Martha is the cheeriest widow in Australia.  Her fella isn’t cold in the ground and she couldn’t be in better form.  Liam has moved into her gaff and her bed.  All he has to do is a few chores around the farm to keep her happy.  Martha trades sex for labour.  She’s like some kind of agrarian hooker.  Colleen said that she has a fragile mental state but how is that any different from normal?

There was a lot of quick moving in that episode.  Hugo’s “funeral” was about a week ago, so it’s about time Martha moved on.  First, she expertly roped Liam into working on the farm, then asked him to move in, then leapt on him.  The girl wastes no time.

Furthermore, Geoff made a life decision and left the Bay to be a missionary in the space of about three hours.  Ruby didn’t look too happy at all.  He didn’t even tell Xavier or anyone else in town.

Miles helped Leah get over her agoraphobia.  She did some pretty good acting so there’s not much to slag off there really.

Geoffrey has lost his mojo.  The Diner race riots have left him scarred mentally and physically.  He tried to take it out on one of the hoons in the surf club but two faced Palmer didn’t back him up and Geoff was left feeling stupid.  Ruby picked the wrong time for a deep and meaningful and Geoff blew his top.  He kicked her to the curb and get some advice from Alf who suggested he get God on the blower.  The priest at the church was busy doing the hoovering but took a few minutes out of the housework to give Geoff some meaning to his life.  But what did he suggest?  Housekeeper in the church?  A life of crime?  Auditioning for the new Captain Birdseye?  We’ll have to wait until next week to find out.

Mink thought she was dead hard telling Xavier about her crime of passion.  Sure murder is nothing special in Summer Bay.  In fact, it’s the least of the local worries – top of that list is finding a spot on the beach to sit and think about your woes.

Leah has caught the Alf bug and then some; she’s falling apart.  There she was, sitting on the floor, roaring crying.  Maybe she was trying to recreate the riot scenes.  That’s what she did then too.  She should invite Irene, Ruby and Colleen around to complete the picture.

Geoff gave Ruby a good telling-off.  Her moaning about how she was to blame for the riot tipped him over the edge.  I don’t think fairy lights will win him around this time.

Fitz pointed out that Rachel and Tony are rumoured to be leaving SB too!  This is a disaster.  Not only is Rachel a multi-disciplinary doctor and all-round magician, but she’s one of the only normal-sized ladies in town.  She can be as annoying as a gnat at times, granted, but she adds variety to the Summer Bay lady-shape-landscape.  And as for Tony, well, he’s just sound.   But I suppose they are a happily-ish married couple and we all know how long they generally last in Home and Away.

Did you see the face on Charlie when Angelo was promoted above her?  So disgusted.  At least they discussed it and now it’s sorted (boss).

I never thought I’d say this, but Alf is being really annoying with his constant threats to leave the Bay.  Just go, so.  Himself and Angelo became great mates within the space of a day, downing tinnies in the Caravan Park of an evening.

Why did Geoff take advice from Martha, the walking disaster area?  “Get saltwater into the wound”, she said.  Geoff doesn’t get metaphors, so he ripped off his bandages and lepped into the sea.  I wonder what Doctor Armstrong will have to say about that.  Maybe it’s a radical new therapy they use in Summer Bay.

I don’t understand why Alf and Geoff are so traumatised.  Fair enough with Leah as her fella got bashed in front of her very eyes.  But all the two lads were doing was firefighting until the authorities arrived.  Unless they still can’t believe that everyone else sat on the floor and left them to deal with the disaster.  That’d leave a sour taste in my mouth, too.

“… until one day you wake up and you don’t know where you are” was how Alf put it in relation to the changes that’ve happened in the Bay.  It’s a feeling that Martha can sympathise with.  Every morning her first few questions when she wakes up are “Where am I?  Who am I?  Who’s my boyfriend this week?”

Ha, that was gas.  A documentary within a soap.  Who was the hard-bitten and slightly dashing journo who landed in Summer Bay in the aftermath of THE RIOT?  His boss was fairly bossy.  I thought his first cut of the doco (they must be called docos in Oz?) was grand.

Anyway, apparently the Bay is now forever changed because a few residents are pissed off due to the riots and the torching of the diner.  I dare say they’ll be over it in a few episodes. That’s the way things are done down Summer Bay way.  Or will that be the change?  That the SB time warp has been perpetually altered and now trauma recovery times, pregnancies and marriages will actually be a decent length?

Alf Stewart is Summer Bay.  That’s what the journo said.  He worked hard to get Alf’s slant on things and by Irwin did he get it.  Alf let rip, condemning flamin’ hoons and admitting that his trust in his fellow Aussies had been dashed.

Leah’s in bits too.  Ok, her fella was bashed and her workplace destroyed but she seems to have lost the will to live.  Maybe she’s just missing Veej.

Strewth mate, who were those hoons who wrecked the diner?  And Hasim?  Alf didn’t seem to recognise them.

Alf’s like Summer Bay’s John McClane*, putting out fires and setting things right.  He’s really disappointed in his town.  I thought he might burn the Aussie flag on the barbie.

Where were Supercops Charlie and Angelo when this was all going on?  How come Ruby didn’t ring them instead of Aussie 999?  She has the direct line, after all.  Anyway the ambos showed up a few hours into the siege.

Also, why did Leah, Colleen, Irene and Ruby just sit in the kitchen while the two gents played Fireman Sam?

Miles’s imaginary friend Rabbit is psychic.  That means Miles is psychic.  I love a good mad storyline in Home and Away.  This is like Sixth Sense or Fight Club.  I hope there’s a montage later where it shows Miles talking to no-one.  All we need now is Aboriginal Alf to show up and we’re laughing.

*That’s him below

Who will counter Ruby’s mad ideas?  Who will bring up religion occasionally?  Who will look confused all day long (ok, there’s Martha for that)?

I guess you have your reasons.