Mohamed Ali, Chris Eubank and Barry McGuigan are all getting a flight down under as they heard about the impending grudge match between Tony and John Palmer.  It’s a no holds barred  bitter bashathon.  Somebody’s going down, way down.  This is going to be brutal…

Only it wasn’t.  In reality the fight consisted of two middle aged men prancing around the ring, trash talking but not actually fighting.  Poor Coleen got bored being the referee, waiting for the fight to start and walked away.  The two prospective pugilists pulled the plug and the whole collapsed into farce.  Hopefully that’s the end of this storyline now and we can all move on with our lives.  Rachel will be thrilled that there were no bashings.

Well Hugo is back big-stylee now.  Martha took him straight back into her arms without a word about his people-smuggling.  At least Gina gave him a dressing-down for being a massive criminal.

The Austins are surprisingly adept at fobbing off the bobbies.  Love how Xavier said “It’s the cops” when Angelo and Charlie came to the door, as if he’d never met them before.   Anyway Gina cranked up her headmistress skills and YCPD were slinking out with their tails between their legs.

Gina was nice to Miles, though, even if she was delivering the bad news that he might not get his job back at the school.  Bet he doesn’t think Rabbit was so deadly now.

Apparently Aden has left.  I totally missed that; I must have been making a cup of tea or something.  The exits are very swift these days.  Nicole is totally over it though, Liam Murphy sorted her out with some bonza advice.  By the by, they now have a ping-pong table in the caravan park.  Bounce.

What a dramatic few days in Summer Bay.  Rabbit helped Miles rescue Leah, Elijah, and a rake of kids from being gassed on their school trip.  Somehow this meant that it was time for Rabbit to leave.  So she headed off with her ma down the beach.  Poor Miles was in bits over it.  There was no explanation of Rabbit’s psychic powers though.  I think we should put this in the Alf-as-aborigine box and accept we’ll never know the answer.

Nicole, being egged on by Justin, broke up with Aden as he wouldn’t say he loved her.  So he went off into the wide blue yonder with Justin.  No doubt he’ll join the army too.

Hugo’s back.  Martha decided everyone should know that he is in witness protection so she told Xavier and then went down the diner to tell everyone else.  She did it in the same room as Colleen; she must have the memory of a goldfish.  Anyway then Xavier told Ruby, and later met Hugo on a random road in the Bay.  Hugo was sporting some fine stubble and hiding under a hat.  The bad guys will never look there.

In Summer Bay news this week (do-do do-do-do):

• Poor oul’ Ray Meagher had a bit of a rough trot as a nipper.
• Cheryl Cole wants to visit the Home and Away set – I hope she runs into Nicole

“I’m no lawyer love, but it seems to me that Aden’s in a bit of strife”, proclaimed Alf to Nicole when discussing her boyfriend’s upcoming murder charge. He may not have his sister’s law skills but he has her whipped when it comes to understatements.

Well, we ran a poll and it would seem that “the gays” would be the most welcome addition to Summer Bay.  There have been a few gay characters in the past, but they never stick around too long.

The next most popular social group was complete families.  They are very rare.  Rachel, Tony and Harry seem to be the only one at the moment.  Most households are made up of foster kids, various ex-derros and randomers coming in off the street.

In third position was vampires.  A few months ago I would have scoffed at this but I suppose imaginary friends a la Rabbit isn’t that far off.  I also suspect the V-man might have had something to do with the popularity of this choice.

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I flippin’ knew Ruby was going to ruin the play.  The little eejit.  Luckily Sir Liam of Murphy stepped in and saved the day.  Ruby did alright considering originally she proclaimed “I can’t sing”.  Might there be a singing career in the pipeline?

Miles was extra mad in that episode.  He wanted to keep a seat at the play for Rabbit (bet she didn’t pay though, it’s one of the perks of being imaginary), then he suddenly went home and banished her from the house.  Now he wants her to come back.  Ahhhhh.

Leah knows about the Milco madness now anyway.  She tried to get it out of Elijah by repeatedly saying his name, but Miles charged in and gave the game away himself.  Cue frowny face from Leah until this is sorted out.

Annie left.  Hurrah hurrah.  “When are you leaving”, said Romeo.  “Tomorrow morning”, said Annie.  Those Campbells don’t wait around.  Sure Geoff went off to “Africa” within a day of making his decision to leave.  Anyway Romeo is pretty cut up about it, but Annie doesn’t seem to care.  I bet she’s really into J-pop and that’s why she’s off.  She did get Romeo to tell her his real name though.  What do you think it is?

It was a day of revelations in the Bay. Firstly, we had both Aden and his brother Justin trying to take the wrap for burying the Dad’s body affair. Each one is trying to keep the other one out of it but ultimately they’ll be found out.  Sure lies never last long in the Bay.

Then we had Alf and Angelo get sprung talking about Hugo in front of Martha.  If braindead super sleuth Martha can figure out that you’re keeping secrets then you’re really in trouble.  Hugo’s cover will be blown in no time once Martha finds out the truth.  I hope his witness protection scheme is better than Vinny’s: a farm worker who moonlighted as a teddy bear at children’s parties and died from sceptic wounds, suffered in a farming accident.  You couldn’t make it up.

I don’t really understand why she’s upset about his death again now.  It’s like she forgot about him for a few months then remembered who he was all of a sudden.  Didn’t they break up before he “died” anyway?

Well flip me, Miles is telling all and sundry about Rabbit now.  Gina confronted him and he was all “yeah, I talk to imaginary people, DEAL WITH IT”.  Bleedin’ double mentaller.

What else?  Oh yes, Aden dobbed himself in re: burying and unburying the da.  He’s saying Dumbro had nothing to do with it though.  Snooooooooooze.

Good woman Esther, she’s happy out being in Home and Away.  Sure why would you need a fella when you can hang around with Alf every day?