Leah went on a blind date with craig from Yabbie Creek. It was a disaster. He bored her and he was unimpressed with her drinking. Leah thought it was hilarious when he walked out and left her there on her own in the restaurant. She ordered a bottle of champagne and got locked. Then she sat at the bar and chatted up one of the boys. Brax came in and saved her but she was expecting a goodnight pash when he dropped her home. He managed to resist her drunken advances on the couch. She should have pulled the puke on him move she used on Roman years ago, that’s a sure fire winner every time.

Lottie has a thing for Dex. She told him she likes guys with muscles and a sense of humour, so he’s halfway there. She told Roo that he needs to get over his ex, April, first. I think Dex will kiss Lottie just as April is about to tell him how she feels.

Sid and the new doctor, Melissa had a bit of a flirt at the dinner. Sid seems to have moved on from Roo so maybe that could go places.

John and Harvey are still engaged in their council politics power struggle. Don’t know about the rest of you but I find this storyline pretty boring.

Well, Bianca grew a baby bump overnight, decided to leave town, Liam quit his job, and Heath felt the baby kick. How many times has Liam caught Bianca and Heath together? He got mad and basically admitted he doesn’t want the baby. In fairness, who wants to raise a River Baby? They’d be permanently topless, and always causing fights. Your house and head would be wrecked.

Bianca and April are sly hos. Bianca ran straight to Irene when she was upset, but when Irene had cancer, she basically ignored her. April had no interest in Dex till he found a new buddy. HOS.

P.S. How come Bianca never speaks Italian anymore?

P.P.S. Liam Murphy has some neck telling Leah to clear out of her own house for the evening.

In grand oul Summer Bay tradition, Elijah tells Leah he’s leaving, on his leaving day. Like so many before him, (Geoff, Annie, and so on) the Rev is only dying to get out of town. He’s going to Another Parish. He had a hooley on the beach before he left, and cleared up any stray plotlines while he was at it. See ya later, Rev.

Leah told Brax a barefaced lie when she said she wasn’t interested in him. The truth will come out in the wash.

Liam went MENTILE at Eddie and smashed his guitar. All because Eddie nicked Liam’s lyrics. Fair enough, I thought. The bauld Eddie is denying all culpability, however. What’s that about? What is he playing at? Is he someone’s long-lost relative or something?

April caught Casey and Henri having a secret after-hours pash in Angelo’s. Knowing her capacity for keeping secrets, the whole Bay will know before long.

Sasha the Bashed Basha is going on trial “tomorrow”. This will be good. I hope Morag features heavily.

Brax spent most of the episode putting out fires. First he had the issue of fighting among his staff. Liam and Heath engaged in fisticuffs twice in the space of a few minutes. Heath keeps goading Liam about Bianca and the baby and Liam keeps rising to the bait. Brax had a chat with his misguided bro and tried to get him to cop on but I doubt it will do much good. I can’t see how the two of them can continue to work in the same restaurant which will be a problem for Liam, there aren’t many other employers in the Bay for a man his age. Police/Healthcare worker are about all that’s left considering that he’s already been fired from a school teacher’s job.

Brax’s next problem was dealing with Leah. Once Elijah told him that Leah was in love with him, Brax went cold on them spending time together. He let her know about it too, telling her that there couldn’t be any more calling around or cooking dinner. Leah is going to freak out when she finds out it was Elijah who spilled the beans.

VJ was the final problem for Brax. At first, he decided that an embargo was the best solution which meant an end to fixing the bike. Veej didn’t take the news very well and went on the rampage, knocking over bins and skulling cans with the boys on the beach. Brax relented and said they could rekindle their bike building but it’ll be difficult until the Leah matter is resolved. Meanwhile poor VJ is stuck in the middle. I hope he doesn’t get anymore bad news, he’s likely to take over the river boys and go on a crime spree Johnny Cooper would be proud of.

I think that Brax got an Irish tattoo. He was driven to it when Veeeej asked “you loved Charlie, didn’t you?”. Perhaps the bauld River Boy was afraid he was forgetting his lady love, and got the tattoo to remind him.

Elijah, like a dickhead, called around to Brax’s, to tell him Leah is in love with him. Sly one, Rev.

In other couple-y news, Gina is taking the opportunity to lay down some ground rules with John, and Roo is trying to be more romantic with Harvey. Yay and puke, respectively.

