So, after much ado, Bianca and Liam got married. I don’t know why Marilyn’s hairdressing business never took off, she’s got skillz yo.

Heath texted April, Bianca saw the text, went to find Heath to give out, was spotted getting into his car by that nuisance paparazzo, Heath and Bianca took off in the car, paparazzo gave chase, Heath went off-road to lose the snapper, and got a flat. So, everyone at the wedding presumed Bianca had done a runner. Understandable, that, seeing as that’s what happened last time she had a do.

In true Summer-Bay stylee, loads of people were missing. Neither party’s parents (or in the case of Liam, children) were there, Indi didn’t bother as her da is a murder suspect and she didn’t want questions, and Irene stayed at home on account of her dicky ticker. Luckily, Roo wore enough dress for 7 people, so that bulked out the crowd a bit.

Axle “Bongo” Whitehead’s version of the Home and Away theme accompanied the ceremony. It’s bouncy.

Sasha’s hair-bow-yoke was found where Stu met his maker. The net is closing.

Liam and Bianca are engaged. It must be at least two weeks since she had sex with another man, so fair enough. Good one by Liam taping the ring inside her motorbike helmet. I hope they invite His Royal Highness Vittorio.

Indi found out Romeo gave Mink their savings. She gave him a bollocking, and rightly so. I hope she still has her own bank account.

Romeo gave the weird spy fella info on the new development, which weird spy fella passed onto Harvey. Harvey announced this at a council rally, and everyone was strangely disgusted at what looked like a nice new development to me.

In terrible news, Miles is leaving. Sally got him a teaching job in Thailand, the wench. He can’t take being around Leah anymore. Boooo.

Lastly, I wish Colleen would call to my house with scones. She could nose around all she wanted.

Oh, actually, I forgot that Leah saw Little Brax when Big Brax and Charlie were having night-time boldness in the kitchen. Why don’t either of the lovebirds have their own house?

Mink is hanging around like a bad smell. Somehow she thinks there is loads of money in the Bank of Romeo. Indi even offered to give her her day spa voucher, and she threw it on the ground. Inconsiderate cahhhhh. Romeo later said he’d have money for her by the end of the week. But Mink isn’t allowed to tell Indi. Bad move Romeo.

Sid met new Doctor Kerrie at Irene’s and asked her out for lunch. Irene found out Roo still has eyes for the doc and got into a terrible fluster. She told Sid, who wasn’t impressed with Kerrie’s lack of opinions anyway.

Stu made friends with Sid and got Sasha’s grounding lifted. Sasha reluctantly went to the beach with The Basher. Later Xavier found her moaning on a bench, and took her to hospital. I call infected tattoo. Xave must have enjoyed that, normally he’s the patient.

Liam’s in the hospital after colliding with Brax and Charlie’s cahhhh. I hope nothing happens to Xavier before the rockstar recovers, there’ll be no bed for him.

Heath and Bianca covered for Chax. Bianca is overly distraught, considering she and Liam are no longer an item.

Sid convinced Alf to hold off on the boat sale. Harvey is very anxious to close the deal. He called around to Romeo to give him a bollocking. Indi overheard and was shocked at Harvey’s extreme knobishness.

Sam admitted to driving the apple core getaway car, meaning Brax is off the hook. Charlie still resigned though. Boss Joyce was confused as to why.

Sid made a house call to Irene, who seems to have lost her hair overnight. That’s the end of her lovely new do! Roo called around and ad a blue with Sid, who ended up telling her Harvey is a fool and he still loves her. Awwww.

Home and Away is off the air now, until JANUARY 16th! How on earth will we manage?

Harvey is some boy. He poured petrol on the Blaxland, then “saved the day” when Alf was around, blaming Romeo for the spill. He then offered to buy the boat. Luckily Liam saw Harvey on the boat with the petrol. Grr Harvey is such a weirdo.

Miles and Leah agreed to stay together, were back to normal for about five minutes, then had a row, and Miles moved out. Veej saw it coming. He might be the most sensible person in the Bay.

Indi got an internship with the dude who’s building the new resort. Hope he doesn’t turn out to be a perv.

It was parties a-go-go in Summer Bay in that episode. Mr. JP was 50 and having a posh pizza dinner in Angelo’s with every local over 30. Gina was looking lovely. Harvey gatecrashed, Sid scowled, Leah moped, Miles drank and Romeo and Indi (under 30 but there anyway) crept off to consummate their marriage once again.

The under-30s were in the caravan park, where Dexter and April discovered Sasha’s nudie photos. It’s ok, she says everyone is doing it. Casey thought Ruby was with Xave, when in fact she was only trying to catch his eye. Anyway, they are friends again and she is going to wait for him if he has to do a few long months of juvie. I hope she can stick to that promise, she’s never without a man for long.

Indi was heading out and when Romeo asked where, she said “dinner with a girlfriend”. What girlfriend, Indi? How come Romeo doesn’t know her?

Sasha and Roo are friends again after the date understanding. Romeo and Sid are drinking buddies now. They both think Harvey’s the root of their problems.

April and Xave headed up a protest at the school in an effort to stop the bulldozers. The cops had to step in. They were new cops, not Charlie, or Watson, or even Fitzy. But the demolition was put off by a day. A small victory.

Ah, those Summer Bay folk are mad. Sid has a few drinks and falls asleep on the couch, and it’s a SITUATION! They wouldn’t be able to cope round our way.

Sid found out he has a new daughter, borne of an old flame who has since died. It looks like he’ll have to take on Sasha, and her little brother, too.

Indi and Romeo are broke. She wants to move back in with Sid.

Miles has moved in with Leah. They were quick to christen the bedroom.

Miles and Leah had a blue as she didn’t realise he was still on anti-depressants. I forgot that myself; I’m surprised the writers remembered. Anyway they’re friends again now and he’s going to propose. Yahoo for Summer Bay weddings. Hope he doesn’t want to call the child Rabbit.

Sid’s ex, Jodi, is back, and…they’re not divorced! Sid forgot to tell Marilyn and Roo. How did he become a doctor? Indi is understandably raging with her ma for nicking her boyfriend. Watch out Romeo.

Jodi is of unspecified origin. How come it was never mentioned that the Walker children are half-foreign?

So Leah is knocked up. This is bad news for her for a number of reasons:

• She will now be super-duper flustered for at least nine months / however long a pregnancy lasts in Summer Bay
• The child will probably be as hungry as its father, which means she’ll be bankrupt before the bub is one
• Veej will no doubt have a mickey fit

Romeo’s boat got trashed, so he went off half-cocked, accusing Harvey,a fellow entrepreneur from a neighbouring berth, of doing it in an attempt to sabotage his business. He even phoned the cops. However, it turned out one of the boys at Elijah’s shelter did the nicking. Cue shame-faced Romeo trying to make it up with Harvey. Too late, Smith, for Harvey already reported the Blaxland for not having a mooring licence. But surely Alf can use his influence with the council to get one? No?

Sid and Roo and Indi and Dexter are all best buds now, after doing a bit of farm maintenance. Except this happy family to be rocked by the arrival of Sid’s ex, who Dex invited over.