Colleen is SEVENTY-FIVE in real life! SEVENTY-FIVE!

I can’t believe it.

P.S. Spoilers in the linked article.

SPOILER ALERT…

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AVERT YOUR EYES…

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Twitter follower oheag2 alerted us to this sad, sad news; Colleen is leaving H&A. This is dreadful.

I was going to say – who’ll spread the gossip now – but I suppose we have April for that.

In a strange move, the River Boys and the Rockstar held a karaoke night at Angelo’s. Every good singer in the cast did a number. Colleen sang too, but the show went to a break! I bet she sang “Gravel Pit”. One two, one two!

Bianca told April about the pregnancy, April told Heath, Heath asked Bianca if it was his. How pregnant is Bianca? I hope Sid does his inspection soon so we can find out.

SERGEANT Watson is after Xavier and Dexter for the Stu murder. Sasha is looking very worried.

So Roo has decided to join Harvey’s drive to give Summer Bay some daycent parkland. More fool her. John isn’t too impressed, especially since he put 400k into the development, not 100k as previously thought. Gina will have his guts for garters.

To add insult to injury, Casey’s klepto mate robbed John’s car. I bet Klepto was Casey’s prison-husband.

Ruby’s back on the sauce, but Dex is keeping an eye on her. She managed to seduce him with some kind of ape dance. Guess he and April really are over. *sob*

Irene got DVT from sitting on the couch for 3 days. She should have known the SummerBayTimeWarp works on illness too. Colleen came up with some hilarious acronyms for it: IUD, DVD, etc.

Doctor Sid wants to become Flying Doctor Sid. He probably used to watch it on telly, after A Country Practice.

Liam and Bianca are engaged. It must be at least two weeks since she had sex with another man, so fair enough. Good one by Liam taping the ring inside her motorbike helmet. I hope they invite His Royal Highness Vittorio.

Indi found out Romeo gave Mink their savings. She gave him a bollocking, and rightly so. I hope she still has her own bank account.

Romeo gave the weird spy fella info on the new development, which weird spy fella passed onto Harvey. Harvey announced this at a council rally, and everyone was strangely disgusted at what looked like a nice new development to me.

In terrible news, Miles is leaving. Sally got him a teaching job in Thailand, the wench. He can’t take being around Leah anymore. Boooo.

Lastly, I wish Colleen would call to my house with scones. She could nose around all she wanted.

Oh, actually, I forgot that Leah saw Little Brax when Big Brax and Charlie were having night-time boldness in the kitchen. Why don’t either of the lovebirds have their own house?

I’m so excited, I’m gonna live blog this episode, here goes:

Argh, shut up about sport, RTE people!
I forgot about Harvey’s stupid face!
Also forgot about Sid’s declaration of love!
Harvey’s in the “barbecue area”.
Roo is keeping Harvey at bay cos of the doc.
Romeo slacking on his dinner preparations, very slow chopping.
Marilyn’s hair is lovely.
Roo and Marilyn having a girlie chat about boys.
Miles and Veej hanging out on beach.
Colleen driving sick Irene mad.
There’s going to be a surprise fundraiser for Irene.
Harvey putting pressure on Alf re: Blaxland.
“Just because I’m your son, doesn’t mean you can control everything I do”. Veej demands RESPECT.
Miles is very philosophical about the break-up. Veej thinks it’s Leah’s fault.

BREAK

Poor Irene is crying. Awwww. Cancer’s no joke.
Alf says Colleen’s mouth works overtime. He’s not wrong.
Irene is not on for leaving the house.
Alf’s under orders to wear pink for the fundraiser.
“Are you using me to get Dad’s boat”, sez Roo to Harvey.
Veej and Leah rowing. IM NEARLY THIRTEEN.
Marilyn coaxing Irene out of house. Very persuasive.
Roo and Harvey row, Alf kicks him out. IN YER FACE HARVEY
Irene stunned at fundraiser, makes speech.
Palmer in pink cowboy hat.
Roo calls to farm, Romeo can lease Blaxland again, Sid says forget about his declaration of love.
The ladies have wine, cake and biscuits.
Veej getting a bus outta town. I bet he’s going to THE CITY.

…Home and Away is back. So far it has concentrated on the exploits of the Walker men. They are both in recently-formed couples, leaving broken hearts in their wake. I actually like Sid and Roo as a couple, their annoyingness has worn off; perhaps the H&A break did me good.

Colleen is unusually angry about the romantic dalliances of Sid and Dexter. At least Indi has good cause. She and her new husband are having money woes. Surprisingly, a student and a tour operator don’t rake in the dough in Summer Bay.

Well, ol’ Lady Brax is one tough cookie. She is also the opposite of every other ma. Not for her an educated son, no she’d rather have a fella who can fillet a fish. So when Casey decided to go back to school, she saw red and chucked him out. He’s staying over at Law Central aka Charlie’s house. She won’t like that.

Head Brax and Charlie had a strange moment when she called around to check out the domestic disturbance. It was probably supposed to be meaningful and romantic; after all, he was talking about their future children, albeit in a roundabout way. But Charlie just managed to look completely disgusted.

Colleen was hilarious yet again, scripting an article for the Coastal News about how Elijah is an angel from heaven, and should be reinstated at the Church. Luckily for him, he donned his collar again before she had a chance to publish it.

Charlie came to the rescue at the beach, calling an ambulance when Ruby couldn’t. Xavier went back to the hospital and is grand. As someone pointed out the last time he was in, young males in Summer Bay General are not allowed to wear tops. Anyway, Gina and John had to pass up a trip to Hawaii to keep an eye on the surfing champ.

Dex and Kate called it a day, and April copped on that Dex lurves her. Cue loadsa coy, meaningful glances.

Colleen is amazing. She reckons The Man Upstairs has it in for her, after the small electrocution, due to her gossiping ways. Elijah called over and she went mental. Brilliant. I especially like Morag as nursemaid.

So, Xavier and John “rescued” the laydeez from the perils of the bush. Or they had a mudfight and the girls were grand anyway. It was pretty funny when they caked each other in mud.

Liam is trying to get his head sorted. Bianca is finding this hard to take, she wants to wait for Liam but he is having none of that.  In fairness to Ireland’s own, he seems genuine about fixing his addiction issues once and for all, for himself, and not for anyone else.

April seems a bit upset by the whole process. She did her best to get Liam and Bianca back together but it seems like a lost cause.  I really hope that Bianca doesn’t “move on” with Heath Braxton.  Whatever Liam’s problems are, he’s not as much as a drop kick Heath.

Colleen told Keith to hit the road. She’s not happy with her decision, though. He might be back yet. Here he is being scared by nothing: