Bianca’s burgeoning bubble is becoming well known baywide, thanks to Coleen’s inquiring and gossiping.  That woman is incorrigible.

Leah and Ruby had a bit of a cry and a make up coffee in Alf’s house.  Leah reckoned that Ruby is the only one who can help Brax from falling apart at the seams.  She went over to say have a chat with him but he was busy getting it on with a young wan.  Rubes hit the effin roof as she felt he was disrespecting her late ma.

Liam “Ireland’s own” Murphy gave Irene some guitar lessons even though he hates country music.  Good to see he’s being the bigger man.

Where to start? April’s dress, with all of the boobage. RUBY’S HAIR! Alf dancing awesomely. Dexter and Xavier rapping and later scrapping.

Most of all, RUBY’S HAIR. What was the story there? Was it a Pocahontas thing?

Casey’s out of juvie, for good behaviour. He is going to The City with Ruby, despite her hair.

Stu spiked the punch, then slapped Sasha. Sid saw it, YES! And bate lumps out of Stu. FULLY BASHED.

April has been shopping in Luscious lingerie and she also bought some rubber johnnies. Bianca is a bit freaked by the fact that her little sister might be taking things to the next level but Irene told her to take a chill pill. Bianca tried to convince April that her first time should be with someone she loves, while April just wants to get it over with anyone and Xavier will do. Bianca and Liam are heading to the city, but she managed to convince April to hold off on the deflowering for now.

Dex and Dallas are building a nice relationship, especially now that Dex found out herself and her son live in a car. Dex is a sucker for a girl in need, given that he has a heart of gold. He even organised a van for her in the caravan park, fair play. He’ll need her as an object for his affections once he finds out that April is about to take her love to town.

Miles and Elijah had another showdown. Miles is well pissed off with the Rev, but still shook his hand as they said their goodbyes. I’ll miss Miles, he’s been a good addition to the bay, Roo and Alf are going to take over the caravan park. Farewell Milco, Australia’s loss is Thailand’s gain.

Who was the mystery weirdo watching Charlie and Brax having a pash? Wouldn’t it be deadly if it was Alf, and this was a hobby of his?

Anyway would Charlie and Brax ever eff off? She’s a cop and bad at her job. He’s a prior dealie (betcha that’s a word) with ties to his past. I get it, it’s a conflict. Zzzzzzzz

Miles found out about Elijah fancying Leah. He was heartbroken, poor thing. Leah doesn’t know, and has no interest in the Rev. Good woman Leah, he’s turned into a SAP. Miles is going to visit Sally in Thailand, hopefully he meets Cassie and Baby Henk too.

Romeo got yet another job, and immediately asked for an advance. My faith in his business acumen is dwindling by the day.

Sid and Roo are an item again. Turns out she loves paeLLa.

So Doctor Sid discovered that Mink has a disease (which I can’t spell), which means she can’t surf professionally anymore. Romeo very soundly offered to share his surf teaching business with her, but she left town. She’ll be back.

Stew/Stu chased Sasha down when she refused a lift from him. Later she turned up with some torso bruises. Please let Sid batter Stew soon.

Alf is gathering the troops and organising his campaign. A mighty sight.

As per usual, I was left wondering what Roo was wearing. Her dress looked like a really poor floor print. Despite yet another fashion faux pas, it didn’t stop her telling Harvey where to get off when he asked her to be his campaign manager. Fair dinkum. She’s determined that Harvey won’t win the council elections but how can she stop him? By getting her dad on board, Alf’s had all he can stand and can’t stand no more, he’s running against Harvey and I’m backing him to win.

Brax suggested that Heath join himself and Charlie in the city. I thought it was a mental idea but Charlie agreed to go along with it. Is Heath not an adult? Surely he can make his own way in life without having Brax babysit him.

How many times was Romeo topless in that episode? Only twice by my count. Minx is causing all kinds of problems between Romeo and Indi. Mink reckons that Indi is stopping Romeo from doing what he really wants to do. Mink borrowed more money from Romeo so that she could compete in a surf comp, unbeknownst to Indi. Her competition revealed the truth to Romeo, Mink’s lost her bottle, she’s losing competitions all over the place and turning up drunk. Poor thick Romeo, Mink has him wrapped around her little finger.

We have had a number of requests for a group-blog, self-penned Christmas Home and Away episode, so here goes…

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FADE-IN INT. BEACH. THE SHRIMPS ARE ON THE BARBIE (stereotypical much?)

Alf (dressed as Santa): Ho-ho-Hogan’s ghost! What the flamin’ hell’s going on here?

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Em, a nice short start from me there, now it’s over to you…

Liam’s in the hospital after colliding with Brax and Charlie’s cahhhh. I hope nothing happens to Xavier before the rockstar recovers, there’ll be no bed for him.

Heath and Bianca covered for Chax. Bianca is overly distraught, considering she and Liam are no longer an item.

Sid convinced Alf to hold off on the boat sale. Harvey is very anxious to close the deal. He called around to Romeo to give him a bollocking. Indi overheard and was shocked at Harvey’s extreme knobishness.

Sam admitted to driving the apple core getaway car, meaning Brax is off the hook. Charlie still resigned though. Boss Joyce was confused as to why.

Sid made a house call to Irene, who seems to have lost her hair overnight. That’s the end of her lovely new do! Roo called around and ad a blue with Sid, who ended up telling her Harvey is a fool and he still loves her. Awwww.

Home and Away is off the air now, until JANUARY 16th! How on earth will we manage?

This breakup is very difficult for Leah, Miles, Veej, and most importantly, me! I don’t know how much more moping, staring into the distance, talking to everyone but each other about it, crying over the answering machine, and general all-round misery I can take.

Romeo basically told Alf to sell Harvey the boat. I hope it blows up the first time he takes it out on the water, the big weird bastard.

We’ve had some comments that Alf had the best quote of all time in today’s episode, but I can’t remember it – what was it?

Update: I forgot about Charlie’s date with the robbery victim, and it being uncovered that Brax was the getaway driver in said robbery. Good police work by Constable Watson.

Harvey is some boy. He poured petrol on the Blaxland, then “saved the day” when Alf was around, blaming Romeo for the spill. He then offered to buy the boat. Luckily Liam saw Harvey on the boat with the petrol. Grr Harvey is such a weirdo.

Miles and Leah agreed to stay together, were back to normal for about five minutes, then had a row, and Miles moved out. Veej saw it coming. He might be the most sensible person in the Bay.

Indi got an internship with the dude who’s building the new resort. Hope he doesn’t turn out to be a perv.