Irene has a new singing teacher called Eddie. He’s a gas man. His classes go from breakfast till lunch, and extend to the diner. He told Liam there’s a fire burning inside him, and that he is going to make it in the music business. He also likes strawberries on his pancakes.

April is an actual simpleton. She told Heath she loves him, and thought he had booked them a night away. Good Jaysus. Henri sabotaged the romantic getaway, but no doubt April will forgive Heath once again.

Who killed Stu? It was none other than his ex sheila, Sasha!  She admitted it to Dr Sid, which is going to be a tough one for him.  He was the prime suspect for the YCPD, now he knows how he can get out of line of fire but to do so, he’ll have to implicate his own flesh and blood.  What a conundrum?

Romeo had a moment of clarity.  His wife was on his case about getting a proper job but Romeo doesn’t react well to wearing a suit and hates engaging in business banter.  After a quick chat with ex rockstar Liam, Romeo came up with a plan.  He’s going to do what he loves and is good at, surfing professionally. I’m hoping it goes well for him but Indi didn’t look too impressed.

Roo pushed Harvey in the water, which convinced him to apologise for messing her around and offer her the old job back. She accepted, for the sake of the bay. I really hope that the two of them don’t end up back together. Harvey is a pain in the ass.

Bianca’s burgeoning bubble is becoming well known baywide, thanks to Coleen’s inquiring and gossiping.  That woman is incorrigible.

Leah and Ruby had a bit of a cry and a make up coffee in Alf’s house.  Leah reckoned that Ruby is the only one who can help Brax from falling apart at the seams.  She went over to say have a chat with him but he was busy getting it on with a young wan.  Rubes hit the effin roof as she felt he was disrespecting her late ma.

Liam “Ireland’s own” Murphy gave Irene some guitar lessons even though he hates country music.  Good to see he’s being the bigger man.

So, after much ado, Bianca and Liam got married. I don’t know why Marilyn’s hairdressing business never took off, she’s got skillz yo.

Heath texted April, Bianca saw the text, went to find Heath to give out, was spotted getting into his car by that nuisance paparazzo, Heath and Bianca took off in the car, paparazzo gave chase, Heath went off-road to lose the snapper, and got a flat. So, everyone at the wedding presumed Bianca had done a runner. Understandable, that, seeing as that’s what happened last time she had a do.

In true Summer-Bay stylee, loads of people were missing. Neither party’s parents (or in the case of Liam, children) were there, Indi didn’t bother as her da is a murder suspect and she didn’t want questions, and Irene stayed at home on account of her dicky ticker. Luckily, Roo wore enough dress for 7 people, so that bulked out the crowd a bit.

Axle “Bongo” Whitehead’s version of the Home and Away theme accompanied the ceremony. It’s bouncy.

Sasha’s hair-bow-yoke was found where Stu met his maker. The net is closing.

Stu the Sasha Basha is dead. He hasn’t been seen since trying to get Sasha into his car. Shortly afterwards, she came home crying. Curious…

Of course angry doc Sid Walker is a suspect, having done some pre-death bashing of Stewart. Imagine if Rhys came back, and he and Sid formed an Angry Dads Alliance. The River Boys would be shaking in their boots.

Development Denis is in trouble as he moved Stu’s body from the resort to the caravan park. What an amazingly stupid (and sly) thing to do.

The paparazzi, sorry, I mean ONE paparazzo, is after Liam and Bianca. That’s pretty odd as Liam has been off the celebrity circuit for ages. Bianca is worried how this will affect the wedding, which, in true SB-time-warp-style, is tomorrow.

It was a fairly eventful night in Summer bay what with Bianca’s hen and Liam’s stag. Liam asked Romeo to be his best man which seemed surprising but he doesn’t really have any other friends so it was the only option. Bianca is asking April to be her maid of honour which is fair enough but surprising in the fact it was such an orthodox choice. At her last engagement party she asked Charlie to be her MOH. Given that they had only known each other for about a week, I expected her to ask somebody she’d just met, like the new teacher Henry.

Bianca had her hen’s night in Irene’s house which seemed a strange choice, but there are only so many available venues in the bay. It was all going well when Roo suggested they turf the contents of each other’s bags on the floor. Messy. Then a stripper dressed as a Firie turned up only to leg it when he saw Bianca and Gina there. It turned out he was a ex-Summer-Bay-High student. They didn’t seem too bothered by alumni working as stippers.

