While Martha was in the coma the doctor told Jack that they feared she might have suffered some brain damage. Given how slow she is, it’s questionable whether anybody would have noticed the difference.

Ahhhhh would Jack and Martha ever eff off to eff?  I can’t believe they were dumb enough to get married again.  At least it was better than last time, when a psycho set fire to the wedding.  Well, it was until Martha collapsed.  She’s fecked now.  With Rachel gone from the hospital, it’ll be manned by porters and dinner ladies.  They could clean her and feed her, but fixing a dicky ticker?  That’s another story altogether.

In exciting and non-irritating news, watch the last two minutes of this Youtube video .  H&A is going to turn into some kind of Lost-Rambo hybrid show, with Geoff and Nicole stranded on a desert island (in their pelt, may I add), and Roman wandering around the bush shouting "Adrienne" "Nicole".  I can’t wait.

What are the bets, though, that Geoff and Nicole have just washed up in Yabbie Creek?

Ok, so we have fallen a fair bit behind with the old Home and Away.  Holiers’ll do that for ya.  However, we are slowly but surely catching up.

Today we saw Kirsty in her pelt.  Well, she was wearing underwear.
Miles’ reaction was amazing though.  The scenes when he was imagining her half-dressed were gas.
Sure there are always young ones running around Summer Bay in bikinis.  He must have a terrible time controlling himself.

Kirsty was horrified, oh, about ten episodes back, when Ric kissed her.  I believe "I’m a married woman!" was the phrase roared with piety.  She seems to have forgotten the oul’ marriage vows now.  Oh yes, she has the glad eye for the young Miles and no mistake.

I hate to say it, but are they going to keep Martha in the Bay after a double mastectomy?  It’d be a first if they did.  You barely get away with a birthmark in those parts.

Jack yet again displays his terrible cop skills – abusing his position by picking on Roman.  How he’s holding that job down I have no idea.

It’s about time Rachel got a stalker.  She’s pretty awesome.

Poor Jack – he may not be Martha’s baby-daddy. To be honest, it’s probably better for the child if he’s not. I’d wager Roman’s DNA is substantially better than Jack’s. For one, Roman’s got the cooking gene. He’s also an all-round nice guy. Jack’s child would be a little slow on the uptake to say the least, liable to put his/her foot in it, and completely ignorant of authority.

Computer security in the school is fairly lax. The students’ computers all have access to the whole network, including the headmaster’s computer. Plus, Macs in Summer Bay are very susceptible to viruses. Come to think of it, no-one in Summer Bay owns a PC. Maybe they only sell them in the city.

Some poor woman has done a painting of Jack with the number seven on his face.  She must be deranged.

…whoever wins, we lose.

Jack was so confused when he ran up to the getaway car and Kane wasn’t in it! You could almost see the cogs turning behind his squinting eyes.

Kane isn’t one for outwitting anyone. Foiled during his very obvious burglary, he pulled a couple of burn-outs in the rented car before scarpering into the woods.

How long till Kirsty is working in the Den?
Does Irene think she’s everyone’s mother? First she claimed Dan “He was like a son to me” Baker as one of her own, now she’s got her eye on Kirsty – “Oh Gawd, she’s like a daughter to me”.

I have come to the conclusion that time moves at a different rate in the bay. Marriages, divorces, grieving, all of life’s processes take half the time that they do in real life. Take Jack for instance. After thinking about it for ages, he’s decided that now is the right time to start a family. In Jack’s case, ages is a few hours. Unbeknownst to him, Martha has gotten a head start and is already pregnant. Unfortunately for Jack, it’s Roman’s baby, not his. Now that she is with child, how long before she’s holding her belly? I give it about 3 episodes, and another week before she’s starting to show. I also have a suspicion that the gestation period is considerably shorter. She’ll be ready to pop one out in about six months time. It must be all of that sea air and healthy living.

Morag flippin’ BATTERED that cranky Christian.  With a few well-placed words from her blackened lips, she knocked down her opponent’s whole argument. Why did Christine even bother crossing her?

Is there anything Justice Bellingham can’t do?  And was I the only one who cheered when Melody’s ma was deemed "perverse"?  Paddy O’Flaherty aka Miles (good one Alf) must have been hella relieved.

On another note, Jack is full of truisms these days; today he said the SBPD were "stupid enough" to take him back.  You ain’t wrong there, bucko.

The Ric/Matilda/Viv/Noel/whatever you’re having yourself storyline is wearing a bit thin.  Hopefully that’s the last we see of Viv.

Ric managed to get out of fight club with his life intact after Jack used his non cop powers to "arrest" Noel. Fitzy and Jack back in harness? The local crime lords must be quaking in their boots.

All is now well in the world of Ric and Matilda, or is it? There’s just the small matter of Viv and the unborn baby. For a woman who seemed to know exactly what she wanted a few months back, Ric’s manhood, she now seems to have lost the ability to make any decisions.

What of Jack? Is it all falling into place now? Back with Martha, almost back in a blue uniform and engaged, for the third time in little over a year. Himself and Martha are mental. How long will their marriage last this time? Longer than the last one? In summer bay, life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Commenter Áine made a very observant point the other day – what is the story with Jack’s low-cut tops?

Exhibit A screengrabbed from YouTube:

If he had some cleavage to show, I’d understand. But WHY??