After bursting into Bianca’s class with this great idea, Heath got Darcy’s Granny around to show off how mature he has become. She couldn’t believe he’s going to counselling. When she was leaving, I thought to myself “River Granny’s a bit shook there”.

Next thing Heath knew, Granny Connie had whisked Darcy away, “inter-state”. Uh-oh.

Tamara stuck her nose into the Rosie storyline, and wanted to give Mullens a bollocking. Kyle stopped her, then approached Mullens himself, with a very, very, River Boy, “Oi”. Kyle is as strange as Casey when he’s trying to be threatening, except he’s all lower teeth instead of eyes.

Speaking of eyes, Casey’s are going to full-on burst out of his head when he finds out that Kyle kissed Tamara. And that, despite her initial panic, she liked being the jam in a River Boy sandwich.

Something’s gone awry with Jett’s adoption. Of course it has, that crowd were far too happy.

Sid had his collar way up, a la Ross O’Carroll-Kelly.

Ricky and Brax were in the diner when when Natalie and Zac arrived in and it was all a bit awkward. Brax and Nat are definitely getting back together at some stage but he’s having fun with Ricky at the moment. They slept together again but she’s keeping it very casual for now.

Heath is making progress in his counselling and apologised to Connie which means he can see Darcy again. Bianca met Ricky and thought she and Brax were perfect for each other, don’t know how she made her mind up on that after a 30 second conversation. Bianca then decided to bake a cake as Darcy and Heath were coming over but it was a disaster. Is she ever going to move out of Irene’s house? Connie changed her mind about letting Heath see Darcy but he managed to keep his temper, he not the Hulk anymore.

Mullins is back at school and confronted Rosie and Sasha. Gina intervened and separated them but told Sasha to keep her distance from Mullins and not lose her temper. The cops showed up at school to talk to Rosie, Mullins is a free man as the cops didn’t believe Rosie’s story. He confronted the girls in the corridor again and Sasha bashed him in the mouth, so she’s suspended now.

Romeo, in an unbelievably selfish move, left the Bay with Liam Murphy. He said goodbye to Indi in a letter, but neglected to mention that he had cancer. So, she was totally bamboozled. Sid was caught in the middle, and eventually told his daughter the truth. Good acting, poor Indi.

Ricky and Cheryl were stirring things up ’round the Braxtons, mentioning Adam to Bianca, and slagging off Kyle.

Brax gave Kyle a great lecture, about not letting Casey down. He’s a good man for a telling-off. So, Kyle apologised to Casey.

Heath, in an extremely unusual move, gave his ma a lecture over being a wagon to Bianca. It was Braxton Bollocking day.

We reckon Ricky is on a revenge mission to the Bay.

Romeo should’ve been a holiday planner, instead of a gym bunny. He took Indi off for the weekend to some beautiful tent by the sea, where they gazed into each other’s eyes and re-affirmed their love. It was the perfect place to tell her that he’s sick, wasn’t it?

NO! Mr. Smith is still dragging his heels on the old sharing-your-life-with-your-wife front. But it’s imminent. He has to tell her soon.

Liam Murphy is leaving the Bay in tomorrow’s episode, a suitably low-key farewell for a character that’s run out of steam. He’s tried every job in the Bay, and there’s nothing left for him to do.

Kyle and Heath are planning an engagement party for Beeyonka. No-one can go, and it’s going to be a disaster.

No-one, that is, except Nosey Natalie and her Braxton fixation. Her fella practically begged her to go along and support Bianca. He said he’d stay at home, LIKE A SAP.

Spencer’s brother has arrived, looking very shifty. He told Spence that Mammy Spence really misses him. It sounds like Daddy Spence is a total dickhead. I hope  they all move to the Bay.

Maddie was still wearing the VMD (very mad dress). Is she trying to out-Roo Roo?

Romeo is hastening his own death by quitting chemo. His reason for this suicidal course of action is because he’s trying to hide his condition from his wife and this will be harder to do if he’s suffering the effects of life-saving treatment. He’s worried what effect telling her the truth will have on her, making him losing his own life a small price to pay. He has a history of stupid moves, failing his HSE on purpose, but this takes the biscuit, or tim tam.

Dex is back working as a nurse in the hospital but isn’t allowed to deal with the patients so he’s stuck to mopping floors and the like. He doesn’t seem too enamoured with it all. April thinks their break-up is going very well and reckons it’s only a matter of time before they are re-united. She seemed so sure about it that it made me think fate, or the universe, has other ideas.

