So, Charlie is dead. Or more correctly, she’s braindead. It never stopped her doing her job before, but Dr. Sid is keen for Ruby to pull the plug. Maybe he’s anxious to have the room free for the next time Xavier gets injured.

Brax and Jake had a fight/chase, which ended in Jake being taken away by the cops. He’s not too clever, old Jake; he’s going straight back into the slammer. Maybe he likes it.

Ruby is coming around to the idea of turning off Charlie’s machines. Brax is not so happy with it. I foresee a massive outburst of rage.

There is one thing that the good Doctor Walker hasn’t tried, though. Why not get all the River Boys around to the hospital and have them take off their tops? If anything could revive a braindead woman, that’d be it.

There’s a new cop. He seems useless. He gave Sid a good talking-to when he was leaving the cells.

Stu’s dad showed up in the hospital. Turns out he is fairly scobey. Not surprising really.

Elijah is doing a LOT of hanging around the Patterson-Bakers. What about his job?

I had suspected that Charlie might go out with a bang but that wasn’t what I was expecting. Who the hell was that? Was it Jake’s brother? Poor Charlie, 2 bullets to the chest, no way she could survive that in the real world . If only there were an amazing surgeon-pediatrician-MD-psychiatrist-nurse-ambo around to perform a life saving operation. Unfortunately for Charlie, the only one of those is banged up for bashing Stew.

Ever since Nicole left town, there’s been an absence of promiscuity. Maybe April is auditioning for the new Nicole. She’s following in a long line of good girls gone bad stretching back to Selina via Martha and Nicole along the way. April was going to do her best to take it to the next level and it didn’t matter who it was with, even her sister’s ex. She and Heath went straight from level zero to all the way. She was thrilled when she woke up next to him the following morning. Seeing him hop out the window made me nostalgic for the glory days of Belle and Aden. Bianca is going to flip when she finds out, that would be a mighty bombshell to blow up on her wedding day.

Liam and Bianca are engaged. It must be at least two weeks since she had sex with another man, so fair enough. Good one by Liam taping the ring inside her motorbike helmet. I hope they invite His Royal Highness Vittorio.

Indi found out Romeo gave Mink their savings. She gave him a bollocking, and rightly so. I hope she still has her own bank account.

Romeo gave the weird spy fella info on the new development, which weird spy fella passed onto Harvey. Harvey announced this at a council rally, and everyone was strangely disgusted at what looked like a nice new development to me.

In terrible news, Miles is leaving. Sally got him a teaching job in Thailand, the wench. He can’t take being around Leah anymore. Boooo.

Lastly, I wish Colleen would call to my house with scones. She could nose around all she wanted.

Oh, actually, I forgot that Leah saw Little Brax when Big Brax and Charlie were having night-time boldness in the kitchen. Why don’t either of the lovebirds have their own house?

Who was the mystery weirdo watching Charlie and Brax having a pash? Wouldn’t it be deadly if it was Alf, and this was a hobby of his?

Anyway would Charlie and Brax ever eff off? She’s a cop and bad at her job. He’s a prior dealie (betcha that’s a word) with ties to his past. I get it, it’s a conflict. Zzzzzzzz

Miles found out about Elijah fancying Leah. He was heartbroken, poor thing. Leah doesn’t know, and has no interest in the Rev. Good woman Leah, he’s turned into a SAP. Miles is going to visit Sally in Thailand, hopefully he meets Cassie and Baby Henk too.

Romeo got yet another job, and immediately asked for an advance. My faith in his business acumen is dwindling by the day.

Sid and Roo are an item again. Turns out she loves paeLLa.

As per usual, I was left wondering what Roo was wearing. Her dress looked like a really poor floor print. Despite yet another fashion faux pas, it didn’t stop her telling Harvey where to get off when he asked her to be his campaign manager. Fair dinkum. She’s determined that Harvey won’t win the council elections but how can she stop him? By getting her dad on board, Alf’s had all he can stand and can’t stand no more, he’s running against Harvey and I’m backing him to win.

Brax suggested that Heath join himself and Charlie in the city. I thought it was a mental idea but Charlie agreed to go along with it. Is Heath not an adult? Surely he can make his own way in life without having Brax babysit him.

How many times was Romeo topless in that episode? Only twice by my count. Minx is causing all kinds of problems between Romeo and Indi. Mink reckons that Indi is stopping Romeo from doing what he really wants to do. Mink borrowed more money from Romeo so that she could compete in a surf comp, unbeknownst to Indi. Her competition revealed the truth to Romeo, Mink’s lost her bottle, she’s losing competitions all over the place and turning up drunk. Poor thick Romeo, Mink has him wrapped around her little finger.

