Why do we need a new Dexter?  Maybe the producers didn’t like the previous actor who played Dexter.  Fair enough if that’s the case or if he wasn’t available.  But it seems that not only have they given us a new actor, but they’ve also given him a personality transplant.  His mock Attenbourgh nature documentary was pretty annoying.  Sid and Indigo would have been well within their rights to leave him in the bush when their car broke down.  He may not survive too long in the bay in anyways.  Boring or annoying young chaps often get written out pretty quick ala Henry going off to tap dancing school, Jai leaving for Japan and Lucas fecking off to a writing course after Tony shagged his teacher.  I give it six months before Dexter leaves to get a job as a jockey in the Melbourne cup.

…Liam have a girlfriend around his own age?  He’s a handsome rock star.

Marilyn has returned to the bay after 10 years away in Blighty.  But who is she and what makes her so popular in the Bay?  Here is the lowdown for those fans who don’t remember her from the first time around.

• She ran a beauty parlour out the back of the old diner and gave facials to Madge Wilkins et al.
• Marilyn used to be Morag’s housekeeper.  It provided some great comedy as they were the ultimate odd couple.  It’ll be interesting to see how they get on the next time Morag turns up in the Bay.
• Marilyn went out with Lance Smart, Colleen’s son.  Colleen seems to bear a grudge about their break up.
• Lance, Marilyn and Martin Dibble were in a band together that went national for a brief time.  I can’t remember what they were called. Lance got jealous as the press insinuated that Marilyn was going out with Martin, not Lance.  This caused the band to split up.
• Donald “Flathead” Fisher married Marilyn in an unlikely liaison. They had a baby called Byron but he sadly passed away.  His poor parents were distraught and Marilyn got depressed and fled to London. Irene and Flathead went to look for her.  Their method of searching involved touring the city on an open top bus. Preposterous as this may sound, they managed to find her.

It’s good to have her back and I’m sure she’ll provide us with much hilarity.  She seems to have ditched her habit of wearing tiny backpacks as handbags.

Building on the bonza idea that Drew’s Shrew had about a cross-over Home and Away/Heroes show, commenter Sorry for being a crazy dingo has given us a deadly list of Home and Away character super-powers:

1. ALF – grows gills when he jumps in the water and swims underwater, like a fish which is kind of ironic.
2. COLLEEN – able to speak any language at will and talk to animals, that means she can gossip with anyone or anything.
3. MILES – the ability to eat food without ever getting full. (Sounds like a crappy superpower, but in later seasons he will discover he has a psychic conscience named Rabbit).
4. NICOLE – the ability to attract any person at will with her beauty.
5. JAI – the ability to be invincible.
6. IRENE – the ability to attract troubled children into her lair.
7. ANGELO – the ability to cause amnesia to others (everyone, including Martha, seems to have forgiven him for killing Jack and covering up the murder).
8. CHARLIE – the ability to change sexuality at will.
9. RUBY – the ability to screech so loud, it causes one’s ears to bleed.
10. GINA – the ability to convince people that she’s actually Tony’s sister and not his grandmother.
11. XAVIER – the same ability as Ruby.
12. MARTHA – the ability to never grieve and be constantly sexually promiscuous.
13. LIAM – the ability to be completely forgotten about only few months after being an Australian megastar.
14. ADEN – the same ability as Martha.
15. LEAH – the ability to be as sexy as Penelope Cruz but no-one in town appearing to notice.mink
16. RACHEL – the ability to heal, in all areas of medicine.
17. TONY – the ability of super strength.
18. ROMEO – the ability to to…eh…surf…REALLY REALLY WELL. (That one sucked).
19. MINK – the ability to stare at someone and kill them. What a bad ass!
20. VJ – the ability to shoot water bombs from his hands.
21. MORAG – the ability to be the best lawyer ever.
22. RABBIT – the ability to rise from the dead, be psychic and make herself invisible to all but Miles.

What do you reckon?  Do you have any others to add?

