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So, Doctor Sid is really back in da house.  He valiantly tried and failed to save the life of a young mother, and all of a sudden the nurses love him.  One even slinked up to his house and basically offered herself to him on a plate.  Oh Doctor!

There’s a new moron in town.  French girl’s sister rocked up to Summer Bay on a scooter, in a ballgown.  She paused briefly somewhere to remove her helmet, shake out her long blonde hair, and put her helmet on again.  Sexy.

She flew directly to the Bay from Milan, bringing only her scooter as hand luggage.  Some dastardly Italian had cheated on her, so she ran from their engagement party straight back to Oz.  Good call.  Liam’s already interested.  I hope she looks as well in jeans and a tshirt.

The Walkers, that’s who.  Sid, Indigo and Dexter have returned to the bay.  What effect is that going to have on poor Nicole?  Sure she has no end of older men to lust after between the good doctor and the mysterious Penn.  Ruby is trying to follow Nicole’s example with her own older man obsession.  Liam is the object of her affections despite the fact that he’s made it clear he has no interest in her and wants to keep his job.  Nice to see somebody in the show act sensibly and use their brain.  With those kind of instincts Liam will be made principal in the nest few days, given Summer Bay timescales.  From bad boy rocker to small town school principal in 12 months or less.

…Liam have a girlfriend around his own age?  He’s a handsome rock star.

The graffiti artist aka Rabbit aka Mad Miles is still at large, and the caravan park residents are threatening to take the law into their own hands.  Personally, I’d like to see that.  Colleen would look the part in camouflage gear and black face paint.

Not content with painting the Bay, Miles is causing more havoc by throwing Elijah and Leah together.  He used the old invite-them-both-to-dinner-then-lock-them-in-a-caravan-but-pretend-it-was-your-imaginary-friend trick.  What high jinx!  I bet Elijah’s secret is that he’s never “taken it to the next level”.  He’s in the right spot for that, so.

Liam Murphy is sporting a very strange beard.  It’s like he was run over by the world’s smallest lawnmower.  Maybe it’s to complement his very strange housemate.

Charlie phoned Leah’s psychologist to make an appointment.  Do you reckon in Australia, psychologists are called psychos?

Building on the bonza idea that Drew’s Shrew had about a cross-over Home and Away/Heroes show, commenter Sorry for being a crazy dingo has given us a deadly list of Home and Away character super-powers:

1. ALF – grows gills when he jumps in the water and swims underwater, like a fish which is kind of ironic.
2. COLLEEN – able to speak any language at will and talk to animals, that means she can gossip with anyone or anything.
3. MILES – the ability to eat food without ever getting full. (Sounds like a crappy superpower, but in later seasons he will discover he has a psychic conscience named Rabbit).
4. NICOLE – the ability to attract any person at will with her beauty.
5. JAI – the ability to be invincible.
6. IRENE – the ability to attract troubled children into her lair.
7. ANGELO – the ability to cause amnesia to others (everyone, including Martha, seems to have forgiven him for killing Jack and covering up the murder).
8. CHARLIE – the ability to change sexuality at will.
9. RUBY – the ability to screech so loud, it causes one’s ears to bleed.
10. GINA – the ability to convince people that she’s actually Tony’s sister and not his grandmother.
11. XAVIER – the same ability as Ruby.
12. MARTHA – the ability to never grieve and be constantly sexually promiscuous.
13. LIAM – the ability to be completely forgotten about only few months after being an Australian megastar.
14. ADEN – the same ability as Martha.
15. LEAH – the ability to be as sexy as Penelope Cruz but no-one in town appearing to notice.mink
16. RACHEL – the ability to heal, in all areas of medicine.
17. TONY – the ability of super strength.
18. ROMEO – the ability to to…eh…surf…REALLY REALLY WELL. (That one sucked).
19. MINK – the ability to stare at someone and kill them. What a bad ass!
20. VJ – the ability to shoot water bombs from his hands.
21. MORAG – the ability to be the best lawyer ever.
22. RABBIT – the ability to rise from the dead, be psychic and make herself invisible to all but Miles.

What do you reckon?  Do you have any others to add?

The Summer Bay time warp seems to be back in operation; the diner has been rebuilt in record time.   I hope they’ve put in a back door and fire alarm this time.

Miles was nearly decapitated by a ceiling fan at the school.   You see, if you sleep, you die.  Maybe Rabbit was asleep when the tsunami got her.

Martha was pretty cranky with Liam.  I really really really hope she’s not pregnant.  I don’t think I could cope.

Martha is the cheeriest widow in Australia.  Her fella isn’t cold in the ground and she couldn’t be in better form.  Liam has moved into her gaff and her bed.  All he has to do is a few chores around the farm to keep her happy.  Martha trades sex for labour.  She’s like some kind of agrarian hooker.  Colleen said that she has a fragile mental state but how is that any different from normal?

There was a lot of quick moving in that episode.  Hugo’s “funeral” was about a week ago, so it’s about time Martha moved on.  First, she expertly roped Liam into working on the farm, then asked him to move in, then leapt on him.  The girl wastes no time.

Furthermore, Geoff made a life decision and left the Bay to be a missionary in the space of about three hours.  Ruby didn’t look too happy at all.  He didn’t even tell Xavier or anyone else in town.

Miles helped Leah get over her agoraphobia.  She did some pretty good acting so there’s not much to slag off there really.

Nothing major happened in episode 5000, but that didn’t matter because…Brendan’s back!  Just on holidays, mind; he’ll be going back to Ruby 2 shortly.

Liam took an overdose because he saw Nicole and Aden kissing on the beach.  People should look around before they start kissing by the Summer Bay sea.

Romeo’s sister arrived.  For a second I thought she was the imaginary girl.  She looks feisty, at any rate.  She’ll surely shake up the caravan park.

In today’s episode, Ruby got Geoff to take it to the next level with her.  What was her secret weapon?  Fairy lights.  Geoff loves them, can’t get enough of them, thinks they are dead sexy.

Nicole, in the space of about two hours, found out Liam cheated on her, broke up with him, and decided she was in love with Aden.  The girl must be working to a deadline.  Also, her hair was deadly tied up.

Aden got the ok to move on from dead Belle, so he quit his job, nicked a car, and took Nicole on a spin.  Not his brightest move.

Finally, Leah got Miles to eat something.  I miss the days when he was eating in every scene.