Ah here, Colleen behind bars?  I don’t think I can take it.  It’s like the saddest bits of Prisoner Cell Block H.  He used to give me roses…

And as for Xavier and his moping about John Palmer moving in, EFF OFF!

Home and Away is returning into Chuckie Down Under.  Mr. Oddley rose from the grave that Alf dug for him in the caravan park.  Miles thinks someone is “having a lend of” him.  That is one of my favourite phrases ever.

“Bon voyage you little mongrel” said Alf as he threw Mr. Oddley into Summer Bay’s deep waters.  But the doll submerged through the magic of the washing machine, where Alf found him spinning.

Dr. Sid and Tony are best buds now because Sid stuck up for girl’s boxing in front of Rachel.  Sid better watch out, she’s an annoying enemy to make.

Penn is robbing stuff from the caravan park and roundabouts and framing Colleen. What does he have against her?

Martha and Hugo have left the bay like “Bonnie and Clive” according to Colleen. They went on the run after another near death experience with Hugo involved. This time is was the crook cop Eaves who took a pop at Hugo but only managed to clip him in the leg. Charlie and Angelo managed to apprehend bent Eaves and bring him to justice. Making it a good day for the law in the bay, they also arrested people smuggler Hugo and his enabler Martha. But for some reason, Sergeant Risotto decided to release the pair of them so they could go on the run. Away with them, the single men of the bay will sleep easy with Martha gone.

Colleen calling Marilyn a jezebel and basically telling her to “put them away, love”.

We’re on holidays mi amigos.  Tell us what’s happening down Summer Bay way in the comments below.  My money’s on Colleen taking on John Palmer in the ring.

What a dramatic few days in Summer Bay.  Rabbit helped Miles rescue Leah, Elijah, and a rake of kids from being gassed on their school trip.  Somehow this meant that it was time for Rabbit to leave.  So she headed off with her ma down the beach.  Poor Miles was in bits over it.  There was no explanation of Rabbit’s psychic powers though.  I think we should put this in the Alf-as-aborigine box and accept we’ll never know the answer.

Nicole, being egged on by Justin, broke up with Aden as he wouldn’t say he loved her.  So he went off into the wide blue yonder with Justin.  No doubt he’ll join the army too.

Hugo’s back.  Martha decided everyone should know that he is in witness protection so she told Xavier and then went down the diner to tell everyone else.  She did it in the same room as Colleen; she must have the memory of a goldfish.  Anyway then Xavier told Ruby, and later met Hugo on a random road in the Bay.  Hugo was sporting some fine stubble and hiding under a hat.  The bad guys will never look there.

Oh, Colleen is on rare oul’ form these days; in that episode she was giving out yards about the “graffiti bandits” aka Mad Miles terrorising the caravan park, and ensuring she is living in a “psychedelic nightmare”.  I think they’ve assigned Robert Robertson’s scriptwriter to her.

Xavier told Ruby about the cash he’s sitting on.  How did he keep it for this long?  He’s lucky Mink didn’t run off with it, or Romeo didn’t tell Annie.  Anyway, now that Ruby knows, it’s only a matter of time before Charlie aka the cops find out.  He should just buy a flash car and be done with it.

Tony, in a stupid move, has started to teach Xavier boxing.  Gina has already expressed extreme disgust for the sport.  Duh, Tony.  Don’t cross the headmistress.  Everyone knows that.

Poor Elijah got an earful from Colleen when he visited the Diner.  She decided to ask his advice about her Marilyn doubts but used aliases to protect the innocent and guilty.  Colleen told him of her friend “Collette” who knew a floozy called “Sharilyn”.  Collette was the only one who wasn’t taken in by Sharilyn.  Collette recognised that she didn’t care whose life she ruined and whose heart she broke.    Elijah suggested Collette ask herself “what would Jesus do?”  Colleen recognised that Jusus was kind to Mary Magdalene but she “had given up her life of debauchery, I doubt that’s the case with Sharilyn”.

Classic Colleen.

Plus, Marilyn was visited by Rabbit in a dream.  Rabbit introduced her to Dead Byron, who didn’t look like Flathead at all.  Rabbit also led Marilyn to Miles, who was mid-graffiti.  How will Marilyn break the news that he’s a nutter?

Marilyn has returned to the bay after 10 years away in Blighty. But who is she and what makes her so popular in the Bay? Here is the lowdown for those fans who don’t remember her from the first time around.

• She ran a beauty parlour out the back of the old diner and gave facials to Madge Wilkins et al.
• Marilyn used to be Morag’s housekeeper. It provided some great comedy as they were the ultimate odd couple. It’ll be interesting to see how they get on the next time Morag turns up in the Bay.
• Marilyn went out with Lance Smart, Colleen’s son. Colleen seems to bear a grudge about their break up.
• Lance, Marilyn and Martin Dibble were in a band together that went national for a brief time. I can’t remember what they were called. Lance got jealous as the press insinuated that Marilyn was going out with Martin, not Lance. This caused the band to split up.
• Donald “Flathead” Fisher married Marilyn in an unlikely liaison. They had a baby called Byron but he sadly passed away. His poor parents were distraught and Marilyn got depressed and fled to London. Irene and Flathead went to look for her. Their method of searching involved touring the city on an open top bus. Preposterous as this may sound, they managed to find her.

It’s good to have her back and I’m sure she’ll provide us with much hilarity. She seems to have ditched her habit of wearing tiny backpacks as handbags.

Yippee, Marilyn is back and she brought a stray with her! It’s Justin Jeffries, Aden’s brother. I wonder if he’ll move into Nicole’s house?

Alf and Irene explained to some of the blow-ins who Marilyn is. Colleen is holding a grudge because Marilyn dumped Lancey – fair enough, he was an amazing catch.

Xavier wants to live with Martha. For some reason he seems to like slavery.