Hurray, Home and Away madness is back!  Today’s episode started with the ominous title “Six months ago”, and a shady figure having a great oul’ laugh at Alf on that documentary where he laments the hoons who’ve ruined his town.  Fast forward to the present day and there’s a strange new character at the diner chatting up Irene.  Strewth.  He seems to be a new love interest for Nicole (at least those are her intentions) but I bet he’s going to CHANGE THE BAY FOREVER.

That aside, there’s a “sexy” love triangle going on between Gina, John and Jill.  Very alliterative.  Jill wants John, John wants Gina but will make do with Jill, and Gina’s not sure if she wants John, but she definitely doesn’t want Jill to have him.  Romeo’s on Gina’s side, apparently she’s like a mother to him.  Phew.

Apparently John Palmer is drop dead gorgeous, according to Jill anyway.  But that whole hiding in the bedroom from Gina story is pretty boring.  No doubt there will be confusion and rows when Jill gets discovered.

Hugo nearly got his entire family killed but Rachel seems to be the only one who give a damn about it.  The rest of them aren’t too bothered at all despite the fact they were nearly drowned and shot by the guy with the shotgun and a confused accent.  Thankfully, Tony ambushed him with a rock from behind after Hugo ran him over.  Now he’s banged up in the YCPD station and is looking at some hard time plus 1000 questions from Angelo.

I don’t know how Angelo is going to fit in time for a relationship with Charlie.  He’s far too obsessed with Hugo to leave room for a girlfriend, even if she is one who likes doing her ironing in her silver underwear.

What is the story with the kidnapper’s accent? Where is he supposed to be from? Is he Irish, welsh or Australian?  His powers of persuasion were impressive, Gina got in to the car with him without batting an eyelid.  Yet again, Hugo has got his family in big trouble. He’s a walking disaster zone.

Well Hugo is back big-stylee now.  Martha took him straight back into her arms without a word about his people-smuggling.  At least Gina gave him a dressing-down for being a massive criminal.

The Austins are surprisingly adept at fobbing off the bobbies.  Love how Xavier said “It’s the cops” when Angelo and Charlie came to the door, as if he’d never met them before.   Anyway Gina cranked up her headmistress skills and YCPD were slinking out with their tails between their legs.

Gina was nice to Miles, though, even if she was delivering the bad news that he might not get his job back at the school.  Bet he doesn’t think Rabbit was so deadly now.

Apparently Aden has left.  I totally missed that; I must have been making a cup of tea or something.  The exits are very swift these days.  Nicole is totally over it though, Liam Murphy sorted her out with some bonza advice.  By the by, they now have a ping-pong table in the caravan park.  Bounce.

Well flip me, Miles is telling all and sundry about Rabbit now.  Gina confronted him and he was all “yeah, I talk to imaginary people, DEAL WITH IT”.  Bleedin’ double mentaller.

What else?  Oh yes, Aden dobbed himself in re: burying and unburying the da.  He’s saying Dumbro had nothing to do with it though.  Snooooooooooze.

Oh, Colleen is on rare oul’ form these days; in that episode she was giving out yards about the “graffiti bandits” aka Mad Miles terrorising the caravan park, and ensuring she is living in a “psychedelic nightmare”.  I think they’ve assigned Robert Robertson’s scriptwriter to her.

Xavier told Ruby about the cash he’s sitting on.  How did he keep it for this long?  He’s lucky Mink didn’t run off with it, or Romeo didn’t tell Annie.  Anyway, now that Ruby knows, it’s only a matter of time before Charlie aka the cops find out.  He should just buy a flash car and be done with it.

Tony, in a stupid move, has started to teach Xavier boxing.  Gina has already expressed extreme disgust for the sport.  Duh, Tony.  Don’t cross the headmistress.  Everyone knows that.

So, Gina got herself a new boyfriend in the shape of John Palmer.  No sooner did he drop her home than they were at it.  Poor Xavier saw the aftermath.  That fella’s going to have a breakdown.

Annie and Romeo got the lead roles in Romeo and Juliet, but, “hilariously”, she’s playing the boy and he the girl.  This’ll be gas.

Tony wants to start a boxing club at the school.  Gina says no.  I think Elijah should teach them all ninja.

Gina fairly bulldozed through Mink’s tough defences when she called around for a chat.  Gina’s been through the mill herself, you see, when her husband left her to raise her sons alone.  And Gawd knows those three were a handful.  So she knows a pretence when she sees one.  Perhaps we should be calling her the new Pippa?

Building on the bonza idea that Drew’s Shrew had about a cross-over Home and Away/Heroes show, commenter Sorry for being a crazy dingo has given us a deadly list of Home and Away character super-powers:

1. ALF – grows gills when he jumps in the water and swims underwater, like a fish which is kind of ironic.
2. COLLEEN – able to speak any language at will and talk to animals, that means she can gossip with anyone or anything.
3. MILES – the ability to eat food without ever getting full. (Sounds like a crappy superpower, but in later seasons he will discover he has a psychic conscience named Rabbit).
4. NICOLE – the ability to attract any person at will with her beauty.
5. JAI – the ability to be invincible.
6. IRENE – the ability to attract troubled children into her lair.
7. ANGELO – the ability to cause amnesia to others (everyone, including Martha, seems to have forgiven him for killing Jack and covering up the murder).
8. CHARLIE – the ability to change sexuality at will.
9. RUBY – the ability to screech so loud, it causes one’s ears to bleed.
10. GINA – the ability to convince people that she’s actually Tony’s sister and not his grandmother.
11. XAVIER – the same ability as Ruby.
12. MARTHA – the ability to never grieve and be constantly sexually promiscuous.
13. LIAM – the ability to be completely forgotten about only few months after being an Australian megastar.
14. ADEN – the same ability as Martha.
15. LEAH – the ability to be as sexy as Penelope Cruz but no-one in town appearing to notice.mink
16. RACHEL – the ability to heal, in all areas of medicine.
17. TONY – the ability of super strength.
18. ROMEO – the ability to to…eh…surf…REALLY REALLY WELL. (That one sucked).
19. MINK – the ability to stare at someone and kill them. What a bad ass!
20. VJ – the ability to shoot water bombs from his hands.
21. MORAG – the ability to be the best lawyer ever.
22. RABBIT – the ability to rise from the dead, be psychic and make herself invisible to all but Miles.

What do you reckon?  Do you have any others to add?

Good one by Liam there; telling Nicole he loves her will keep her around for another wee while.   Wow, he was so busy in that episode, between his supposed “lessons” and sitting on the couch doing nothing.

Miles is off the hook with the cops but went mental when he saw a picture of Kirsty in the school yearbook.  In fairness, I’d go mental if I had to look at a picture of that moany cow.  Anyway Gina is making him take stress leave.  He’s annoyed by this but I think he should take the opportunity and spend a few days down the Diner eating burgers.  He’s wasting away.