Leah and Miles are no more. Both of them are pretty sad about it. Elijah is ALREADY sniffing around Leah, so Marilyn warned him off.

Marilyn also advised Dexter to apologise to April. He did so while wearing the worst suit of all time. Not only that, but April told him to get bent. She’s still annoyed with him, so she’s devised a plan to seduce some randomer at the formal. She confided in Ruby, who, unsurprisingly, thought it was a great idea.

Bianca is trying to keep Liam away from Brax, as the Rock Star still doesn’t know the truth about the accident. She won’t have to worry for too much longer, as Charlie and Brax are conspiring to leave town. Brax can’t stay around and resist The Boys.

Hahaha did yis see Roo frolicking down the beach in her red tent/dress? What a pity it was Harvey waiting for her on the beach. Why doesn’t he go on a long, long charter and leave everyone in peace?

Mr. JP was struck off the council, and wants to spend his life savings on the development. Gina rightfully made a disapproving face. Harvey reckons he can win John’s old seat.

Charlie and Brax are living it up, going to the beach during the day, etc. How is Charlie paying rent if she’s not working?

Miles found out Leah is back in town. He confronted her about her lies. He should have confronted her about being a moany oul bag while he was at it. Future babies seems to be the crux of the issue, and neither of them are backing down.

Xavier is heading off on a European tour thanks to generous John deciding that he’s willing to sell the V8.  So all Xavier needs to do is find a buyer for the car. Xav revealed that his target market is a “toolie”. What’s that you might ask, well I’m afraid I can’t tell you.  I listened back to Xavier’s definition of a toolie three times but still couldn’t understand what he said.

Sasha finally got sense and dumped Stew. While she did like him she got sick of his psycho behaviour. Her relationship motto seems to be “less bash, more pash”. Stew, being the local mentalist, didn’t take too well to his new found single status and claimed that he would hurt himself if she dumped him. He promptly jumped into the V8, which Xavier had left with keys in it, and drove off in a rage.  That won’t end well.

Brax has left the River Boys apparently. Heath offered him the chance to sell drugs to the schoolies but he was having none of it as he’s on the straight and narrow now.  Charlie was impressed with him leaving his gang behind and took him back, yet again. Charlie says she wants to head to the city with Ruby, maybe Brax will go with them?  Charlie and Brax could set up a a business doing consultancy work for criminals, helping them to pervert the course of justice.

I’m surprised to see that nobody bothered cleaning Liam’s face while he was in a coma, it’s still covered in red crap, maybe some old jam? Bianca doesn’t seem to have noticed despite spending all day every day by his bedside.

April reckons her sister’s rediscovered her love for Liam, is it guilt or something more? April was unimpressed when she found out Bianca slept with Heath yet again. Maybe she’ll move in there now Bianca has moved on.

When Heath called over later, Bianca gave him the heave-ho, “don’t come around here no more”, she said. Heath decided to get his own back by getting locked and sleeping rough on the beach. That’ll show her.

Leah told Charlie that VJ had run away, her response, “that isn’t good”. Brilliant. She’s a genius. There’s a manhunt for Veej underway. He phoned Miles to say he can look after himself. Maybe he’ll head to the bush and be the new Crocodile Dundee.

Constable Watson suspects that Charlie is back on the Brax. Who’ll win that battle of wits? Watson is wiley and Charlie is pretty dim, I expect the cop to cop-on to the ex-cop’s cock-up.

Liam’s in the hospital after colliding with Brax and Charlie’s cahhhh. I hope nothing happens to Xavier before the rockstar recovers, there’ll be no bed for him.

Heath and Bianca covered for Chax. Bianca is overly distraught, considering she and Liam are no longer an item.

Sid convinced Alf to hold off on the boat sale. Harvey is very anxious to close the deal. He called around to Romeo to give him a bollocking. Indi overheard and was shocked at Harvey’s extreme knobishness.

Sam admitted to driving the apple core getaway car, meaning Brax is off the hook. Charlie still resigned though. Boss Joyce was confused as to why.

Sid made a house call to Irene, who seems to have lost her hair overnight. That’s the end of her lovely new do! Roo called around and ad a blue with Sid, who ended up telling her Harvey is a fool and he still loves her. Awwww.

Home and Away is off the air now, until JANUARY 16th! How on earth will we manage?