Miles Copeland hasn’t had it easy since he moved to Summer Bay.  As a down-and-out, he slept on the beach and wrote cryptic messages in the sand in the hopes that his sister would find him.  Naturally, he went from living hand-to-mouth to becoming a teacher at the only school in town, and won the heart of Kirsty Sutherland.  Unfortunately she turned out to be a total wagon.

These days Miles spends his time getting bashed and threatening children.  It looks like Riley’s dad is behind it all.  I hope the YCPD can crack this case.  If not maybe they should bring Robert Robertson back.  Maybe they should just do that anyway.

So, the teenage(-ish) couples of Summer Bay are all talking about sex.  Ruby and Geoff decided they’ll have a go, while in a startling move, Nicole is standing her ground with Liam and refusing him access.  Is that because she’s changed her tune, or because she has her wee eye on Aden?  Ooooh, mucho mysterioso.

Now, where are Martha and Hugo and Suzy and Bungbung?

Martha plumbed new depths yesterday. When Romeo sloped up to her out of the surf and tried to chat her up, she cleverly observed, “you’re not from this town, are you?” How observant.

So Romeo doesn’t appear to fussy. First he tries it on with Martha and then switches his attention to Annie.  What age is he supposed to be? I would have thought there’s about 10 years between Martha and Annie.  Jai is going to have a mickey fit when he finds out his foster brother is cracking onto his ex.

On a more general note, I must admit that I prefer happy go lucky Martha to mopey Martha.  She never ceases to amaze me with her lack of brain power.  How can she be related to Morag?  Chalk and cheese.

I think a mention should go in for the chap who’s playing Brendan, that’s pretty good acting for H&A!

Commenter Áine made a very observant point the other day – what is the story with Jack’s low-cut tops?

Exhibit A screengrabbed from YouTube:

If he had some cleavage to show, I’d understand. But WHY??

Oh Gawd. Irene used to have a quare thirst on her when she first appeared on our screens back in the day. She was alco mother to Finlay and Damien (aka “Mouse” in the Matrix). She was as desperate as a derro waiting outside the bottlo in the arvo. They also had a evil brother called Nathan who went to Jail. Bold. But after a while Irene managed to kick the grog. She moved to the Bay to show Finlay that she was reformed.

She’s fitted into the Summer Bay lifestyle well and saw that it is de rigeur to take in any strays that happen upon your doorstep. Over the years she’s had many a waif live in the beach house like Selina, Tasha, Kane and Kirsty, Chloe, Kim and now Belle, to name but a few. Her door’s always open and all are welcome.

She’s managed to get into quite a few scrapes in her time. She once competed in a country and western singing contest. Her dress was rigged up with lights but the whole thing went on fire and Irene had to take it off. Flamin’ drongos.

She’s also had quite a few fellas along the way. Do you remember Paris, the headmaster? What about Barry Hyde? She seems to have a thing for headmasters. She also went out with Will and Hayley’s dad. He got crushed by a car so that was the end of that.

After Sally, Don and Alf, I think that she is now the longest serving cast member. Sure she loves slaving away in the Diner, getting stressed out with Leah and complaining about Colleen. Long may it continue.

No sooner has someone been framed and arrested in the wrong than Morag appears. With her voluminous cloaks and black lipstick she cuts quite the dash through the diner.  Money never seems to be a problem for her as long as the cause is just.

Morag is Alf and Celia’s sister but is the opposite of the bible bashing Celia. She has been flying in an out of the bay in between presenting the Australian Weakest Link.

She used to live in a mansion in the bay where Marilyn was her housekeeper years ago.  She has sinced moved out of the bay but pops in every now and then.

Her timing can be a bit off sometimes.  She came back to look after Alfred while he was seeing things when he was suffering from a brain haemorage.  Alf thought that Ailsa was back from the dead but she was a bit naughtier this time.  Morag was in Alf’s apartment over the Diner but Ails wasn’t happy.  Alf yelled “Ails, don’t!” but it was too late and Morag was pushed down the stairs by “Ails”.  Morag was helped back to fitness in the miracle factory that is Summer Bar Hospital and continues to represent the citizens of the bay who fall foul of the short and stubby arm of the inept local law.