Intrepid reader Saul sent me this.  Isn’t it amazing?
I think my favourite item is the stoned crow.

Who was Rory?

From http://turbomonthly.blogspot.com/

Unbelieveable.  Kate Ritchie introducing the Summer Bay weddings of the past.  We had a pregnant (with Martha?) Roo running out on Frank, Alf and Ailsa slying off to become man and wife, and Angel miraculously rising from her wheelchair to walk down the aisle.  Not to mention Don and Marilyn’s nuptials, and Hayley’s ghost dad giving her away.  Hayley was always seeing ghosts.  Do yis want a lend?

Methodical? Never.

Mysterious? Sometimes.

Misunderstood? Often

Monogamous? Rarely.

Moron? Always.

Martha.  Summer bay is a poorer place without it’s resident wild card. You can say many things about her but life was never dull with her around. It’s hard to know where to start with her.

She arrived in town with a flash when Jack dared her to streak naked along the seafront.  Alf was unimpressed but he had to get used to these kind of shenanigans from his grand daughter.  She later went onto appear in a strip club as a pole dancer which was classic H&A viewing.  She wasn’t slow in showing her assets.

Yes, it was never dull with old Martha.  She was the subject of regular kidnappings, attempted murder, car crashes, cancer, miscarriages and any kind of disaster going really.  The bay will miss it’s resident queen of drama.

She knew when to fight for what was right, such as when she saved Tasha from Mama Rose and the cult.  She also knew when to forgive and forget with Jonah’s past and Hugo’s people smuggling.  Bit of a goldfish memory.

Martha had a talent for making snap decisions.  This is what made herself and Jack such a good match.  Life changing choices like “I’m going to buy a farm”, “I’m adopting Bum bum” or “I’m leaving the bay” would be made in space of a lunch hour.  It would often be followed by the rational of “I’ve thought about it” –  for a whole five minutes, went unsaid.

What of her lovers?  Let us count the names.  I’ll start with Jack. I wonder if we can name them all?

AKA wasn’t Duncan an awful brat?

Elijah has finally revealed his secret, and it was a double-barrelled one.  Firstly, he told Miles that Vinnie didn’t die in prison.  This was news to Miles, but not to us.  Leah knew he was alive and in hiding from the Teddy bear incident.  But Elijah also revealed that Vinnie has died recently and the reverend was the last one to see him alive.  Shocking stuff.  How will Leah reacts when she finds out the truth? Go mental for five minutes and then get over it is my prediction.  Then she’ll make her move on him.  Maybe she’ll vomit on him like she did with Roman.  What a winner.

Marilyn has returned to the bay after 10 years away in Blighty.  But who is she and what makes her so popular in the Bay?  Here is the lowdown for those fans who don’t remember her from the first time around.

• She ran a beauty parlour out the back of the old diner and gave facials to Madge Wilkins et al.
• Marilyn used to be Morag’s housekeeper.  It provided some great comedy as they were the ultimate odd couple.  It’ll be interesting to see how they get on the next time Morag turns up in the Bay.
• Marilyn went out with Lance Smart, Colleen’s son.  Colleen seems to bear a grudge about their break up.
• Lance, Marilyn and Martin Dibble were in a band together that went national for a brief time.  I can’t remember what they were called. Lance got jealous as the press insinuated that Marilyn was going out with Martin, not Lance.  This caused the band to split up.
• Donald “Flathead” Fisher married Marilyn in an unlikely liaison. They had a baby called Byron but he sadly passed away.  His poor parents were distraught and Marilyn got depressed and fled to London. Irene and Flathead went to look for her.  Their method of searching involved touring the city on an open top bus. Preposterous as this may sound, they managed to find her.

It’s good to have her back and I’m sure she’ll provide us with much hilarity.  She seems to have ditched her habit of wearing tiny backpacks as handbags.

Building on the bonza idea that Drew’s Shrew had about a cross-over Home and Away/Heroes show, commenter Sorry for being a crazy dingo has given us a deadly list of Home and Away character super-powers:

1. ALF – grows gills when he jumps in the water and swims underwater, like a fish which is kind of ironic.
2. COLLEEN – able to speak any language at will and talk to animals, that means she can gossip with anyone or anything.
3. MILES – the ability to eat food without ever getting full. (Sounds like a crappy superpower, but in later seasons he will discover he has a psychic conscience named Rabbit).
4. NICOLE – the ability to attract any person at will with her beauty.
5. JAI – the ability to be invincible.
6. IRENE – the ability to attract troubled children into her lair.
7. ANGELO – the ability to cause amnesia to others (everyone, including Martha, seems to have forgiven him for killing Jack and covering up the murder).
8. CHARLIE – the ability to change sexuality at will.
9. RUBY – the ability to screech so loud, it causes one’s ears to bleed.
10. GINA – the ability to convince people that she’s actually Tony’s sister and not his grandmother.
11. XAVIER – the same ability as Ruby.
12. MARTHA – the ability to never grieve and be constantly sexually promiscuous.
13. LIAM – the ability to be completely forgotten about only few months after being an Australian megastar.
14. ADEN – the same ability as Martha.
15. LEAH – the ability to be as sexy as Penelope Cruz but no-one in town appearing to notice.mink
16. RACHEL – the ability to heal, in all areas of medicine.
17. TONY – the ability of super strength.
18. ROMEO – the ability to to…eh…surf…REALLY REALLY WELL. (That one sucked).
19. MINK – the ability to stare at someone and kill them. What a bad ass!
20. VJ – the ability to shoot water bombs from his hands.
21. MORAG – the ability to be the best lawyer ever.
22. RABBIT – the ability to rise from the dead, be psychic and make herself invisible to all but Miles.

What do you reckon?  Do you have any others to add?

Have a read of this. Ada, aka Leah, says that Kane is her favourite H&A character of all time.  Why? I think he was one of the biggest tools of all time.  Sure he’s in jail now and won’t be coming back, thankfully.  Anyway, she also says that she like Vinne, who’s currently in True Blood.  He’s fantastic as Jason Stackhouse and I don’t see him leaving that to return to the Bay.

Given that we’ve no new episodes to discuss this week, I thought it was time to delve into the archives again and examine another character from the Bay’s glorious history.

If Rhys had an anger meter it would go up to 11, and rarely drop below 10.  He moved to the bay with his wife Shelly and his family many years ago.  They took over the caravan park.  Rhys looked a bit like a fish and was a pretty wooden character.  I could never figure out why Shelly went out with him.

Rhys and Shelly had 3 daughters: the “twins” Kirsty & Jade and Dani.  Dani was a bit of a moany hole.  She went out with Will Smyth until she realised that he wasn’t the Hollywood star of Independence Day and Men in Black.  She then went out with Josh West who was a tool. Then she was raped by Kane Phillips. Back in those days, they used to say “attack” rather than “rape”. Kirsty found this irresistible and eloped with her sister’s rapist.   All of this drove Rhys off the edge and he had a rage stroke.

Shelly left him to nobody’s great surprise.  But he soon ended up with Beth Hunter, to everyone’s surprise.  She was a living saint and was a good influence on the raging Rhys.  She told him to keep his temper in check or he’d be kicked to the curb.  Alas her wholesome ways weren’t enough for dumb ass Rhys and he left Beth once home wrecker Shelly appeared back on the scene.  I don’t think too many tears were shed in the bay the day he left.  Thankfully, he’s never come back.

I was listening to a football podcast recently and they discussed the similarities between Ailsa and Mark Hughes, the recently sacked manager of Man City.  Do you know what, it’s uncanny.