So Geoff’s in So You Think You Can Dance in Australia.  I wonder will he bring his dancing skills to Summer Bay somehow?  Himself and Martha could have a barn-dance-off.

Here I was, all this time thinking Flathead had gone off to the Whitsundays to keep his klepto wife away from Summer Bay’s thriving retail sector.  When in reality, he was founding a whole new range of shops for her to rob.

Here’s more information for yis.

OK, we’re a bit behind!  Trey must have thought all his birthdays came at once when Nicole said she wanted to go back to his house.  No doubt they took it to the next level.

Gardy is annoying, and Roman is even more annoying for putting up with him.  Grr.

And so Claudia is up the pole and on the bubble.  Geoff looked like a rabbit caught in headlights when he saw the pregnancy test.  He does a good dopey.

Home and Away is taking a screening break in the UK - I wonder will RTE do the same?

Well, it doesn’t matter now that the Surf Festival has been cancelled because Liam Murphy is organising…a Drugs Fest.  The first of its kind in Summer Bay, Drugs Fest is bound to attract both young and old.  Among the acts on show are roof walkers and raging ladies, fitness freaks and cop killers.  Get your tickets while you can!

• Geoff’s real-life antics inspire a storyline
• Amanda to return

Gardy is a criminal mastermind.  He, along with his sidekick Roman, decided to launch a crime spree in Summer Bay and his first target was the local off licence.  It’s hardly Fort Knox.  Come to think of it, I doubt there are many targets worth robbing in the Bay.  Where will he strike next?  The bait shop?  He could rob a lifetime’s supply of worms and files.  What about the struggling for business caravan park?  He’d want to hurry up or it’ll be closed down.  The bay is a thieves paradise alright.

Martha is thick as a brick; she couldn’t figure out why Hugo would rather face the worst downpour Summer Bay has ever seen than stay the night.  Then she stood open-mouthed when he explained that he shouldn’t have feelings for her as he was Jack’s cousin and she was Jack’s wife.  You could almost see the cogs attempting to turn.  “Jack”, she was probably thinking, “who was he again?”.  I think she’s been taking tips from Charlize Theron on how to play a MRF.

Rachel has another string to her medical bow I see; she’s now an optometrist as well as everything else.

So Claudia’s up the duff.  Imagine if Geoff was your da, he’d agonise over every decision.

Irene’s lawyer is beyond rubbish; she can’t even organise a trial date.  Irene’ll have drunk the prison dry by the time she gets around to it.

Prison isn’t treating Irene well; she seems to have lost the plot altogether.  Her voice is shaky, her eyes are wide, and she’s looking generally shook (although her hair isn’t too bad).  She’s been dubbed a legend for offing her fella, and already been offered some grog.  I’d say she’ll be following that particular line of inquiry fairly soon…

Morag must have something against Irene.  She was very gung-ho when Aden was in trouble with the law.  Sure Ross wouldn’t even know she was gone.

Gardy is some man for one man. He can cure blindness with his own revolutionary brand of aversion therapy.  Throwing a blind Roman off a bridge worked a treat.  He should turn his hand to all ailments, physical and mental.

“Broken leg? Run a marathon mate, you’ll be right.”

“Arachnophobia? That’s only for girls. Eat 20 Tarantulas and you never have to worry about a spider again.”

“Migrane? Beat yourself over the head with a cricket bat and you’ll be bonza.”