Do you think we should call Harvey and Roo, Hoo, or Rarvey?

April got served by Liam on the beach. She’s also in deep doo-doo with Bianca. So she went straight to Dex, to cry on his shoulder. Poor Dex, he’s a bit of a doormat, he puts up with everybody’s crap. Then he had to try and act normal while April paraded around the farm in front of him wearing one of his t-shirts. I don’t know how he managed to contain himself.

Casey was up to his old tricks with Henry. He called over for a “tutoring session” but hid in the bedroom when Heath called over. Why did he hide? Why not say he was there for tutoring? Then they got a little pash in after class, living dangerously.

Liam and Bianca made an adult decision, they are going to move out and get a place for themselves, or are they? That was what I assumed when they said they were thinking of leaving Irene’s house, but it turns out they just moved into Leah’s instead. Why can’t they afford their own place? It makes no sense.

I don’t know why we’re running that poll to the right, because April has just revealed herself to be the Bay’s biggest dickhead. Hurray! She told Heath that Bianca’s baby is his, proving that she can keep a secret for a maximum of two days. Sure when the baby was born, it would have had a grenade tattoo and then everyone would know anyway.

Darcy made an appearance in that episode, serving her purpose as proof of Heath’s dad skillz.

Not to immediately go back on my word, but maybe April’s not the biggest dickhead in the Bay – Roo and Harvey did firm up their relationship and two dickheads are worse than one.

Leah is still in the running as well, having enveloped Brax in her warm embrace and causing him, in his brain-damaged state, to bolt from her house. Brax is scared of GhostCharlie and doesn’t want to return to the hospital. Doesn’t he know that ghosts are everywhere in Summer Bay, even in fridges?

Maybe we’ll leave this one to the poll after all. Make sure to have your say!

It was good to see Roo tell Leah some home truths. What the hell was she doing in the hospital all night, pining over Brax like a lovesick puppy?  Does she not have a son at home who needs looking after? Does VJ not get sick of his mother having a new boyfriend/flirt friend every ten minutes?

Heath found out that Sully was the one who bashed Brax. Genius that he is, Heath decided that he would mastermind the reprisal and got the boys together. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t go as planned. Sully took Bianca hostage on a cliff top and negotiated his way to freedom. Heath returned to Brax and said “I know, I stuffed up”. Maybe he should get a tattoo with that on it.

April thinks that Heath deserves to find out that he’s the baby’s father, Bianca disagrees but the cat never stays in the bag for long in the Bay. Heath will find out about the baby and try to get break up the newlyweds. Rock star or river boy? Hard choice.

There were a lot of dickheads in tonight’s episode. Let us discuss:

1. Harvey. He’s always been one, in fairness. Points for consistency.
2. Roo. Sniffing around a dickhead makes her a dickhead by association. Also, the stupid jealousy-game-thing.
3. Romeo. For running out on a romantic night with the wife, in order to check on Ruby. I actually think Romeo is a bit simple. Did he ever heard of an invention called the phone, I wonder?
4. Indi. For not shouting at Romeo.
5. Brax. For having a blood and sand tattoo and also for fighting while concussed. It was impressive that he still won, though.
6. Leah. For being interested in Brax. He is a fool and not even nice to her. FOR SHAME, LEAH.

At least we have John Palmer.

Indi is pissed off as she has to make all of the money and Romeo gets to be the party guy.  Romeo is concentrating on his surf practice alongside Ruby, but Indi is sick of telling him to be sensible.  But she did agree to let him surf away to his hearts content on the circuit.  Why didn’t he just tell her that Ruby was going too?

When did April become so conniving? She’s set Heath up to come over for dinner and said she’d be all alone. Unbeknownst to him, Bianca invited Henry over too. Henry then put her foot in it with Leah by implying that she was Brax’s girlfriend, didn’t go down too well.

Tyler is some dope.  He said he’d fix the washing machine for Alf but ended up breaking the new motor part. Given that he isn’t a plumber, it ended up in a predictable disaster. Tyler freaked and ran to Casey for help, as is his wont.  Casey gave him grief when he returned home and it sounds like we’ll finally find out the big secret of what happened in juvie. Maybe it’s that Casey dressed up as a lady in the prison stage production of Pygmalion.