Marilyn has returned to the bay after 10 years away in Blighty. But who is she and what makes her so popular in the Bay? Here is the lowdown for those fans who don’t remember her from the first time around.

• She ran a beauty parlour out the back of the old diner and gave facials to Madge Wilkins et al.
• Marilyn used to be Morag’s housekeeper. It provided some great comedy as they were the ultimate odd couple. It’ll be interesting to see how they get on the next time Morag turns up in the Bay.
• Marilyn went out with Lance Smart, Colleen’s son. Colleen seems to bear a grudge about their break up.
• Lance, Marilyn and Martin Dibble were in a band together that went national for a brief time. I can’t remember what they were called. Lance got jealous as the press insinuated that Marilyn was going out with Martin, not Lance. This caused the band to split up.
• Donald “Flathead” Fisher married Marilyn in an unlikely liaison. They had a baby called Byron but he sadly passed away. His poor parents were distraught and Marilyn got depressed and fled to London. Irene and Flathead went to look for her. Their method of searching involved touring the city on an open top bus. Preposterous as this may sound, they managed to find her.

It’s good to have her back and I’m sure she’ll provide us with much hilarity. She seems to have ditched her habit of wearing tiny backpacks as handbags.

Building on the bonza idea that Drew’s Shrew had about a cross-over Home and Away/Heroes show, commenter Sorry for being a crazy dingo has given us a deadly list of Home and Away character super-powers:

1. ALF:  grows gills when he jumps in the water and swims underwater, like a fish which is kind of ironic.
2. COLLEEN:  able to speak any language at will and talk to animals, that means she can gossip with anyone or anything.
3. MILES:  the ability to eat food without ever getting full. (Sounds like a crappy superpower, but in later seasons he will discover he has a psychic conscience named Rabbit).
4. NICOLE:  the ability to attract any person at will with her beauty.
5. JAI:  the ability to be invincible.
6. IRENE: the ability to attract troubled children into her lair.
7. ANGELO: the ability to cause amnesia to others (everyone, including Martha, seems to have forgiven him for killing Jack and covering up the murder).
8. CHARLIE: the ability to change sexuality at will.
9. RUBY: the ability to screech so loud, it causes one’s ears to bleed.
10. GINA: the ability to convince people that she’s actually Tony’s sister and not his grandmother.
11. XAVIER: the same ability as Ruby.
12. MARTHA: the ability to never grieve and be constantly sexually promiscuous.
13. LIAM: the ability to be completely forgotten about only few months after being an Australian megastar.
14. ADEN: the same ability as Martha.
15. LEAH: the ability to be as sexy as Penelope Cruz but no-one in town appearing to notice.
16. RACHEL: the ability to heal, in all areas of medicine.
17. TONY: the ability of super strength.
18. ROMEO: the ability to surf REALLY REALLY WELL. (That one sucked).
19. MINK: the ability to stare at someone and kill them. What a bad ass!
20. VJ: the ability to shoot water bombs from his hands.
21. MORAG: the ability to be the best lawyer ever.
22. RABBIT: the ability to rise from the dead, be psychic and make herself invisible to all but Miles.

What do you reckon? Do you have any others to add?

Have a read of this. Ada, aka Leah, says that Kane is her favourite H&A character of all time.  Why? I think he was one of the biggest tools of all time.  Sure he’s in jail now and won’t be coming back, thankfully.  Anyway, she also says that she like Vinne, who’s currently in True Blood.  He’s fantastic as Jason Stackhouse and I don’t see him leaving that to return to the Bay.

Given that we’ve no new episodes to discuss this week, I thought it was time to delve into the archives again and examine another character from the Bay’s glorious history.

If Rhys had an anger meter it would go up to 11, and rarely drop below 10.  He moved to the bay with his wife Shelly and his family many years ago.  They took over the caravan park.  Rhys looked a bit like a fish and was a pretty wooden character.  I could never figure out why Shelly went out with him.

Rhys and Shelly had 3 daughters: the “twins” Kirsty & Jade and Dani.  Dani was a bit of a moany hole.  She went out with Will Smyth until she realised that he wasn’t the Hollywood star of Independence Day and Men in Black.  She then went out with Josh West who was a tool. Then she was raped by Kane Phillips. Back in those days, they used to say “attack” rather than “rape”. Kirsty found this irresistible and eloped with her sister’s rapist.   All of this drove Rhys off the edge and he had a rage stroke.

Shelly left him to nobody’s great surprise.  But he soon ended up with Beth Hunter, to everyone’s surprise.  She was a living saint and was a good influence on the raging Rhys.  She told him to keep his temper in check or he’d be kicked to the curb.  Alas her wholesome ways weren’t enough for dumb ass Rhys and he left Beth once home wrecker Shelly appeared back on the scene.  I don’t think too many tears were shed in the bay the day he left.  Thankfully, he’s never come back.

I was listening to a football podcast recently and they discussed the similarities between Ailsa and Mark Hughes, the recently sacked manager of Man City. Do you know what, it’s uncanny.

This one features loads of Aden crying and Matilda. I miss Matilda.

Drew crops up at one point. Poor form of him not to turn up at Belle’s funeral, or even get a mention.

This is class. Although whoever made it seems to be a bit confused about what show he’s watching.
Aren’t some of the scenes from Grey’s anatomy?

Cassie was so strange looking. Her make up at the end is a bit of a show.

I can’t believe Flynn is winning the poll to the right! What a drip he was!

Do you remember when Tasha used to be a mermaid? She was like Daryl Hanah in Splash . Young Max found her on the beech in the nip and she hopped into the water and swam off after transforming herself into a half-woman half-cod hybrid. Max wished that Alf still had his bait shop so that he could try to entice Tash with a tasty worm or a fly but alas the shop was closed.

Fortunately for Max(imilian), Tasha sprained her ankle and he was able to catch her on the rocks before she could shape shift. Just as max was about to batter her and apply the tartar sauce, Flynn turned up and brought her to the hospital. Max was pissed off as it meant that he went hungry. They asked her questions in many languages and she started to speak in a nonsense language called pig latin. Irene got through to her somehow and she went to live with her, like all strays do in Summer Bay.

Despite her sometimes crap hair and often terrible acting, Tasha got loads of dramatic storylines . She had a habit of going for naked runs in the bush at nighttime which reminds me of the "nudie Father Jack" scene in Father Ted. She also tried to smother Kane, if only she’d succeeded, and had a handgun which her parents left her. This was later used by "crook kid" Duncan Stewart , to blackmail Tasha, Kim Hyde and Robbie for money.

It was then revealed that Tasha was Angie Russell’s daughter. They reckoned that the resemblance is uncanny. I don’t see it myself.

Tasha started to go out with Summer Bay’s very own inventor, actor and renaissance man, Robbie Hunter . This all went well until Tasha got involved with Mama Rose and the believers. They like a cult down Summer Bay way and this was one of the best storylines in recent years. Tasha moved in with the cult despite the fact that Robbie, Martha, Irene and everyone else in the bay told her not to. It went pear shaped when Tasha became pregnant after Mama Rose drugged her and she was "attacked". Tasha and Robbie eventually left the bay to go and live in America with Josie, Tasha’s aunt. Robbie is now using his inventing skills to head up a NASA team planning a trip to Mars. Tasha has set up her very own cult stateside and now only answers to the name "Flower mamma".

Melissa’s looking hella Hollywood these days. I doubt she’d get on the back of Shane’s motorbike now.