Mercy me, but Heathcliff Braxton is at his most entertaining when he’s in a rage. The eyes glaze over. The jaw stiffens. The fists clench.

Heath thinks Brax paid Connie off to take Darcy far, far away from her dad. Unlikely. So, the middle brother stalked straight down the beach to deliver a Braxton box to his brother’s face. Classic Heath rage.

Brax is determined to find out what happened. He quizzed Kyle all about it, but managed to miss the crucial detail; Ricky told Kyle not to mention money around Brax. Kyle STILL didn’t cop on, and called Ricky to the diner to see what she thought had happened. JAYSUS.

By the way, money seems to mean nothing to the Braxtons; 100 grand goes missing and they don’t seem too put out. Posh gets.

Indi had to let Chris down easy as he was getting too attached. She found out due to some mega-snooping by Roo. Another JAYSUS.

Irene is heading off to the city for a cancer check-up. Good storyline continuation there, in fairness. She managed to martyr herself before she left by suggesting that Heath should move in for a while. She just can’t help herself.

Romeo should’ve been a holiday planner, instead of a gym bunny. He took Indi off for the weekend to some beautiful tent by the sea, where they gazed into each other’s eyes and re-affirmed their love. It was the perfect place to tell her that he’s sick, wasn’t it?

NO! Mr. Smith is still dragging his heels on the old sharing-your-life-with-your-wife front. But it’s imminent. He has to tell her soon.

Liam Murphy is leaving the Bay in tomorrow’s episode, a suitably low-key farewell for a character that’s run out of steam. He’s tried every job in the Bay, and there’s nothing left for him to do.

Kyle and Heath are planning an engagement party for Beeyonka. No-one can go, and it’s going to be a disaster.

No-one, that is, except Nosey Natalie and her Braxton fixation. Her fella practically begged her to go along and support Bianca. He said he’d stay at home, LIKE A SAP.

Spencer’s brother has arrived, looking very shifty. He told Spence that Mammy Spence really misses him. It sounds like Daddy Spence is a total dickhead. I hope  they all move to the Bay.

Maddie was still wearing the VMD (very mad dress). Is she trying to out-Roo Roo?

Mr. Smith has the oul’ caaaanca, but he won’t tell his wife. Well, she’ll deduce it soon enough from his withdrawn ways, and if she doesn’t, her dear daddio will let it slip. I only hope Romeo doesn’t tell Heath, who then tells Indi, as that would be a disaster of Home and Away proportions.

What a diagnosis though! Sid seems to be giving him a little hope with the promise of new treatments, but Romeo is riddled with it.

Gina and John told Jett they wanted to adopt him. Jett, the wee dote, went mad, saying he wasn’t good enough. He gave Gina a good dig by saying her sons wouldn’t like it. I’d say Gina thought, “who?”.

Sasha was so amazing and by-the-book in her petitioning for equal-rights uniforms that Gina is going to back her cause with the PNC. Sasha was delighted with this, but had no friends to tell, since she dissed Rosie. Bad move, Sash.

The gym had a very successful launch, and Romeo and Indi decided to christen it, by taking it to the next level there and then. They were interrupted by Sid, however. Scarleh for them. Crucially, Romeo also started complaining of a pain in his shoulder. “Come on down the hospital, Romeo, mate”, arsa Sid.

Once down the hospo, Sid said the damage was just muscular. Deadly, thought Romeo. Later that evening, though, Sid informed Romeo that the radiologist spied something on his x-ray and that he better get it checked out. Uh-oh, radiologist? Here be a cancer storyline?

Who was the last person in the Bay to have cancer? I was going to say Belle, but of course Irene had a run-in with the Big C lately. Boo cancer.

Casey has an opportunity to avoid going back to jail, if he’ll just tell The Super who stabbed him. Young Braxton doesn’t want to leave Jamie in an even worse position though. No-0ne else can understand this.

Maddie had a strop with Roo, out of the blue. Then she returned her violin to Alf. Cop on, girlie.

Well, Bianca grew a baby bump overnight, decided to leave town, Liam quit his job, and Heath felt the baby kick. How many times has Liam caught Bianca and Heath together? He got mad and basically admitted he doesn’t want the baby. In fairness, who wants to raise a River Baby? They’d be permanently topless, and always causing fights. Your house and head would be wrecked.

Bianca and April are sly hos. Bianca ran straight to Irene when she was upset, but when Irene had cancer, she basically ignored her. April had no interest in Dex till he found a new buddy. HOS.

P.S. How come Bianca never speaks Italian anymore?

P.P.S. Liam Murphy has some neck telling Leah to clear out of her own house for the evening.