Heath went to see a counsellor, twice. He only walked out once, which wasn’t bad given his short fuse. Bianca managed him pretty well in this episode, she seems to spend most of her time dealing with the last Heath explosion, it’s like the grenade on his neck has a three minute fuse that keeps getting reset every time it goes off.

The cops showed up after Heath kept Darcy out of school, so Bianca suggested he go to therapy, in order to show Connie he’s a new man and well capable of taking care of his daughter. In the words of Gob Bluth, this is priceless. Imagine Heath in therapy!

Therapist: Mr. Braxton, you are a very angry man.

Heath: I don’t give a stuff.

Therapist: Where do you think this anger is coming from?

Heath: Work it out for yourself, genius.

In other news, I can’t figure Dex and April out at all. They’re together, they’re not together, they’re friends, they’re not friends, it’s ok to study together, it’s not ok to study together ahhhhhh.

April invited some very cool dude to study with her. He thought it was a date. Cringe. Then Dex showed up. Double cringe. It transpired that they are buds from chess club. Triple cringe – for them hahahaahah.

It’s all ok again in the caravan park, after the Next Level Debacle. I reckon Alf will start stoning flamin’ crows if Roo doesn’t stop being so dramatic.

After all that to-and-fro, Bianca and Heath are now engaged. In a mad/nice move, Celia gave Heath her engagement ring, from her marriage that never was. Les sounds like a nice sort.

So, there’s another Home and Away wedding in the works. It’s been 13 months since Bianca’s last big day, and 14 months since she was going to marry the Prince.

When Celia told Alf about her generosity, he told her her work was done, and to pack her bags. Strange logic, but it seemed to work. Celia is off into the wide blue yonder again. Shame, they could do with a older lady for comic relief. Yoo-hoo, only me!

Sasha is becoming fast friends with Maddie and Spence, and Rosie doesn’t like it one bit. The poor child is gone daft with loneliness. So she tried to fake-drown herself in the sea, in order to get Sasha’s attention. I found myself shouting “would ye just float” at the telly. I’d say they were only a few feet into the ocean.

Poor Sasha too, she always attracts the nutters. Maybe she’ll have to “accidentally” kill Rosie too.*

Real-life Sasha and Rosie are on Twitter, see our H&A twitter list here.

* Only messing, Sasha, old chum.

Heath told Bianca she was doing his head in, because she had a mickeyfit when he proposed. You and me both, Heath old boy.

Heath is so easily led, though, that he’ll soon come around to Bianca’s way of thinking. It only took Celia 10 minutes to brainwash him. He’s so angry and simple.

There’s no room for April in Irene’s; she’ll have to head off into the wide blue yonder and become a doctor. You can’t really stay in the Bay once you go to Uni. Indi manages it, but she barely goes, she’s far too busy working in the diner Angelo’s. Dani had a few Uni scenes, but took off shortly afterwards. Countless others have just disappeared into the arms of education.

Roo is being extra-extra weird around Maddie and Spencer. What’s it all about, Harvey?

Do you think we will ever see Lottie again? Maybe she died of those measles/chickenpox.

Heath got a grenade on his neck because he liked blowing stuff up as a child. That’s amazing. Celia is unimpressed with his body art and doesn’t think Bianca should be going out with him. She decided to stick her nose in and tell them how to live their lives, I’m surprised he didn’t stitch her a head butt, instead it made him pluck up the courage to propose to Bianca.

Jett is still having bullying issues with Tilda. Gina got Sasha to talk to the boy but he feels he deserves the bullying for his past ways, low self esteem issues.

Sasha’s mate Rosie is getting very clingy, in a stalker way. She’s possessive and jealous, I can’t see that friendship ending well. She bought Sasha a friendship bracelet, which reminded me of Joey’s “bestest buds” bracelets in Friends.

Roo and Harvey are vying for supremacy with Spencer’s dad. He is trying to control his son’s life but the kids are having none of it. Roo and Harvey are taking them in so they can stay in the Bay and start new lives in the caravan park. Spencer told his Da to shove it, and he slinked off with a massive puss on his face. Serves him right, the tool.

It seems that as soon as Maddie and Spencer settled into Summer Bay, they decided to go home. What was that storyline all about then? Did it awaken some maternal instinct in Roo?

Heath is the funniest thing in Home and Away at the moment. He just copped on that his casual dealer lifestyle might not be ideal for a little girl. For once, he is blaming himself, instead of Sid (it’s always Sid), or Bianca.

Casey went back to school, but NOT TO DO HIS HSC. He wants to be a janitor. You’ve a criminal record, sez Gina. Maybe someday I’ll do my HSC, sez Casey. Hahahaahahahaha yeah right.