Well, Bianca grew a baby bump overnight, decided to leave town, Liam quit his job, and Heath felt the baby kick. How many times has Liam caught Bianca and Heath together? He got mad and basically admitted he doesn’t want the baby. In fairness, who wants to raise a River Baby? They’d be permanently topless, and always causing fights. Your house and head would be wrecked.

Bianca and April are sly hos. Bianca ran straight to Irene when she was upset, but when Irene had cancer, she basically ignored her. April had no interest in Dex till he found a new buddy. HOS.

P.S. How come Bianca never speaks Italian anymore?

P.P.S. Liam Murphy has some neck telling Leah to clear out of her own house for the evening.

April got served by Liam on the beach. She’s also in deep doo-doo with Bianca. So she went straight to Dex, to cry on his shoulder. Poor Dex, he’s a bit of a doormat, he puts up with everybody’s crap. Then he had to try and act normal while April paraded around the farm in front of him wearing one of his t-shirts. I don’t know how he managed to contain himself.

Casey was up to his old tricks with Henry. He called over for a “tutoring session” but hid in the bedroom when Heath called over. Why did he hide? Why not say he was there for tutoring? Then they got a little pash in after class, living dangerously.

Liam and Bianca made an adult decision, they are going to move out and get a place for themselves, or are they? That was what I assumed when they said they were thinking of leaving Irene’s house, but it turns out they just moved into Leah’s instead. Why can’t they afford their own place? It makes no sense.

Well, Liam found out that Heath knows about the baby, so he’s mad at Bianca, and so Bianca’s mad at April and never wants to see her again. However, Liam knew Bianca had slept with Heath when he married her, so he should just effin’ get over it. They could have one of these new-fangled families, with multiple daddies, one of whom slept with Bianca and her sister. They could have awkward Christmasses and Anzac Days from here to eternity. Plus, why are they all still living with Irene? Maybe Heath and Darcy could move in and complete the set.

Ma Stu admitted to poisoning Da Stu. She’s not a bad egg. She told Sid where the book of shame was, and he went to her very badly secured house and got it. Drama over for Sasha. Will she still go to trial or what?

Bianca told Liam that Heath’s the baby-daddy; Liam stormed off. He’s on for bringing up baby, but only if no-one finds out. Wonder how long that will stay a secret…

Irene had a birthday party; she is grateful for her mates. She shared her present with Eddie; Liam’s not impressed.

Ruby got 250,000 dollahs from Charlie’s estate, but it upset her.

Indi wore a thing on the beach that only covered one boob.

Harvey and Roo are trying to make each other jealous by going on dates with other people.

Brax got a cricket bat to the head while totting up the till. The assailant’s identity is a mystery.

Henri said she can’t tutor Casey after he revealed that he has the hots for her.  Heath found out about it and slagged his brother about his crush. Casey wasn’t impressed, understandably.  He confronted Henri and she didn’t deny that she had feelings for him but told him to keep his distance. The poor woman is helpless when it comes to advances from a Braxton.

There was a beachside Braxton bashathon when Casey told Heath how much of a classless goon he had been, getting with April, to try and get back at Bianca. Casey subsequently went over to Henri’s gaff with his busted nose. She felt sorry for him and didn’t push him away when he slipped her the tongue. Braxton charms work once again.

Why does April never eat anything? She always seems to be turning down food from Irene or Bianca. Stupid Bianca didn’t cop on that it was Irene’s birthday. Bianca is a selfish fool. She never thinks of anyone bar herself.  Still don’t know why herself and Liam are living with Irene. Can’t they afford their own place? One thing she has picked up while lodging in the beach house, is how to do a canny impression of Irene.

She took April to her baby scan aas Liam couldn’t make it. The doctor told her that she was more pregnant than she thought, which means that the baby is Heath’s not Liam’s. How is she going to tell him? It’ll surely send him back off the rails, he’ll be the local junkie again in no time.

