Home and Away is returning into Chuckie Down Under.  Mr. Oddley rose from the grave that Alf dug for him in the caravan park.  Miles thinks someone is “having a lend of” him.  That is one of my favourite phrases ever.

“Bon voyage you little mongrel” said Alf as he threw Mr. Oddley into Summer Bay’s deep waters.  But the doll submerged through the magic of the washing machine, where Alf found him spinning.

Dr. Sid and Tony are best buds now because Sid stuck up for girl’s boxing in front of Rachel.  Sid better watch out, she’s an annoying enemy to make.

Penn is robbing stuff from the caravan park and roundabouts and framing Colleen. What does he have against her?

What a mad episode.  Marilyn introduced her ventriloquist’s dummy, Mr. Oddley, to Alf, who had a flashback to when he was five and a puppet scared the bejaysus out of him.  Young Alf said “strike me roan” and ran into the arms of his father, who happened to be the mirror image of current Alf.  Also, Morag was a little ginger girl who was dressed as a witch – very subtle, Home and Away scriptwriters!

Angelo took a settlement outside of court and as a consequence, he’ll never work as a cop again.  He’ll just be Mr. Risotto from now on.  Serves him right anyway, for letting a known criminal escape.  To mark the occasion, he got locked, lit a bonfire on the beach, and burned his uniform.  He also burned his underwear for some reason.  Was he wearing police underwear?

Unbelieveable.  Kate Ritchie introducing the Summer Bay weddings of the past.  We had a pregnant (with Martha?) Roo running out on Frank, Alf and Ailsa slying off to become man and wife, and Angel miraculously rising from her wheelchair to walk down the aisle.  Not to mention Don and Marilyn’s nuptials, and Hayley’s ghost dad giving her away.  Hayley was always seeing ghosts.  Do yis want a lend?

Hurray, Home and Away madness is back!  Today’s episode started with the ominous title “Six months ago”, and a shady figure having a great oul’ laugh at Alf on that documentary where he laments the hoons who’ve ruined his town.  Fast forward to the present day and there’s a strange new character at the diner chatting up Irene.  Strewth.  He seems to be a new love interest for Nicole (at least those are her intentions) but I bet he’s going to CHANGE THE BAY FOREVER.

That aside, there’s a “sexy” love triangle going on between Gina, John and Jill.  Very alliterative.  Jill wants John, John wants Gina but will make do with Jill, and Gina’s not sure if she wants John, but she definitely doesn’t want Jill to have him.  Romeo’s on Gina’s side, apparently she’s like a mother to him.  Phew.

Hmm, not sure what to make of Alf and Marilyn going on a date.  Although, they would be a humorous couple.  Marilyn could get into scrapes and Alf could grumble about “that flamin’ woman”.

Marilyn does like an older man, too.  But it might be a bit weird seeing as Flathead and Alf are best buds.

What about Elijah’s ma?  She’s a proper wagon, and the da is totally henpecked.  Poor Leah.  Sure she’s skin and bone as it is.  Dunno how she managed to give birth to VJ at all.

Edit: I forgot to mention the Hugo storyline, maybe because it’s COMPLETELY BORING.  Anyway there’s a new cop in town, he killed the kidnapper with the weird accent, and now he’s after Hugo. Snoooooooooze.

AKA wasn’t Duncan an awful brat?

What a dramatic few days in Summer Bay.  Rabbit helped Miles rescue Leah, Elijah, and a rake of kids from being gassed on their school trip.  Somehow this meant that it was time for Rabbit to leave.  So she headed off with her ma down the beach.  Poor Miles was in bits over it.  There was no explanation of Rabbit’s psychic powers though.  I think we should put this in the Alf-as-aborigine box and accept we’ll never know the answer.

Nicole, being egged on by Justin, broke up with Aden as he wouldn’t say he loved her.  So he went off into the wide blue yonder with Justin.  No doubt he’ll join the army too.

Hugo’s back.  Martha decided everyone should know that he is in witness protection so she told Xavier and then went down the diner to tell everyone else.  She did it in the same room as Colleen; she must have the memory of a goldfish.  Anyway then Xavier told Ruby, and later met Hugo on a random road in the Bay.  Hugo was sporting some fine stubble and hiding under a hat.  The bad guys will never look there.

“I’m no lawyer love, but it seems to me that Aden’s in a bit of strife”, proclaimed Alf to Nicole when discussing her boyfriend’s upcoming murder charge. He may not have his sister’s law skills but he has her whipped when it comes to understatements.

It was a day of revelations in the Bay. Firstly, we had both Aden and his brother Justin trying to take the wrap for burying the Dad’s body affair. Each one is trying to keep the other one out of it but ultimately they’ll be found out.  Sure lies never last long in the Bay.

Then we had Alf and Angelo get sprung talking about Hugo in front of Martha.  If braindead super sleuth Martha can figure out that you’re keeping secrets then you’re really in trouble.  Hugo’s cover will be blown in no time once Martha finds out the truth.  I hope his witness protection scheme is better than Vinny’s: a farm worker who moonlighted as a teddy bear at children’s parties and died from sceptic wounds, suffered in a farming accident.  You couldn’t make it up.

I don’t really understand why she’s upset about his death again now.  It’s like she forgot about him for a few months then remembered who he was all of a sudden.  Didn’t they break up before he “died” anyway?

Good woman Esther, she’s happy out being in Home and Away.  Sure why would you need a fella when you can hang around with Alf every day?