What a mad episode.  Marilyn introduced her ventriloquist’s dummy, Mr. Oddley, to Alf, who had a flashback to when he was five and a puppet scared the bejaysus out of him.  Young Alf said “strike me roan” and ran into the arms of his father, who happened to be the mirror image of current Alf.  Also, Morag was a little ginger girl who was dressed as a witch – very subtle, Home and Away scriptwriters!

Angelo took a settlement outside of court and as a consequence, he’ll never work as a cop again.  He’ll just be Mr. Risotto from now on.  Serves him right anyway, for letting a known criminal escape.  To mark the occasion, he got locked, lit a bonfire on the beach, and burned his uniform.  He also burned his underwear for some reason.  Was he wearing police underwear?

Martha and Hugo have left the bay like “Bonnie and Clive” according to Colleen. They went on the run after another near death experience with Hugo involved. This time is was the crook cop Eaves who took a pop at Hugo but only managed to clip him in the leg. Charlie and Angelo managed to apprehend bent Eaves and bring him to justice. Making it a good day for the law in the bay, they also arrested people smuggler Hugo and his enabler Martha. But for some reason, Sergeant Risotto decided to release the pair of them so they could go on the run. Away with them, the single men of the bay will sleep easy with Martha gone.

Well Hugo is back big-stylee now.  Martha took him straight back into her arms without a word about his people-smuggling.  At least Gina gave him a dressing-down for being a massive criminal.

The Austins are surprisingly adept at fobbing off the bobbies.  Love how Xavier said “It’s the cops” when Angelo and Charlie came to the door, as if he’d never met them before.   Anyway Gina cranked up her headmistress skills and YCPD were slinking out with their tails between their legs.

Gina was nice to Miles, though, even if she was delivering the bad news that he might not get his job back at the school.  Bet he doesn’t think Rabbit was so deadly now.

Apparently Aden has left.  I totally missed that; I must have been making a cup of tea or something.  The exits are very swift these days.  Nicole is totally over it though, Liam Murphy sorted her out with some bonza advice.  By the by, they now have a ping-pong table in the caravan park.  Bounce.

Annie and Romeo are now officially in love.  The oul light-a-few-candles-and-set-up-a-discoball trick worked.  They’re love’s young dream.

Ruby has a new love interest herself. Mega-rocker Liam Murphy is giving her singing lessons, and he’s fairly hands-on.  Of course he doesn’t know what he’s getting himself into, but he mightn’t mind too much.  We haven’t seen an illicit love affair in ages (Leah and Elijah doesn’t count).

Martha has recently remembered that Hugo is “dead” and her family are concerned for her state of mind.  Alf told Angelo he wanted to tell all, but Serge Risotto convined him to keep schtum.  Then the crafty copper went round to Martha’s with a pizza and the world’s strongest wine – the pair of them were locked after half a bottle.  Oops.  Meanwhile, Hugo hasn’t checked in with witness protection and is living in a dungeon somewhere with only Martha’s photo for company.  No good can come of this.

Well, blow me!  I nearly fell off my chair.  Martha came up with and carried out a cunning plan, all on her ownio.  She went to supercop Charlie under the pretence of trying to find out if she should return the engagement ring procured with Hugo’s ill-gotten gains.  However, the canny lass was actually checking whether it was ok to keep Hugo’s secret riches, which currently belong to Xavier.

Meanwhile, across town (and a bit later), Angelo was spying on Charlie, who was visiting her counsellor.  He fell out of a tree as a consequence.  What larks!

Leah is becoming the Bay’s own Karate Kid with her martial arts classes.  Rev Elijah is teaching her some nifty moves and her confidence has returned.  She’ll be dealing out bashings left right and centre in no time.  I predict that she’ll enter the illegal fight club that Ric got messed up in and kick ass.  After that she’ll claim the Ultimate Fighting Champion crown.  The racist hoons who smashed up the Diner will want to watch themselves when Leah gets on their case.

How come nobody bar Geoff has seen any of them since the riot?  You’d think they’d be easily recognised in a small town like SB. Yet again YCPD are doing sterling work in tracking down those involved and bringing them to justice.  Angelo and Charlie are busier breaking up/making up than solving crimes.  Worst police force ever.

