veej and Leah rowing. IM NEARLY THIRTEEN.
Marilyn coaxing Irene out of house. Very persuasive.
Roo and Harvey row, Alf kicks him out. IN YER FACE HARVEY
Irene stunned at fundraiser, makes speech.
Palmer in pink cowboy hat.
Roo calls to farm, Romeo can lease Blaxland again, Sid says forget about his declaration of love.
The ladies have wine, cake and biscuits.
Veej getting a bus outta town. I bet he’s going to THE CITY.

This breakup is very difficult for Leah, Miles, Veej, and most importantly, me! I don’t know how much more moping, staring into the distance, talking to everyone but each other about it, crying over the answering machine, and general all-round misery I can take.

Romeo basically told Alf to sell Harvey the boat. I hope it blows up the first time he takes it out on the water, the big weird bastard.

We’ve had some comments that Alf had the best quote of all time in today’s episode, but I can’t remember it – what was it?

Update: I forgot about Charlie’s date with the robbery victim, and it being uncovered that Brax was the getaway driver in said robbery. Good police work by Constable Watson.

Harvey is some boy. He poured petrol on the Blaxland, then “saved the day” when Alf was around, blaming Romeo for the spill. He then offered to buy the boat. Luckily Liam saw Harvey on the boat with the petrol. Grr Harvey is such a weirdo.

Miles and Leah agreed to stay together, were back to normal for about five minutes, then had a row, and Miles moved out. Veej saw it coming. He might be the most sensible person in the Bay.

Indi got an internship with the dude who’s building the new resort. Hope he doesn’t turn out to be a perv.

There was a collective shout of OHHHHH in our house just now, as preteen Lily told prospective da Mark that mammy Gypsy was being bold on the beach with Liam Murphy, all-round rockstar. The only one I feel sorry for is Irene. She’s trying to recover from chemo in the midst of many dramas. At least her illness means she can get Lily to do the dishes.

Charlie was ready to ride Brax, but found his lawyer’s earring in his car. That car sees some action.

Leah is being a wagon to Miles. I hope they do break up. She’s telling him he pushed her into going ahead with the pregnancy. He did in his HOOP, Leah.