He’s as bad as Liam Murphy.

As Flathead pointed out while watching today’s episode, “Xavier’s got a point”.  John Palmer is only sound when Gina is around.  Is she in for more heartbreak?

And where are the tiresome twins, Hugo and Martha?  No sign of them today.  Are they on half-weeks or something?

Get running, so.

Irene is ridiculously sound. Not only does she put up with her dead fella’s ex, she gives her advice on how to cope with being newly released from jail. Donna is a mess. She couldn’t drink at home because it was “so empty” so she went from the bottlo straight to Irene’s also-empty house. Plus, she’s canonised Dead Lou in her mind and is pining for him. Anyway, as Sarah pointed out on our Facebook page, Donna is the Aussie Debbie Magee. In that case, she’ll have a magician husband waiting at home for her. Maybe he was at a meeting with the Magic Circle and that’s why the house was “so empty”.

Arrrrggggh to Martha and Hugo. At this stage, I couldn’t care less if they were kidnapped by the people-smugglers and sold to the highest bidder.

Is this the longest storyline ever in Home and Away history?  This “mystery” seems like it’s been dragging on for years.

Who killed Lou?

Is his wife a regular at the bottelo?

Was Hugo bitten by a shark?

Did Hugo bite back?

Did Hugo smuggle Indonesians inside the shark?

Why is Angelo obsessed with Hugo?

What is the correct pronunciation of bangbang/bumbung/bungbung?

Does anybody know his real name?

But most of all, when will this all be over?

Ah would ya look at Geoff with his real-life mammy and daddy?

Miles Copeland hasn’t had it easy since he moved to Summer Bay.  As a down-and-out, he slept on the beach and wrote cryptic messages in the sand in the hopes that his sister would find him.  Naturally, he went from living hand-to-mouth to becoming a teacher at the only school in town, and won the heart of Kirsty Sutherland.  Unfortunately she turned out to be a total wagon.

These days Miles spends his time getting bashed and threatening children.  It looks like Riley’s dad is behind it all.  I hope the YCPD can crack this case.  If not maybe they should bring Robert Robertson back.  Maybe they should just do that anyway.

So, the teenage(-ish) couples of Summer Bay are all talking about sex.  Ruby and Geoff decided they’ll have a go, while in a startling move, Nicole is standing her ground with Liam and refusing him access.  Is that because she’s changed her tune, or because she has her wee eye on Aden?  Ooooh, mucho mysterioso.

Now, where are Martha and Hugo and Suzy and Bungbung?

Mmmm, I wonder where this bullying storyline is going?  Now that Miles pulled Riley round the yard a bit, he’ll surely be up for assault.  Then he’ll be suspended from his job.  Then he’ll be vindicated and given his job back.  In the middle somewhere I think Leah will lob the gob.

Nicole and Aden had a good oul’ flirt in the sea; Belle will be thrilled.  Liam will be less thrilled.  What about that wan he was teaching guitar to?  What was the story with her hair?

jaysus

Watch this and you will be too. We often thought about dubbing Home and Away, but this fecker got there first:

So the winter freeze is over and Home and Away returned to our screens with much ado about something.  A number of things grabbed my attention and beg further inquiry.

1) Was the cameraman pissed or trying to do an MTV audition?  It was all over the place today.  Mad close ups and wobbly shots for no reason.

2) Miles is back to his Derro look that he perfected a few years back.  It was pretty harsh to see him get a bashing when he was fooled by the towel over the head trick.  He’ll be embarrassed when he realises he was battered by a bunch of chislers.

3) It seems the recession has finally hit Australia.  SB super bods is struggling and Tony has put it down to people not renewing with the economic crisis.  What’s next?  2 for 1 muffin offer in the diner?

4) Charlie was even more annoying than usual today.  Ruby should tell her to rack off.