Miles Copeland hasn’t had it easy since he moved to Summer Bay.  As a down-and-out, he slept on the beach and wrote cryptic messages in the sand in the hopes that his sister would find him.  Naturally, he went from living hand-to-mouth to becoming a teacher at the only school in town, and won the heart of Kirsty Sutherland.  Unfortunately she turned out to be a total wagon.

These days Miles spends his time getting bashed and threatening children.  It looks like Riley’s dad is behind it all.  I hope the YCPD can crack this case.  If not maybe they should bring Robert Robertson back.  Maybe they should just do that anyway.

So, the teenage(-ish) couples of Summer Bay are all talking about sex.  Ruby and Geoff decided they’ll have a go, while in a startling move, Nicole is standing her ground with Liam and refusing him access.  Is that because she’s changed her tune, or because she has her wee eye on Aden?  Ooooh, mucho mysterioso.

Now, where are Martha and Hugo and Suzy and Bungbung?

Martha plumbed new depths yesterday. When Romeo sloped up to her out of the surf and tried to chat her up, she cleverly observed, “you’re not from this town, are you?” How observant.

So Romeo doesn’t appear to fussy. First he tries it on with Martha and then switches his attention to Annie.  What age is he supposed to be? I would have thought there’s about 10 years between Martha and Annie.  Jai is going to have a mickey fit when he finds out his foster brother is cracking onto his ex.

On a more general note, I must admit that I prefer happy go lucky Martha to mopey Martha.  She never ceases to amaze me with her lack of brain power.  How can she be related to Morag?  Chalk and cheese.

I think a mention should go in for the chap who’s playing Brendan, that’s pretty good acting for H&A!

Commenter Áine made a very observant point the other day – what is the story with Jack’s low-cut tops?

Exhibit A screengrabbed from YouTube:

If he had some cleavage to show, I’d understand. But WHY??

Oh Gawd. Irene used to have a quare thirst on her when she first appeared on our screens back in the day. She was alco mother to Finlay and Damien (aka “Mouse” in the Matrix). She was as desperate as a derro waiting outside the bottlo in the arvo. They also had a evil brother called Nathan who went to Jail. Bold. But after a while Irene managed to kick the grog. She moved to the Bay to show Finlay that she was reformed.

She’s fitted into the Summer Bay lifestyle well and saw that it is de rigeur to take in any strays that happen upon your doorstep. Over the years she’s had many a waif live in the beach house like Selina, Tasha, Kane and Kirsty, Chloe, Kim and now Belle, to name but a few. Her door’s always open and all are welcome.

She’s managed to get into quite a few scrapes in her time. She once competed in a country and western singing contest. Her dress was rigged up with lights but the whole thing went on fire and Irene had to take it off. Flamin’ drongos.

She’s also had quite a few fellas along the way. Do you remember Paris, the headmaster? What about Barry Hyde? She seems to have a thing for headmasters. She also went out with Will and Hayley’s dad. He got crushed by a car so that was the end of that.

After Sally, Don and Alf, I think that she is now the longest serving cast member. Sure she loves slaving away in the Diner, getting stressed out with Leah and complaining about Colleen. Long may it continue.

No sooner has someone been framed and arrested in the wrong than Morag appears. With her voluminous cloaks and black lipstick she cuts quite the dash through the diner.  Money never seems to be a problem for her as long as the cause is just.

Morag is Alf and Celia’s sister but is the opposite of the bible bashing Celia. She has been flying in an out of the bay in between presenting the Australian Weakest Link.

She used to live in a mansion in the bay where Marilyn was her housekeeper years ago.  She has sinced moved out of the bay but pops in every now and then.

Her timing can be a bit off sometimes.  She came back to look after Alfred while he was seeing things when he was suffering from a brain haemorage.  Alf thought that Ailsa was back from the dead but she was a bit naughtier this time.  Morag was in Alf’s apartment over the Diner but Ails wasn’t happy.  Alf yelled “Ails, don’t!” but it was too late and Morag was pushed down the stairs by “Ails”.  Morag was helped back to fitness in the miracle factory that is Summer Bar Hospital and continues to represent the citizens of the bay who fall foul of the short and stubby arm of the inept local law.

Check out this fine specimen of manliness.

Alf Stewart is truly a law unto himself. Not only does he have a finger in every pie in town, but he is also front-line support for every crisis. A real, fair dinkum, hero.

When did Martha’s name become Mac? Tasha seems to have changed her name without telling her or anyone else.