Building on the bonza idea that Drew’s Shrew had about a cross-over Home and Away/Heroes show, commenter Sorry for being a crazy dingo has given us a deadly list of Home and Away character super-powers:

1. ALF – grows gills when he jumps in the water and swims underwater, like a fish which is kind of ironic.
2. COLLEEN – able to speak any language at will and talk to animals, that means she can gossip with anyone or anything.
3. MILES – the ability to eat food without ever getting full. (Sounds like a crappy superpower, but in later seasons he will discover he has a psychic conscience named Rabbit).
4. NICOLE – the ability to attract any person at will with her beauty.
5. JAI – the ability to be invincible.
6. IRENE – the ability to attract troubled children into her lair.
7. ANGELO – the ability to cause amnesia to others (everyone, including Martha, seems to have forgiven him for killing Jack and covering up the murder).
8. CHARLIE – the ability to change sexuality at will.
9. RUBY – the ability to screech so loud, it causes one’s ears to bleed.
10. GINA – the ability to convince people that she’s actually Tony’s sister and not his grandmother.
11. XAVIER – the same ability as Ruby.
12. MARTHA – the ability to never grieve and be constantly sexually promiscuous.
13. LIAM – the ability to be completely forgotten about only few months after being an Australian megastar.
14. ADEN – the same ability as Martha.
15. LEAH – the ability to be as sexy as Penelope Cruz but no-one in town appearing to notice.mink
16. RACHEL – the ability to heal, in all areas of medicine.
17. TONY – the ability of super strength.
18. ROMEO – the ability to to…eh…surf…REALLY REALLY WELL. (That one sucked).
19. MINK – the ability to stare at someone and kill them. What a bad ass!
20. VJ – the ability to shoot water bombs from his hands.
21. MORAG – the ability to be the best lawyer ever.
22. RABBIT – the ability to rise from the dead, be psychic and make herself invisible to all but Miles.

What do you reckon?  Do you have any others to add?

Did you see the face on Charlie when Angelo was promoted above her?  So disgusted.  At least they discussed it and now it’s sorted (boss).

I never thought I’d say this, but Alf is being really annoying with his constant threats to leave the Bay.  Just go, so.  Himself and Angelo became great mates within the space of a day, downing tinnies in the Caravan Park of an evening.

Why did Geoff take advice from Martha, the walking disaster area?  “Get saltwater into the wound”, she said.  Geoff doesn’t get metaphors, so he ripped off his bandages and lepped into the sea.  I wonder what Doctor Armstrong will have to say about that.  Maybe it’s a radical new therapy they use in Summer Bay.

I don’t understand why Alf and Geoff are so traumatised.  Fair enough with Leah as her fella got bashed in front of her very eyes.  But all the two lads were doing was firefighting until the authorities arrived.  Unless they still can’t believe that everyone else sat on the floor and left them to deal with the disaster.  That’d leave a sour taste in my mouth, too.

Strewth mate, who were those hoons who wrecked the diner?  And Hasim?  Alf didn’t seem to recognise them.

Alf’s like Summer Bay’s John McClane*, putting out fires and setting things right.  He’s really disappointed in his town.  I thought he might burn the Aussie flag on the barbie.

Where were Supercops Charlie and Angelo when this was all going on?  How come Ruby didn’t ring them instead of Aussie 999?  She has the direct line, after all.  Anyway the ambos showed up a few hours into the siege.

Also, why did Leah, Colleen, Irene and Ruby just sit in the kitchen while the two gents played Fireman Sam?

Miles’s imaginary friend Rabbit is psychic.  That means Miles is psychic.  I love a good mad storyline in Home and Away.  This is like Sixth Sense or Fight Club.  I hope there’s a montage later where it shows Miles talking to no-one.  All we need now is Aboriginal Alf to show up and we’re laughing.

*That’s him below

Well, Hugo got off in the end, he’s gone to the big people-smuggling depot in the sky.  He was a crap villain anyway.

Angelo survived getting shot in the head, he’s just like that fella, Kurt Cobain.  How did he survive that?*

I do believe Martha said at one point, “I don’t know what’s going on”, which I thought was default mode for her.  She forgave Angelo for shooting Jack anyway.

Bungbung/Bangbang/Bumbum has gone back to his dad now that he has learned English and how to play the guitar.  Those guys are going to go far.  Martha looked pretty sad.  After all, she just lost a farm slave.

So, that’s the end of the mystery.  It was a long time coming and was quite good in the end.  I don’t really think it’s CHANGED SUMMER BAY FOREVER though.

*See Father Ted