Irene has a new singing teacher called Eddie. He’s a gas man. His classes go from breakfast till lunch, and extend to the diner. He told Liam there’s a fire burning inside him, and that he is going to make it in the music business. He also likes strawberries on his pancakes.

April is an actual simpleton. She told Heath she loves him, and thought he had booked them a night away. Good Jaysus. Henri sabotaged the romantic getaway, but no doubt April will forgive Heath once again.

Bianca’s burgeoning bubble is becoming well known baywide, thanks to Coleen’s inquiring and gossiping.  That woman is incorrigible.

Leah and Ruby had a bit of a cry and a make up coffee in Alf’s house.  Leah reckoned that Ruby is the only one who can help Brax from falling apart at the seams.  She went over to say have a chat with him but he was busy getting it on with a young wan.  Rubes hit the effin roof as she felt he was disrespecting her late ma.

Liam “Ireland’s own” Murphy gave Irene some guitar lessons even though he hates country music.  Good to see he’s being the bigger man.

So Roo has decided to join Harvey’s drive to give Summer Bay some daycent parkland. More fool her. John isn’t too impressed, especially since he put 400k into the development, not 100k as previously thought. Gina will have his guts for garters.

To add insult to injury, Casey’s klepto mate robbed John’s car. I bet Klepto was Casey’s prison-husband.

Ruby’s back on the sauce, but Dex is keeping an eye on her. She managed to seduce him with some kind of ape dance. Guess he and April really are over. *sob*

Irene got DVT from sitting on the couch for 3 days. She should have known the SummerBayTimeWarp works on illness too. Colleen came up with some hilarious acronyms for it: IUD, DVD, etc.

Doctor Sid wants to become Flying Doctor Sid. He probably used to watch it on telly, after A Country Practice.

So, after much ado, Bianca and Liam got married. I don’t know why Marilyn’s hairdressing business never took off, she’s got skillz yo.

Heath texted April, Bianca saw the text, went to find Heath to give out, was spotted getting into his car by that nuisance paparazzo, Heath and Bianca took off in the car, paparazzo gave chase, Heath went off-road to lose the snapper, and got a flat. So, everyone at the wedding presumed Bianca had done a runner. Understandable, that, seeing as that’s what happened last time she had a do.

In true Summer-Bay stylee, loads of people were missing. Neither party’s parents (or in the case of Liam, children) were there, Indi didn’t bother as her da is a murder suspect and she didn’t want questions, and Irene stayed at home on account of her dicky ticker. Luckily, Roo wore enough dress for 7 people, so that bulked out the crowd a bit.

Axle “Bongo” Whitehead’s version of the Home and Away theme accompanied the ceremony. It’s bouncy.

Sasha’s hair-bow-yoke was found where Stu met his maker. The net is closing.

It was a fairly eventful night in Summer bay what with Bianca’s hen and Liam’s stag. Liam asked Romeo to be his best man which seemed surprising but he doesn’t really have any other friends so it was the only option. Bianca is asking April to be her maid of honour which is fair enough but surprising in the fact it was such an orthodox choice. At her last engagement party she asked Charlie to be her MOH. Given that they had only known each other for about a week, I expected her to ask somebody she’d just met, like the new teacher Henry.

Bianca had her hen’s night in Irene’s house which seemed a strange choice, but there are only so many available venues in the bay. It was all going well when Roo suggested they turf the contents of each other’s bags on the floor. Messy. Then a stripper dressed as a Firie turned up only to leg it when he saw Bianca and Gina there. It turned out he was a ex-Summer-Bay-High student. They didn’t seem too bothered by alumni working as stippers.

Liam’s bash was on in Angelo’s courtesy of Brax. Heath turned up at the bucks night with the rest of the boys. Where were the boys when he was getting intimidated by Geoffrey King? Conspicuous by their absence. Geoffrey is leaving Brax alone now as Leah paid him off. Now Brax owes Leah $25k, all thanks to Heath. He would have been better off paying his brother the money to leave town, then he’d stop costing him money. How long will it be before Brax comes out of mourning and he starts getting it on with Leah?