Liam’s bash was on in Angelo’s courtesy of Brax. Heath turned up at the bucks night with the rest of the boys. Where were the boys when he was getting intimidated by Geoffrey King? Conspicuous by their absence. Geoffrey is leaving Brax alone now as Leah paid him off. Now Brax owes Leah $25k, all thanks to Heath. He would have been better off paying his brother the money to leave town, then he’d stop costing him money. How long will it be before Brax comes out of mourning and he starts getting it on with Leah?

April has been shopping in Luscious lingerie and she also bought some rubber johnnies. Bianca is a bit freaked by the fact that her little sister might be taking things to the next level but Irene told her to take a chill pill. Bianca tried to convince April that her first time should be with someone she loves, while April just wants to get it over with anyone and Xavier will do. Bianca and Liam are heading to the city, but she managed to convince April to hold off on the deflowering for now.

Dex and Dallas are building a nice relationship, especially now that Dex found out herself and her son live in a car. Dex is a sucker for a girl in need, given that he has a heart of gold. He even organised a van for her in the caravan park, fair play. He’ll need her as an object for his affections once he finds out that April is about to take her love to town.

Miles and Elijah had another showdown. Miles is well pissed off with the Rev, but still shook his hand as they said their goodbyes. I’ll miss Miles, he’s been a good addition to the bay, Roo and Alf are going to take over the caravan park. Farewell Milco, Australia’s loss is Thailand’s gain.

Liam and Bianca are engaged. It must be at least two weeks since she had sex with another man, so fair enough. Good one by Liam taping the ring inside her motorbike helmet. I hope they invite His Royal Highness Vittorio.

Indi found out Romeo gave Mink their savings. She gave him a bollocking, and rightly so. I hope she still has her own bank account.

Romeo gave the weird spy fella info on the new development, which weird spy fella passed onto Harvey. Harvey announced this at a council rally, and everyone was strangely disgusted at what looked like a nice new development to me.

In terrible news, Miles is leaving. Sally got him a teaching job in Thailand, the wench. He can’t take being around Leah anymore. Boooo.

Lastly, I wish Colleen would call to my house with scones. She could nose around all she wanted.

Oh, actually, I forgot that Leah saw Little Brax when Big Brax and Charlie were having night-time boldness in the kitchen. Why don’t either of the lovebirds have their own house?

Liam’s jam/biro scars seemed to clear up between the first scene and the car auction. He got a bit of a land when Bianca tried to get him to buy a family car for when they start a family in the future.Liam isn’t ready to put his rock star past behind and bought another bike, much to Bianca’s chagrin.

April is organising a list of potential take it to the next level dudes. She met a bloke called Jonathan at the auction, who asked her to go to the formal with him. Could he be the one? Apparently not, she told him she’s not ready to move on from Dex yet. It’s between Xavier and Heath at the minute. Bianca is not impressed with her hanging around with Heath. Given how she’s going through a rebellious phase I fear she’ll opt for the bad boy. This good girl gone bad storyline reminds me of when Jade went off the rails and organised a sit in.

Marilyn organised a girly lunch for Irene with Colleen and Roo. Irene thanked the girls for standing by her during her cancer trials. What did she expect them to say, “I hear you’re sick so stay out of our way until you’re better”? They decided to invoke the dart arts by doing a tarot card reading. Unsurprisingly it predicted that somebody will die. Who could it be? Colleen lost the plot and Irene looked worried, so worried that she decided to make a will.

Leah and Miles are no more. Both of them are pretty sad about it. Elijah is ALREADY sniffing around Leah, so Marilyn warned him off.

Marilyn also advised Dexter to apologise to April. He did so while wearing the worst suit of all time. Not only that, but April told him to get bent. She’s still annoyed with him, so she’s devised a plan to seduce some randomer at the formal. She confided in Ruby, who, unsurprisingly, thought it was a great idea.

Bianca is trying to keep Liam away from Brax, as the Rock Star still doesn’t know the truth about the accident. She won’t have to worry for too much longer, as Charlie and Brax are conspiring to leave town. Brax can’t stay around and resist The Boys.